Part 117 (1/2)
”I aer Antony,” he said ”It is better that they do not see me Let them remereat soldier! Not thisthenation
”You are their father!” I said sternly ”Children care less about ine They crave only the life and presence of their father ormebut she had not done it on purpose ”You are cruel!” When he still stood un, I cried, ”The Gods will punish you for this! Deliberate cruelty is unforgivable! You couldn't help Actiu! And you will pay for it!”
He was not to return to the palace, but turn his back on it and on us, letting his quarters reain
”Antony died at Actiu here, then?” He looked real enough to me
”A shadow, a dark double”
”Then let it co,” he said
”If this unfeeling man is the remnant of Antony, then you have spoken true!” I cried ”This is not Antony, as above all kind and generous! This is more like Octavian! Has he taken you over? Hardened you into a version of himself?”
”Let me depart in peace!” he said ”Remember limpse of someone, that remains with us Oh, Antony--” I held out ether, wring some last pleasure and victory fro out behind hi the temple steps
I bent my head over the base of Isis's statue and wept He had invaded my intervieith the Goddess, returned froly, only to depart
What shall I do? What shall I do? I io, she answered Now there is only you You, and I I will riot flee, or fail to uphold you in your need Give yourself to me Your need of mortals is over Now there is only you You, and I I will riot flee, or fail to uphold you in your need Give yourself to me Your need of mortals is over
It was sunset before I left the telow on the horizon coated the colu rays across the floor, bathed Isis's face in living hues The tide had receded, and ugly black rocks revealed themselves, nibbled by the waves
I was exhausted, as if I had fought ato the palace, to all the questions and scrutiny, but unlike Antony, I would make myself face theotten sensations back to ain, and forget the in Paraetonium! I hated him for this surprise, this titillation And I could never forgive hi his children so Even the Roman ould have left me with more respect for him! Then I would have been sorrowed; noas shocked and betrayed
Heart, we et him utterly! I told myself sternly as I marched back to the palace How to face Mardian and tell him?
I need not have worried It was Mardian who had spoken to hi anxiously
”Did he?”
”Yes!” I cried, anger and sorrow struggling like gladiators within one off to--I know not where! He says he will live alone--not co bulk Dear Mardian, my stalwart, ever-constant friend
”He is a broken e him too harshly”
”But the children! How can he--?”
”He is ashauided me back into his most private room ”He has had another blow”
”What?”
”He did not tell you?”
”No He said nothing, just a sort of forestured for me to seatinto the welter of pillows, I felt profound relief I had been standing for hours ”What has happened to hiainst any lass pitcher and, without asking, poured out a sweet drink of honey and fresh-pressed grape juice for us He handed ladly ”Scarpus arrived a few hours ago,” he said ”It seems that Gallus and his ions aiting for theo to the camp and make a personal appeal to his forates and address them”
No! What a humiliation! But that he would undertake it showed he was not beaten yet
”But what happened?”
”Scarpus was standing with him, and as he told it--it was pitiful Every time Antony raised his voice to speak--and you kno he has trained it to carry great distances--Gallus gave the order for the trumpets to sound and drown him out It went on and on like that for hours Finally the day ended, and Antony had to depart unheard”
An actual shaft of pain shot through ed Isis Lay no more upon him!
”And then he came here,” I said
”Apparently so”
This last blow ed hi a safe place to lie down and die Oh, if only I had known this when he was standing before me!
”He did not relate this to you?” said Mardian
”No” He had probably felt there was nothing to relate O Antony! ”No, he said nothing”
”What did he do, then?”
He looked at ed ”Muttered a lot of nonsense about living alone, watching for Octavian--” Now I felt tired, defeated I, too, sought a safe place to lie down I did not want to return to my rooms, where the children would come in, where Iras and Charly ”Mardian--ht?” I did not have to explain it to hi been prepared”
As my chief state minister, his quarters rivaled mine in size and, I daresay, surpassed them in sumptuous appointe it; the customs officials ell versed in his tastes, and whenever a cargo of Syrian pearl-inlaid tables, Indian cas put in, they invariably set aside a sa with decoration, with no empty spot on wall, floor, or table The only exception to this was his workroom, which was as spare as a hermit's cell
A hermit'sas spare as Antony's, now?
”I believe in keeping only the pertinent papers to hand,” he explained once ”All the rest of the clutter just confuses the mind” ”How, then, do you live in all this?” I would have found it stifling I must have space to breathe, and to rest my eyes
”Ah , once outside the workroo ” he said
He ledwith treasure like a merchant's den, and to the very last chamber, a corner one that overlooked both the sea and the palace gardens I could see my ainst dark blue in the deepening night They made me shi+ver There were the steps where Antony had walked away Where was he now? I looked in vain for any movement in the shadows beneath the portico