Volume I Part 1 (2/2)

What is a gentleman? The question is an old one. It cannot be ancestry, for often the son of most n.o.ble and honored parentage is merely a coa.r.s.e compound of clay and money, offered to society as a gentleman, It cannot be dress--for surely Beau Brummell was not what the world loves to call a gentleman, despite his stiffly starched cravats and brightly polished boots. It cannot be money, for then many a common thief, made wealthy by his ill-gotten gains, would be ent.i.tled to the name of gentleman.

No, it is something that goes deeper than ancestry or dress or wealth--something that is n.o.bler and finer than any, or all, of these.

Perhaps it can be best expressed by this beautiful example of what true etiquette can mean:

Henry Ward Beecher, on a very cold day, stopped to buy a newspaper from a ragged youngster who stood s.h.i.+vering on a corner. ”Poor little fellow,” he said, ”aren't you cold standing here?” The boy looked up with a smile and said, ”I was, sir--before you pa.s.sed.”

The word _etiquette_ itself does not mean very much. It comes from the same origin as the word ”ticket” and originally meant the rules of court ceremony printed on tickets that were given to each person presented at court. But through generations the ideal of perfected culture surged, until to-day we have a code of manners that is the pride and inspiration of refined living.

LAWS OF SOCIETY

Etiquette, after all, is not the finished work, but merely a tool that opens the portals to a broader life, to a greater social happiness.

Through its influence we are brought into close companions.h.i.+p with the really worth-while minds of our day. By faithful constancy to its rules we gradually mold our characters until, in our outward dignity and charm, the world reads and understands our ideals.

There is in every human nature the desire for social happiness--which is, frankly, in other words, the desire so to impress by one's manner that one will be welcome and respected wherever one chances to be. And it is only by adhering to the fundamental laws of good society that this social happiness can ever be attained.

In observing the established etiquette of modern society it is necessary to pay particular attention to one's appearance, manner, and speech. It must be remembered that the world is a harsh judge and is perfectly willing to condemn us by outward appearances. In the street-car, in the ball-room, at the theater--every day people are reading the story of our characters and ideals.

Society has its own definite code of manners that must be observed before one can enter its portals. There are certain rules that must be followed before one can enter its envied circle. There are conventionalities that must be observed in requesting a lady to dance, in acknowledging an introduction, in using the knife and fork at the dinner table. There are certain prevailing modes in dressing for the theater and reception. To know and adhere to these laws is to be admitted to the highest society and enjoy the company of the most brilliant minds.

Etiquette is an art--the art of doing and saying the correct thing at the correct time--the art of being able to hold oneself always in hand, no matter how exacting the circ.u.mstance. And like music or painting or writing, the more you study it, the more you apply yourself to its principles, the more perfectly your own character is molded.

CONTROL OF THE IMPULSES

The cultured man is never angry, never impatient, never demonstrative.

His actions and speech are tempered with a dispa.s.sionate calmness and tranquillity that the French admiringly call _sang froid_. He knows how to control his emotions so effectively that no one can read, in his self-possessed expression, whether he is angry or pleased, discouraged or eager.

Perhaps the most striking and admirable thing about a man of breeding is his carefully disciplined impulses. He may at times lose control of himself, but he is never petulant, never incoherent. He may be greatly enthusiastic about some unexpected happening, but he never becomes excited, never loses control of his reasoning faculties. He never gives the appearance of being in a hurry, no matter how swift his actions may be--there is always about him the suggestion of leisure and poise.

Swearing is essentially vulgar. It was Dr. Crane, the famous essayist and philosopher, who said in one of his delightful talks, ”The superior man is gentle. It is only the man with a defective vocabulary that swears. All noise is waste. The silent sun is mightier than the whirlwind. The genuine lady speaks low. The most striking characteristic of the superior ones is their quiet, their poise. They have about them a sense of the stars.” Strong feeling, anger, have no place in the social life.

We are all uneasy at times. We all have our embarra.s.sing moments. But the well-bred person knows how to conceal his emotions, and impulses, so well that no one but himself knows that he is uneasy or embarra.s.sed.

It is not only exceedingly unpleasant, but it is also very poor form to show by our gestures and frowns and speech that we are annoyed by some circ.u.mstance that is entirely beyond our control.

Impulsiveness is often the cause of serious breaches of etiquette--breaches that are, socially speaking, the ruin of many a rising young man, of many an otherwise charming young woman. The gentleman never shows by hasty word or angry glance that he is displeased with some service. The lady never shows, either in her speech or manner, that she is excited with some unexpected happening, or disappointed because something did not happen the way she planned it. It is only by studying the rules of etiquette and knowing absolutely what is right to do and say under all conditions that one acquires this splendid self-possession and composure of manner.

REGARD FOR THE RIGHTS OF OTHERS

William De Witt Hyde, in his book, ”Practical Ethics,” says, ”Politeness is proper respect for human personality. Rudeness results from thinking exclusively about ourselves and caring nothing for the feelings of anybody else. The sincere desire to bring the greatest pleasure and least pain to everyone we meet will go a long way towards making our manners more polite and courteous.”

<script>