Volume I Part 1 (1/2)
Book of Etiquette.
by Lillian Eichler.
PREFACE
Success without culture is like old-fas.h.i.+oned strawberry short cake without the whipped cream. It has no flavor.
There are certain little courteous observances, certain social formalities that bespeak the true lady, the true gentlemen. Some of us call it good form. Some of us call it culture. Some of us call it etiquette. But we all admit that it makes the world a better place to live in.
In Italy, young men and women are considered _ben educato_, not when they can read and write, but when they know the established forms of convention--when they can show by a correct dignity and ease of manner that they are perfect in their knowledge of the rules of good society.
And, after all, don't you yourself judge people by what they do, and say, and wear? Don't you read in their manner and appearance the secret of their inner worth? Isn't character and disposition revealed in the outer personality?
Perhaps you have heard the story of the ”gentleman” who prided himself on being perfect in the art of etiquette. On one occasion, he pa.s.sed a lake and heard a drowning man call for help. Quickly he threw off his coat and was about to plunge into the water, when he suddenly remembered that he had never been introduced to the struggling victim.
Putting on his coat again, he proceeded on his way quite self-satisfied.
This is an instance where common-sense would have been the better part of etiquette. Too rigid an observance of the laws of good society makes them nothing short of an absurdity. The purpose of correct manners is not to enable us to strut about in society and command the admiring glances of the people around us--as the peac.o.c.k, in its vanity, parades before onlookers in a proud dignity that is quite obviously a.s.sumed.
The true service of etiquette is so to strengthen and simplify the social life that we are able to do what is absolutely correct and right without even stopping to think about it.
That, then, is the purpose of THE BOOK OF ETIQUETTE--to give to the reader so clear and definite an understanding of the social life that he will be able to have at all times, under all conditions, that unaffected grace and charm of manner that the French like to call _savoir faire_. It has been written, not for the exceedingly ill-bred or for the highly polished, but for those who find a certain sense of satisfaction in doing what is correct--sincere men and women who, in the performance of their business and social duties, find that there is a constant need for cordial and gracious relations.h.i.+p with those around them.
If the following chapters awaken in the reader the desire for closer companions.h.i.+p with the vast world of human nature, of which we are all a part; if it takes from his nature all that is coa.r.s.e, awkward and unrefined, subst.i.tuting instead a gallantry of spirit and a gentleness of breeding; if it makes him a more loving and a more lovable person--then THE BOOK OF ETIQUETTE will have served its purpose.
Incidentally, the author is indebted to Mr. L. E. Smith, without whose cooperation this book would never have been written.
_Lillian Eichler._
PART I
”_The power of manners is incessant--an element as unconcealable as fire. The n.o.bility cannot in any country be disguised, and no more in a republic or a democracy than in a kingdom. There are certain manners which are learned in good society, of that force that, if a person have them, he or she must be considered, and is everywhere welcome, though without beauty, or wealth, or genius._”
--_From Emerson's Essays_.
BOOK OF ETIQUETTE
CHAPTER I
INTRODUCTION TO ETIQUETTE
WHAT IS ETIQUETTE?
At a meeting of army officers during the Civil War, one of them began to relate a questionable story, remarking, as if to excuse his lack of good taste, that ”there were no ladies present.” General Grant, who was acting as chairman of the meeting, remarked, ”No, but there are gentlemen”--and he refused to allow the officer to continue the story.