Part 116 (1/2)
”I could tell just by looking at you that you were practically starving,' 'he said, settling down on one ofhis hands behind his head
”Why, because I could wear soht7” I asked ”I was pleased about it”
”Wo doesn't iown they can fit into7 Your skin had lost its color, your hair was dull, and your face had a pinched look” Your skin had lost its color, your hair was dull, and your face had a pinched look”
”Well, I'm better now,” I said ”There's plenty of food here” All the food that had been held up in Egypt, never reaching us
”Better, but not well” He cocked his head ”We have to get you back to your fighting form, the better to seduce Octavian when he arrives”
”Very funny”
”Well, it's worth a try He must be tired of Livia by now Another married Roman strays into your orbit” He rolled his eyes ”They say he's partial to Corinthian vessels Perhaps you can hide in one, and pop out”
What would I ever do without Olympos? ”You knohat they say,” I said ”Never play the sa” I paused ”No, I have a new scene in mind But I need your help I want the best poison you can procure”
The smile faded from his face ”You want to poison him?”
”No Not him”
I had never seen Oly on his face I saw it now ”No!” he said ”No, I can't believe you would ask that of me” He jumped to his feet
”Dear friend--” I rose, too
”No! I said no!” Horror and anger were fighting within him ”I cannot!”
”If you cannot, ill?” I asked ”I am afraid it ly measures, unless you help me”
”I cannot use my skills that way,” he said ”And even if I could, I could never aid you in--You are my friend, my lifetime companion, dearer to me than--than--”
”All the ! Or do you want me tortured? Taken to Rome and killed there? Or forced to use knives or swords? Oh, pity my situation!” Now I felt trapped I had betrayedany help with them
”The Cleopatra I knoould face her enemies, not avoid them”
”Oh, that I intend to do,” I assured him, for it was true ”All that diplomacy, charm, sacrifice may win for me, I will venture But if they fail, I need to know that I will not be humiliated or tortured I need to know I control my own last fate”
”This is pre is quiet Wait and see”
Why could he not understand? ”We knohat is co,” I said ”We must prepare”
He looked at me acutely ”You said diplomacy, charm, sacrifice Just what do you have in mind?”
”I will flatter Octavian, surrender my crown to him, ask him only to pass the throne on to my son That's diplomacy I will hide rees Already I a them into one spot, where I can set fire to them That's sacrifice And then, when I finally see him, I will remind him of Caesar's love for me, his respect He will not dare to insult his 'father's wife' That's charm” That was my tentative plan I had no wish to die But I was ready to That was the difference
”What if, when he sees you, he responds to yourcharm in some other way, and deht of that It was unlikely; enemies do not usually arouse lust But conquerors routinely took women as part of their victory And to take Antony's woreatest insult he could tender
The thought was repugnant; I did not know if I could bear it, not even for Egypt, not even for Caesarion The poison would be far better But that atory afterward
”I would get drunk first,” I said ”And I assu to add to the wine to wipe out all my memory afterward”
I suppose that was the answer he wanted It showed I wanted to live Let hiot the poison!
”You stop at nothing,” he said, with grudging admiration
”I am desperate,” I told him ”Don't fail me!”
”I didn't save you when the tere born, only to et poison”
”Then you are crueler than Octavian!” Well, I would e without him I would think of a way But I still needed some other assurances fro else, then”
”Not until I hear it first” He crossed his arms across his chest
”I want you to take the two copies of reat statue of Isis in her temple at Philae; take the other to Meroe, and the Kandake”
”Meroe! You want o all the way to Meroe?” His voice rose in protest
”I think, after Octavian arrives, you will feel the need to travel” I smiled at him ”Do you promise? It is all I ask”
”All? Do you kno far far it is?” it is?”
”Yes I have been there, reh to leave Alexandria for a year or so And when you return, Octavian will be gone”
”And you? Where will you be?” He was still suspicious
”Taken off to Rome, since you will have it so,” I said No use to discuss it further now ”Do you prohed ”Yes I suppose so”
”No, do you promise? promise? Do I have your word?” Do I have your word?”
”Yes”
”Then I can trust it, I know”
The year rolled relentlessly on, sliding into the darkest time Lt was no darker outside than in my mind, where hate, fear, worry batteredhi to teach hi: how to select administrators, how to coood servants and discern cheating ones I spent hours with Alexander and Selene, telling theave the the battles where they were earned I included Antyllus, in some ways the neediest of theer, to take his place with unknown half-siblings He had no mother, and had been taken from the house of his step Caesarion soon in his place No father, no mother, no stepfatherwell, at least Antyllus knew Octavian, I thought grimly Surely Octavian would take him in and treat him kindly My littlest, ahter, his chubby hands, his lack of questions that I found too painful to answer
Mardian appeared one day, looking unusually gluhed ”What is it?” One bad thing followed another, like the waves rolling in relentlessly, sainst the breakwaters There was now no news that could be good; there was only bad and worse And the worst: that Antony had