Volume I Part 2 (1/2)
THE TRUE LADY AND GENTLEMAN
It is not enough to be wealthy. It is not enough to be widely famed.
But if one is well-mannered, if one knows how to conduct oneself with poise, grace and self-confidence, one will win respect and honor no matter where one chances to be.
There are very few men indeed who do not value good manners. They may ridicule them, they may despise them--but deep down in their hearts they know that good manners have a certain charm, a certain power, that wealth and fame together do not possess. They know that right in their own business spheres there are men who owe their success and position to the appearance that they make, to the manner in which they conduct themselves. And they know that there are beautiful women who are coldly repellent; while some plain women win the hearts of everyone with whom they come in contact, merely by the charm of their manners.
The perfect gentleman is not the dude, the over-dressed ”dandy” who disdains the workingman in his patched clothes and who sniffs contemptuously at the word ”work.” The true gentleman is kindly, courageous, civil. He is kind to everyone--to the tottering old man he helps across the street, and to the mischievous young rascal who throws a ball through his window. He does not know what it is to become angry, to lose control of his temper, to speak discourteously. He never shows that he is embarra.s.sed or ill at ease. He is as calm and unconcerned in the presence of a world-wide celebrity as he is when he is with his most intimate friend. Nor is he ever bitter, haughty or arrogant. And he is as far from being effeminate as he is from being coa.r.s.e and brutal. In short, he knows the manners of good society and he does not hesitate to use them.
The perfect lady is not the ornamental b.u.t.terfly of society, as so many would have us believe. She is gentle, and well-dressed and graceful--not merely ornamental. She does some useful work, no matter what it is. She is patient always, and generous. She never speaks harshly to tradespeople or to servants; gentleness and reserve are the very keynotes of her manner. She is never haughty, never superior. She is kind and courteous to everyone, and she conducts herself with the calm, una.s.suming grace that instinctively wins a responsive respect. In her manner towards men she is reserved, modest. But she is self-reliant and not afraid to a.s.sert herself. Her speech and manner are characterized always by dignity, repose and self-confidence.
It is only by knowing the laws of good conduct, and by following them faithfully, that one can hope ever to become a true gentleman or true lady.
THE SECRET OF SOCIAL SUCCESS
Every man who so wishes may become a gentleman, and every woman may become a lady in every sense of the word. It requires only the cultivation of those qualities outlined above. And it is here that the use of etiquette lies, that the importance of good manners is most strikingly portrayed.
Etiquette teaches you how to be gentle, calm, patient. It tells you how to be at ease among strangers. It tells you how to cultivate grace, poise, self-confidence. Not only does it tell you how, but it _gives_ you poise and self-confidence. By teaching you the right thing to do at the right time, it eliminates all possibility of mistakes--and hence all embarra.s.sment and awkwardness vanish.
The existence of these fixed social laws, these little rules of etiquette, makes it easy for the man and woman who have not been bred in the best society, to master the knowledge which will enable them to enter that society and mingle with the most highly cultivated people without feeling embarra.s.sed or uncomfortable. It tears down the barriers between the wealthy and the poor, between the educated and the ignorant. By knowing what to do and say and write and wear on all occasions, under all conditions, any man or woman can enter any society and mingle with any people. The old proverb might well be changed to read, ”Culture makes the whole world kin!” Of course if a man suddenly became wealthy and he wished to enter the highest society, his wealth might serve as an opening. But he would soon find that money was not enough--that he needed manners. He might mingle with society for years, slowly acquiring the correct table manners, the correct mode of address, the correct manner of making introductions, the correct way to conduct himself at all times, in all places. But it would take many years before the rough edges of his previous uncultivated manners were rubbed away. Instead of waiting for years of contact with cultured people to bring him the correct manners befitting a man of wealth, he need only learn at once from a dependable authority the etiquette of society, the good form that has been crystallized into rules after years of social intercourse. It is the easiest road to social success.
WHAT MANNERS WILL DO FOR YOU
Every day you come into contact with people, with strangers, who judge you by what you do and say. They go away carrying an impression of you--and it depends upon your manners whether it is a good impression or a bad impression.
It is a mistake to think that good manners are meant for the elaborate ball room or for the formal dinner. Society is not necessarily too formal or too ”showy.” Society implies also that society of fellow-men you meet every day of the year--people you come into contact with in the social and business worlds. And in order to make contact with these people agreeable and pleasant, in order to win the admiration and respect of strangers, in order to avoid embarra.s.sment and humiliation because of bad blunders at most conspicuous moments, it is essential to know what is right and what is wrong.
Good manners will enable you to be easy and graceful at all times. You will be able to mingle with the most cultured people and be perfectly at ease. You will lose all self-consciousness, all timidity. And instead you will become dignified, well-poised, calm. Instinctively people will respect you; in business and in society you will find yourself welcomed and admired.
ETIQUETTE'S REWARD
Etiquette is like the binding of a book--just as the binding reveals the name of the book, and protects the valuable pages that are inside, so does etiquette reveal the breeding and culture of an individual, and protects him from the disrespect, ridicule and snubs of the world.
Etiquette will make you dignified. It will make your actions and speech refined, polished, impressive. It will make you a leader instead of a follower, a partic.i.p.ant instead of a looker-on. It will open the doors of the highest society to you, make you immune to all embarra.s.sment, enable you to conduct yourself with ease and confidence at all times, under all circ.u.mstances.
The rewards of etiquette are too numerous to recount. If you follow the laws of good conduct, if you do only what is right and in good form, you will find yourself an acknowledged leader, an acknowledged success, no matter in what station of life you may be. The world is quick to perceive good manners, just as it is quick to perceive the blunders in etiquette. If you study the rules of good conduct, and follow good form in everything you do and say, you will become courteous and kind and well-mannered. Etiquette will attract people to you, make you and your home a center of social activity. But most of all, it will make you respect yourself. And that is more important than riches or fame--for self-respect is the only thing that brings true happiness.
Remember the words of the prophet, ”He who respects himself will earn the respect of all the world.”
CHAPTER III
ENGAGEMENTS
OF SPECIAL IMPORTANCE
There is perhaps no time when the rules of etiquette need to be so strictly observed as during the period of courts.h.i.+p. All the world loves a lover--but this does not keep the world from watching closely and criticizing severely any breach of good manners, especially on the part of the young lady.