Part 118 (1/2)
Of course I had others, but these were a to Octavian
Would he be teht, would he leave the box carelessly in his roo, lift the diadeined that he would find the gold chilly at first, but be amazed at how fast it warms, next to the skin It is easy to become accustomed to Oh, very easy, even for a dedicated Republican
How ironic, what a joke of the Gods, if he should end up going the way of Antony after all The best way to conquer an enemy is not to crush him but to corrupt hi the diadem Even if Octavian turned into a replica of Antony, and came at last to understand what had happened here in the east and how it had happened, it did us no good
”Mada these farewell” I touched theine what it would be like to receive theh unlikely--effect They glea eyes
Reluctantly I folded the silk over the their beauty I drew the lid down, then locked it with the gold-and-eoldsmith had ht his self-importance would cause him to compare it to the Gordian one that Alexander had severed to obtain his eastern realination was not his leading trait
There was a for nia into his hands, if he would please to bestow theranted hi and honorable line of kings, related to Alexander hiypt and had ruled it well, and he could find no abler governors to continue in this line I pledged my son's loyalty, and pointed out that he had taken no part in the fighting at Actiuh you have declared war on me and pronounced me your enemy, my son has remained aloof from our quarrels, and will serve you faithfully,” I assured hi, and you can find no better or --”servant to your wishes” But it had to be I had to say it ”Remember his youth, and your own in the day when Caesar fell Just as'Caesar knew your proapart” There was ized for my own actions, but emphasized that they were mine and mine alone I hated people who pretended they had not done what everyone knew they had, or that it was somehow not their fault, or that they had been forced to it I knew Octavian would, too Hence no apology I thought the letter struck a good round between pride and submission
”Thank you, Charmian and Iras,” I told them ”Would you be so kind as to send for Caesarion?”
I wanted him to see the treasure, and read the letter before it was sent Hethe box, but read the letter carefully He rolled it up again and put it in the ivory tube that would serve as its envelope ”Are you sure you wish to do this?” he asked ”This is so--unlike you”
”What do you mean?”
”Just to surrender them, and sound so final about it”
”Ah It is the only way to avoid its being truly final,” I said ”If I wait until he demands therasp on the his brow in a way that was”Do you honestly think these will ever be bestowed on me by his his hands?” hands?”
”It may be possible,” I said ”It depends entirely on how he achieves his goal of conquering Egypt If it is too difficult, it hed ”Or, on the other hand, ita native dynasty on the throne There are tooI do know: You ypt” When he opened his mouth to protest, I said, ”You promised! When I proain
”Yes, yes,” he said ”But later Not yet--”
I shook my head ”It must be soon You will have to travel down the Nile as far as Coptos, a ten-day journey Thento Berenice, on the Red Sea--”
”What, in the heat of su!”
”No, it is necessary You must be in Berenice by early July in order to take a shi+p to India during the monsoon, the only time shi+ps can sail east There you ait, in safety, until all this is--over If Octavian confirms you, then you can return If not, then I will have the consolation of knowing that you have slipped frorasp No matter what he does to the rest of us, he cannot touch you!”
”Do you honestly think I can ever draw a happy breath, knowing my whole family has perished, and I survive, a miserable exile?” He looked insulted
”You will not be a 'reat Julius Caesar and Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt Wherever you go, you will be honored I aements even noith the ruler of Bharukaccha in India to receive you Not such a bad life Remember, Octavian is sixteen years older than you, and his health has always been poor A bone sliver caught in the throat, a slight cold that settles on his lungs, a s of an eye And he has no son, nor is likely to have one--his ean rock Live, and wait” I patted his cheek ”They say India is a pleasant land of colors and scents I have alished to see it ine I will be paying much attention to the colors and scents,” he said stubbornly
”They are supposed to be overwhel,” I said ”And if a seventeen-year-old does not respond to the calling of his eyes and nose, then he is a poor creature! I will tell you what I have learned: The young are htly, and all their senses conspire to help theet us--not me, not Antony, not Alexander or Selene or Philadelphos--but if you can sing, savor fine food, and feel your heart stop at the sight of an exquisite work of art, ill live on in you That is all I ask”
”I do not understand”
”You will” Now I touched his fine, silky hair ”That I pro very busy, picking up the letter ”So? You will be ready Next month it must be” It was already April ”Before that, ill have a final, important ceremony But more of that later” I could not continue the conversation; he had to leave before I betrayed how hard it was for me ”Perhaps you should compose a letter of your own to Octavian” Let him leave,'now ”Go”
He bent over and kissed my cheek ”Very well, Mother”
After I heard his footsteps fading away, I bent over the box and wept; tears fell into the intricate workold was i hi I would never see hi hiain while I did not But it was a duty of queenshi+p, and someday he would understand I had spoken the truth just now
The wide harbor noore its tenderest colors--its frothy blues and its shadowy greens, its milky-white foam No wonder we think that Venus was born of seafoam, for it is so ethereal it is hard to believe we can actually wade into it and dip our hands in it With the children I often ca into the water, at our private place where the sandy bottom was shallow, and they could collect starfish and ane the their sleek backs
As a child I had spent hours here, but like s of childhood-- tiny coral bracelets, illustrated stories, baby-sized pillows--I had set it aside in s, it did not deserve to be forgotten I found my hours here with e where tiht of the sun We wore floppy-brimmed hats to protect us from sunburn, and built miniature forts out of sand and shells Their hthouse; Alexander wanted it to be as tall as he, but it cruh
”The amount of water in the sandto watch the progress but never participating; he considered hinified ”If it is too ht But if it is too little, the sun will dry the bottom out before the top is finished, and it will collapse”
The impatient Alexander would smack it and knock it flat in frustration ”If you know so much, why don't you make one yourself?” he would insist
”He doesn't want to get his fine tunicin the sand” She cocked her head and looked at hiht?”
The tere al childhood themselves Perhaps that hy they enjoyed it so
”He hasn't ti many tasks” And my heart was heavy with it In addition to his usual lessons with his tutor, Rhodon, he was having to s I would have his to learn that normally would have been spread out over several years
”Yes, that's right,” Caesarion agreed ”In fact, I et back to Rhodon now He let me wander away in the midst of Xerxes' account” He turned and walked back up the steps--poor child Poorwith the beached trire to et Alexander and Selene to board it; sometimes they humored hi in unison; the boat usually sank with the unbalanced weight, gurgling to the shallow botto they were nus I would co before sunrise My sleep was disturbed now, and I seldo quietly on the steps, watching the light gradually fill the sky and turn the harbor from a dark void into a pearly plate, was balm for my soul Sometimes I would relive parts of my life, as I wished to recount them in htthere, seeing the Lighthouse glowing red at the top, as it always had, with an eine that there was any threat to us Everything was cal smoothly Thus it had always been, thus it would continue--so it seemed But preparations had to be s as we knew theh the soft blanket of clouds in the east, I would go to the Temple of Isis and perfor er there with her until I sensed that it was ti round of decisions and duties that would occupy ht, when I would supposedly sleep
I was thus savoringin the darkness along the sand Because the eastern harbor is a great arc sweeping frohthouse to the farthest tip of the royal promontory, it is possible at low tide to walk the shoreline all the way froh
I looked closer Then rose, startled It was Antony Alive, away fro I had steeled h noon, when the sun beat down pitilessly, or sunset, when things come to their natural close I had even rehearsed what I would say And the tomb was ready
But this--this I had not expected, not rehearsed ”Antony?”
He bounded up the stairs and eht and hard around me