Volume Ii Part 21 (1/2)
It took many centuries of hammering before the portals of business and industry and art were thrown wide open to women. Now that that has happened it is her duty and pride to conduct herself in such a way that there can be no regrets and vain longings for the return of the woman of yesterday. By her manner and her dress a woman determines her place, and the women who are careless of their appearance and careless of their standard are the ones who are hindering the progress of women toward the goal of perfect womanhood.
When she enters business she must realize that she is on an equal footing with men and she should not demand or expect privileges simply because she is a woman. What she does and says and wears during the hours of her social life is entirely distinct from her business life, though, of course, she is always courteous, however hard it may be sometimes to control herself under the grinding of the routine work at the office.
CHAPTER IV
ON THE STREET
THE TRUE ETIQUETTE
Etiquette, in its truest sense, is an exponent of _self_, rather than a manifestation towards _others_. We do what is right and courteous because no other behavior possibly could be consistent with our claim to be well-bred.
As Shakespeare has said,
”To thine own self be true; And it must follow as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
Instinctively, and with no thought of impressing others, the well-bred man does and says what is correct. And his manners are as polished and cultivated in his home, at business and in public, as they are at the most formal social functions.
It is not enough to observe the conventions of society when you are in the elaborate ballroom or at a fas.h.i.+onable dinner. You must be always, at all times, in all places, as courteous and well-mannered as you would be in the most impressive surroundings. The world judges you by your manners in the street car and on the avenue just as severely as it does in private homes and at social functions.
Do what is correct because you are well-bred, and not because some important person is watching you. Then you will truly be following the rules of courtesy.
POISE IN PUBLIC
”Mightiest powers by deepest calms are fed” says the proverb. And Dr.
Crane, himself a mighty power, supplements the saying by one of his own--”The silent sun is mightier than the whirlwind.”
It is the quiet well-mannered person who inspires respect and liking.
The loud laugh bespeaks the vacant mind and noisy, boisterous conduct has a tendency to irritate and make nervous the people who have to come into contact with it. In public and elsewhere you are accredited with as much refinement and gentility as your manners display--no more.
It is a mark of extreme good breeding to be able to meet all emergencies calmly and without uncontrolled anger or excitement. In training in the etiquette of calm behavior, there can be no better test than that of controlling the temper. Do not confuse this serenity of manner with cowardice; for the calm dignity that forbids one to be ill-mannered also forbids one to endure insolence. By learning to control the temper, one develops that kind of poise which is undeniably one of the greatest a.s.sets in the social and business worlds.
THE CHARM OF COURTESY
Real culture has a tendency to avoid excessive individuality. Instead, it requires that all people be treated with equal courtesy, whether they are strangers in the street of friends in the drawing-room. And it is this very charm of courtesy that has made etiquette so important a factor in civilization.
”All doors open to courtesy,” the proverbs tell us. The ”general public”
so sadly abused in book and speech, is quick to recognize courtesy and eager to respond to it. Before a pleasant face and a courteous manner, all obstacles vanish, and we find ourselves progressing easily through the world, making friends as we go.
Some of us vainly pride ourselves upon being frank and candid in our a.s.sociation with others. This is a serious blunder which many men and women make. It is not commendable to be frank, when courtesy is sacrificed. Be truthful and just, but do not be unkind. And it certainly is unkind to repeat bits of gossip or scandal, unless there is a special reason why it should be done. How much better it is to gain the reputation of being considerate than the reputation of being brutally frank!
There are countless trifling tests of good manners that distinguish the well-bred. And these same tests prove that a careful attention to the rights and comforts of others, is one of the most decided marks of good breeding. For instance, at the postoffice one can immediately discern the well-bred man. He stands quietly in line until there is room for him at the window. He does not crowd. He does not attempt to push ahead of others to reach the window before his turn. He does not interfere with other people's business; he would be horrified at the thought of deliberately loitering near a window to overhear the private affairs of some other man. He is quiet, un.o.btrusive and considerate, moving quickly away from the window for the next person's convenience. In manner and speech, he is essentially _courteous_.
It is impossible to be a lady or gentleman without _gentle_ manners. And it is impossible to have gentle manners without being _courteous_. The word ”courtesy” to-day should carry the same meaning of beauty and charm that the word ”chivalry” did in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN