Volume Ii Part 22 (1/2)

Whispering is as rude in public as it is in the ballroom or at the dinner table. Confidential business should not be discussed on the street or in the department store; the proper place for such private affairs is in the office or parlor.

If addressed by a stranger seeking information regarding a certain street or number, show a cheerful and kindly interest. It is perplexing and often embarra.s.sing to be in an unfamiliar town or country, and whatever information you give should be in an interested and courteous manner.

Someone once said, ”If you must do a thing, do it with all your heart.

To do it half-heartedly is to rob it of all its charm.” Let this be your motto in regard to the courtesy extended strangers who seek your aid.

WHEN ACCIDENTS HAPPEN

Gibbon said, ”Accident is commonly the parent of disorder.” But where there are only people of culture and fine breeding, an accident is devoid of all haste, hysteria or other indications of disorder of any kind. It is the final test of correct manners, this being able to conduct oneself with calmness and dignity even in moments of most distracting circ.u.mstances. And besides its cultural aspects, calmness in time of danger or accident is often the means of saving lives.

The rules of good breeding are nothing more than the rules of good sense and these are never put to a more severe test than when an accident occurs. The person who can keep his head during a fire will be much more likely to get out of the building than one who loses all control of himself and becomes hysterical. Presence of mind when someone faints or is hurt or is in danger often prevents a serious or fatal mishap and always eliminates a large part of the disorder incidental to such occasions.

When an automobile or railroad disaster occurs, it is the calm person who is most helpful. And surely helpfulness is one of the basic terms of good conduct everywhere.

ACCEPTING COURTESIES FROM STRANGERS

Ella Wheeler Wilc.o.x, writing about etiquette, said ”Etiquette is another name for kind thought. The man who says 'I know nothing about etiquette'

does not realize that he is saying 'I know nothing about courtesy to my fellow beings.'” One of the reasons why America has truly been the land of golden promise to so many strangers from other sh.o.r.es, is that there are always so many men and women eager to help, eager to show those little courtesies that warm the heart and rekindle the dying spirit.

Etiquette and courtesy are synonymous.

But it is not alone with the giving of courtesies that we are interested. It is important that we know the correct way to accept them. And it is particularly important that we know the correct way to accept courtesies extended to us in public. There can be nothing more discouraging to the lover of social etiquette than to see a man give up his seat in the car to a woman who accepts it without a word of thanks or a smile.

The question has often been asked whether or not it is correct for a woman to accept the offer of shelter of an umbrella offered her by a gentleman who is a perfect stranger. To settle this definitely, we say that it is absolutely bad form for a woman to accept this courtesy no matter how hard it is raining and how important the need of saving her clothes may be. She may, however, accept the courtesy if it is offered by a gentleman to whom she has been introduced at a dinner, dance, theater party, or other social function.

If a woman drops her bag or gloves and they are retrieved by a pa.s.sing man, it is necessary only to smile and say ”Thank you.” No further conversation is permissible. But if a man saves her from some grave danger, such as being thrown down by a horse, or run over by a car, it is not only necessary for her to thank him but the woman should ask, ”May I have the pleasure of knowing to whom I am indebted?” To offer further expression of her obligation the woman would later send some male member of her family, a brother or husband, to the home of the man who has been of service to her. She should never offer money in appreciation of the service, unless it is evident that he is a working man; and even then she should use tact.

Such courtesies as a.s.sisting to pick up bundles that have dropped to the ground, opening a door that has stuck or giving desired information, require only the conventional ”Thank you.” No courtesy, however slight, should be accepted without evidence of gratification, even though it be but a slight smile.

RAISING THE HAT

When bowing to a woman or in acknowledgment of a greeting, when walking with a woman and bowing to another man of his acquaintance, a gentleman raises his hat. Similarly, when bowing to a man who is accompanied by a woman, the courtesy is observed and also when a man is walking with another man who lifts his hat in greetings to a friend, whether or not that friend is known to him personally. The hat is also raised whenever a gentleman offers a civility to a lady, whether she be friend or stranger.

Elderly men, superiors in office, clergymen and men of distinction are ent.i.tled to the courtesy of lifting the hat. ”Hat in hand goes through the land” say the Germans. And ”Cap in hand never did any harm” is the gem we find among the Italian proverbs. When in doubt, raise your hat.

Surely it is better to be too polite (if such a thing were possible) than to be rudely discourteous to someone.

The question of whether or not the hat should be removed in the elevator is perplexing. Some contend that the elevator is the same as a small room in a private home, and therefore that the hat should be removed.

Others just as positively declare that the elevator is the same as the street, and that it is unnecessary to raise the hat. The question of drafts and colds in the head have entered into the discussion--but ultimately all writers of etiquette reach the same conclusion: as the elevator is so small and boasts a ceiling, it may be considered in the same cla.s.s as a room, and the polite man will keep his head uncovered--especially while there are women in it. The man who is very susceptible to colds may lift his hat upon entering the car and replace it immediately. But it is not courteous to retain the hat entirely.

HOW TO RAISE THE HAT

It is not enough to know when to raise the hat, one must also know the accepted manner of doing it. Profound and elaborate bows are old-fas.h.i.+oned and un-American. While lifting the hat one should incline the head slightly and smile. But it must be remembered that the unmannerly habit of touching the hat, instead of lifting it is an indication of sheer laziness and a lack of gallantry.

”A hat raised half-heartedly is a courtesy without charm” is a proverb well worth remembering. Why raise your hat at all, if you do it only as an annoying duty that must be gotten over as quickly as possible? If you want to be courteous and polite show by your manner that you _are_ polite. A graceful lifting of the hat is entirely incompatible with an unsmiling face. But both together--a sincere smile and a graceful lifting of the hat--are most pleasing to the person for whom the greeting is intended.