Part 15 (2/2)

'Doubt it.' She reapplied gloss in the mirror. 'There's no time to find a bloke in this job-it's all pollies, staff and journos, all of whom are off limits.'

'All of them?'

'All of them. Why?'

Yes, Ruby, why? asked my head.

'Come on,' I said, 'we need to find a way to get the media bus here without pa.s.sing the billboard.'

'I'll do that. You wait for the cops and buy me some chocolate.'

I went outside to Felix. 'What are you wearing this afternoon?'

'This.'

My head shook itself.

'Felix, you're about to be on national television and these will become your new file photographs with all the local papers.'

He looked down at his front-pleated chinos and the stripy s.h.i.+rt under his droopy jacket.

'I've watched enough Trinny and Susannah to know that s.h.i.+rt will strobe on telly, the jacket and chinos are too similar to look contrasting and too different to look matched. The LOO will probably be wearing a suit because he's coming straight from the plane.'

He looked wounded.

'Sorry.'

'No worries,' said Felix, perking up a bit. 'I'll go home and change. I've got a really gangster pinstripe-'

I shook my head. 'Anything plain?'

'Nonie knows my wardrobe better than I do. I'll get her on the phone.' He dialled and gave me his handset.

'Nonie, my name's Roo and I work for Max Masters. I need your help. Has Felix got any block-colour suits?'

'I am so glad you asked. I bought one for him, but he never wears it because he thinks it's too flash. It's just a two-b.u.t.ton black suit I got in the sales last year from Hugo Boss. It fits him like a glove. He has a white s.h.i.+rt and textured red tie to go with it.'

'Gorgeous,' I said. 'Is it clean?'

'It's still got the tags on. Listen, while I've got you on the phone I was thinking of wearing a little royal-blue summer dress and white cardigan-does that sound okay?'

'How little?'

She laughed. 'Below the knee.'

'Shoes?'

'White sandals, low-heeled.'

'Lovely,' I said, 'I look forward to meeting you.' I handed Felix his phone. 'Go home. Nonie knows what to do.'

When the cops had arrived and were satisfied with the venue, I went in search of chocolate and called Debs to track down my suitcase.

'Young Ruby,' she said, 'you'll be pleased to know I sent your bag to Perth with my colleague.'

'Actually, I'm in Adelaide.'

'b.u.g.g.e.r. Are you going to be there overnight?'

'I have no idea.'

'Well, when you know, tell me and I'll have it couriered to you. Are you still wearing your pink frock?'

'No,' I said. 'I bought myself some new gear and I sort of borrowed your overnight bag from Daphne's cupboard in Melbourne.'

'Did you now?' She laughed. 'And all this time I've been self-flagellating for my poor wardrobe-challenged niece, only to discover she has stolen my favourite pants.'

'I didn't steal any of your pants. That's disgusting.'

'Trousers are pants in this country, dear girl,' she said. 'The only people who wear trousers are old men and, in any case, they usually refer to them as slacks. Flip-flops are thongs, thongs are g-strings, sweets are lollies and a lay-by is a purchasing method-not a lorry stop. And we don't say lorry. It sounds like a girl's name, not a truck. Rhymes with f.u.c.k-far more appropriate. Daph has the list.'

'Whatever,' I said. 'Anyway, Aunty Debs, I'm very impressed that you referred to me as your niece. And there I was thinking you were a puppy-hating commitmentphobe.'

'I did not call you my niece. Anyway, I've got to go, champ. Super busy.' She hung up.

Then I remembered the trousers. I had left them and Debs' s.h.i.+rt in the Perth hotel laundry. I emailed Beryl.

Beryl Could you please track down the number for housekeeping at the hotel in Perth? I need to do some urgent trousers recovery.

Roo For the life of me, I couldn't remember the name of the hotel. I did recall that the bed had been comfortable and I hadn't spent enough time in it.

Armed with three bags of something called Fantales, I got a text message from Maddy.

In manager's office with Felix who looks seriously hot. Nonie looks like Cate b.l.o.o.d.y Blanchett with Angelina Jolie's lips. Come quickly-Luke on way from airport. M She wasn't wrong. Felix looked like he'd stepped off a red carpet and Nonie was a vision in a bias-cut, cobalt silk dress.

'You two look the part.'

'You must be Roo,' said Nonie, rus.h.i.+ng to embrace me. Maddy shot me a murderous look.

We made our way to the designated entrance to wait with the media scrum for Max and Sh.e.l.ly, Luke and the rest of the campaign team.

'Welcome back to Watson, Max,' said Felix when the LOO arrived. They began the walk.

I hung back at a safe distance with the journalists. 'Where have you been?' Oscar breathed in my ear.

'Here and there,' I said. 'And you?' Maddy, who was walking with Luke, turned around. I tried to ignore her stare.

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