Volume I Part 3 (1/2)
It is also customary to place an announcement in the society columns of the newspapers simultaneously with the giving of the dinner party. It should always be written by the parents about their daughter, or by the guardian if she has no parents--never by the engaged girl herself.
ANNOUNCING AN ENGAGEMENT IN THE NEWSPAPERS
The vogue to-day seems to favor announcing engagements in the newspaper rather than through the issuing of announcement cards. Such items of announcement should be sent to the society editor of the paper selected, and should be signed with the full name and address of the sender. Brief items are always better than long ones.
Here are two typical newspaper announcements of recent engagements:
_”Mr. and Mrs. Henry M. Bower announce the engagement of their daughter Rose to Mr. Walter Barrie of Boston. The date of the wedding will be announced in this paper later.”_
_”The engagement of Miss Lillian Hall to Mr. Robert G. Manning is announced by Mr. and Mrs. John B. Hall. The wedding is to take place in St. Thomas's Church on the 15th of June.”_
ENGAGEMENT GIFTS
It is not customary for elaborate engagement gifts to be presented, even by near relatives. In fact, the mode of the engagement gift has been gradually disappearing until to-day congratulations are considered sufficient. However, the close friends of the young lady may send her, with their congratulations, pleasing bits of chinaware, gla.s.sware, and sometimes even silver. Odd pieces of bric-a-brac and quaint, unusual gifts, and antiques are always acceptable. Markings on gifts are usually in the maiden name of the bride--but if any doubt is felt as to which she herself would prefer, it is best to ask her.
There is an old tradition regarding the giving of tea-cups as an engagement present. A lover, who was obliged to go away on an extended sea journey, gave to his betrothed a delicate china cup, asking her to drink tea from it every afternoon. He said, ”If I am unfaithful, the cup will fill to overbr.i.m.m.i.n.g and the tea pouring over the sides will crack the thin china. Then you will know I have broken faith.” The custom has been brought down to us, and now we find that the giving of a tea-cup or a tea-set as an engagement present signifies faithfulness--and it may mean faithfulness to friends.h.i.+p or love as the case may be. We usually find that a young lady's spinster friends are partial to the custom; they seem to find particular enjoyment in presenting her with dainty tea-cups, either separately or in sets.
Expensive gifts should never be exchanged during an engagement, barring of course the engagement ring. The young man may present his prospective bride with books, flowers or candy, but articles of wearing apparel are considered bad taste.
To be modest, gracious, dignified during the engagement, to continue one's social duties faithfully, neither neglecting one's friends nor becoming self-consciously enthusiastic, to be self-possessed and unaffected even while one is the center of much lively interest and animated discussion--this is the end to be desired, and the young man and woman who have accomplished it are indeed fortunate.
BRIDAL SHOWERS
A good many years ago a friend of a young woman who was about to be married decided that the only gift she could afford was too slight an offering to express the love and good wishes that she felt. Knowing that there were other friends who felt the same way she called them together and suggested that they present their gifts at the same time.
Then and there the idea of the ”shower” was born.
The custom has prevailed and in most instances to-day the shower has a special purpose, such as the linen shower or the kitchen shower or the book shower. It is a very charming way of presenting gifts that would seem too trifling if they were presented alone.
Intimate friends of the bride are the guests at a shower. It is usually a very informal affair and nearly always a surprise to the bride. The gifts may be hidden in a Jack Horner pie, they may be wrapped in all sorts of odd packages, or they may be presented in any of a hundred and one attractive ways. Originality in this, as in all entertainments, is greatly to be desired.
The young lady who is honored with a shower thanks the guests verbally, and afterwards she may write each of them a little note expressing her grat.i.tude. It is necessary to do so if the affair was an elaborate one and the gifts were expensive.
LENGTH OF THE ENGAGEMENT
The question of how long an engagement should last is usually governed by attendant conditions. There is, however, a marked tendency for engagements to be short; in fact, fas.h.i.+on now demands that the wedding-day be at least tentatively fixed before the engagement is announced.
Many times there are excellent reasons why it should be of several years' duration. It is best not to announce the fact formally, though it may be understood among one's friends. Matters of this kind are to be determined by the two people who are most concerned, and if a young man and his fiance have decided that they would like to have a long engagement the rules of etiquette have nothing to say against it.
RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE WEDDING
The father and mother of the young lady who is about to be married a.s.sume all responsibility for the preparation for and the celebration of the wedding. The groom is not expected to pay for anything except the ring and flowers for the bride and, if he wishes, the flowers for the bridesmaids and trifling gifts for the ushers and other attendants.
The clergyman's fee also devolves upon him, but all other expenses are paid by the bride's parents or guardians. Indeed, it would indicate a great lack of tact or delicacy on the part of the groom to offer to provide a part of the trousseau or to pay for any of the other expenses incidental to the occasion.
Announcement cards, invitations, music, flowers and other decorations for the church, the preparations for the breakfast or reception to follow the ceremony--all of these are paid for by her parents. The wedding should never be more elaborate than the parents of the bride can afford.