Volume Ii Part 22 (2/2)

Many gentlemen, while speaking to ladies in the street, stand with their heads uncovered. While it is a polite custom, it is dangerous to the health and therefore should not be indulged in except in warm weather.

The most usual method is to lift the hat upon meeting, slowly replace it during the conversation or while walking beside the lady, and lift it again when taking leave of her.

IN THE STREET CAR

”The world is on wheels!” declares a modern writer. ”Everyone is going somewhere, and all the world is moving!” And Dr. Eliot of Harvard, in a recent newspaper article, deplores the fact that the ”younger generation” is losing in courtesy and good manners that which it is gaining in this rapid onward rush of the world's affairs.

”There is a general coa.r.s.ening of manners” declares the president emeritus of Harvard University. ”Young women expect to encounter rudeness from young men and they do not resent it” and when one watches the rough-and-tumble manners of people in subways and street cars every day one is inclined to agree with him.

The custom of relinquis.h.i.+ng one's seat, for instance, is not as marked as it was a decade ago. Perhaps the new suffrage amendments may have something to do with it. Perhaps the war and woman's changed status is the reason. Or it may just be a ”coa.r.s.ening of manners.” But whatever it is, we do not find our young men of to-day as eager to relinquish their seats in the car as they were several years ago.

Women should never indicate by word or glance that they wish a man to give up his seat. But the woman who is ill, or who is extremely tired should feel no hesitancy in making the request if her need is really great. When the seat is given, the owner should be thanked for his kindness. This holds true whether the courtesy has been requested or whether it has been spontaneous.

Boisterous action in the street car is inexcusable--as it is anywhere else. The girl of mirthful disposition who laughs loudly may not be doing it to attract attention to herself but merely to give vent to her gay spirits, but it is most unattractive. ”All noise is waste”--but it is more than waste in public where it reflects ill-breeding upon the person who is the perpetrator.

ENTERING THE CAR

In ascending a car on an omnibus, a man a.s.sists the woman he is escorting by a slight touch at the elbow. He enters after her, finding her a seat and taking his place next to her. If there is only one empty place in the car, he stands directly in front of her, or as near as possible. If a man relinquishes his seat to the woman, the escort must lift his hat and offer a word of thanks for the kindness. A smile from the woman is sufficient. In leaving the car the order is reversed; the gentleman leaves first and a.s.sists the woman in alighting.

A man pays all fares and fees for the woman he is escorting. But when a man meets a woman in the street by chance and they both enter a car together, he is not under obligation to pay her fare. Common sense has made a rule of its own in this matter, and some men insist upon paying the fare of women they meet even inside the car. But etiquette tells us that only an escort is under obligation to pay the fare of a woman.

IN THE TAXICAB

Here again the woman enters first, a.s.sisted by her escort. There is no rule as to which side she should take in the car; she enters first and takes the furthest seat, whether it be to the right or left. In alighting the man again leads the way, a.s.sisting the woman to reach the ground safely.

A word of caution will not be amiss here. No woman or girl should ride in a taxicab with a man who is not her escort, unless she has a very good reason for doing so. It is not conventional, and in most cases it is not prudent. The woman with a fine regard for all the little niceties of good conduct, who wishes to observe the rules of etiquette in their truest sense, does not ride in a taxicab with a man, and allow him to pay the bill, unless he is acting as her escort. And ordinarily, a gentleman of polished manners does not ask a lady to ride with him unless he is taking her to a social function such as a dance, formal dinner or theater party.

If the taxicab has double seats, the man should take his place with his back facing the driver, unless he is an old friend of many years'

standing. A new acquaintance should not take the liberty of sharing a seat in the taxicab with a young woman unless she has particularly asked him to do so.

SOME SOCIAL ERRORS

Reserve should not be confused with haughtiness. The first is a necessary social attribute; the second is a regrettable social evil that should be carefully avoided.

To be haughty, proud, superior, is to indicate that you hold those beneath you in contempt. When etiquette is based on courtesy and a consideration for the rights and comforts of a fellow-man, one readily sees why this is a mistake. A haughty person is a conceited person. A haughty person is an unkind person. And therefore, a haughty person is an uncultured person.

Reserve, on the other hand, is a calm dignity that comes with the knowledge that one does and says only what is entirely correct. It is that certain well-poised sureness of oneself entirely devoid of all semblance of pride,--yet with sufficient self-respect to attract instinctively the respect of others. Reserve is that which is developed only after close application to, and experience in, the laws of good conduct. Haughtiness is merely a sham drapery used to cover the defects of uncultured manners.

The other extreme of haughtiness is self-consciousness. Both faults are the result of too much self-thought. To overcome self-consciousness, which makes you awkward, easily embarra.s.sed, and ill at ease--think less of yourself! Think of the books you have read, of the people you have met, of the new scenes you have observed. Take a more keen interest in people. Speak to them. Don't be afraid of them. But most important of all, forget yourself. And before you realize it, you will have developed sufficient poise and _unself-consciousness_ to be confident to appear in the most elaborate drawing-room, among the most brilliant and highly cultured people, without feeling the least bit ill at ease.

”Our personal appearance is our show window where we insert what we have for sale, and we are judged by what we put there.” If you remember to observe this bit of philosophy of Orison S. Marden's--not only in dress, but in speech and manners and bearing--you will invariably do and say and wear what is correct in public.

CHAPTER V

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