Part 12 (1/2)

'Roo!' Di gestured for me to join her at the big blue bus that had pulled up at the front of the school.

'Bye, Oscar.'

'Lovely to meet you, Roo,' he said with an adorable, dimpled smile.

'Watch out for him,' Di warned when I reached her, then she clasped her megaphone hands around her mouth and morphed into a tour guide. 'Can all travelling media please board the bus now.'

I handed her a bottle of water. A few of the journalists, camera crews and photographers boarded the bus while others stood around to file stories. It was almost eleven o'clock and I'd been up for seven hours. I was starting to flag.

My BlackBerry beeped.

That worked well. Maddy I wrote back.

Great event, Maddy. Let's grab a drink at the next stop. R When everyone was on the bus, Di stood up. 'Welcome, everyone, to our campaign. Roo and I want you to know that we're here for you.'

Look what you've got yourself into, said my head.

'Like us, not many of you will have planned to be on the road for thirty-three days. You've all got editors and producers and deadlines. Roo and I are determined to make sure that you always have somewhere to write copy and file stories. If you need information about scheduling, come to Roo or me and we'll tell you what we know.

'First up, we're off to Brisbane, where Max will be giving a speech on small and medium enterprises. We'll circulate a release shortly and answer any questions you might have. Roo will come and meet you all now.'

I obliged. It wasn't even midday, but it looked as though Debs' s.h.i.+rt and trousers would see another day of wear after all.

Fast food, fast policy.

I wanted to nap in the air but the journalists were anxious to see our press release. Although it was lunchtime, the media jet could offer only a selection of biscuits. Grumpiness spread like small pox through the pa.s.sengers.

Di grabbed me by the shoulder and pulled me into the toilet, shutting the door.

'Look, I'm flattered, but I'm not into ladies.'

She didn't laugh. 'We're up the creek,' she said, breathless. 'They're going to eat me alive.'

'Snakes on a plane?'

Still no laugh. 'Luke vetoed the policy Theo's been working on because it was s.h.i.+t, and is rewriting it himself. The LOO's supposed to be giving a speech about a policy that hasn't been written and I've got jack-all to give this lot until it's sent to me.'

'Sit,' I said.

She hyperventilated and shook her head.

'Do as you're told,' I commanded, channelling my mother. She sank onto the toilet seat. I handed her a sick-bag from the dispenser. 'Put your head between your legs and breathe slowly into this.'

She looked up at me like Clem does when she's in trouble. 'Do it,' I said. The world slowed down for a minute. 'Now I'm going to go out there and talk to them and you're going to stay in here and splash water on your face.'

Di nodded, breathing deeply.

I may have sounded cool and confident, but in truth I had a serious case of nerves. I made my way to the front of the cabin and cleared my throat. 'Ladies and gentlemen.' I exaggerated my accent for effect. 'Due to the rushed circ.u.mstances of arranging this flight, we were unable to organise lunch for you.' This was met with a collective grumble.

'But when we land, I'll be going through a drive-through,' I improvised, 'so if you could put some thought into whether you're a burger or a nuggets person, I'll take your orders just prior to landing.' Most of them laughed.

'What about the release?' asked a bald grouch in row four.

'We will give you copies of the release half an hour before Max is due to speak. I know this is a pain, but we're having a few technology problems. We're confident these will be resolved by the end of Day One.'

'Day Two, you mean,' corrected the grouch.

'Give the girl a break, Gary,' yelled Oscar from the back.

'Thanks, everyone,' I said. It felt like a career highlight even if I would be taking drive-through orders.

Oscar stopped me as I pa.s.sed him en route to the loo. 'Don't mind Spinnaker, Roo,' he said. 'He's more of a nugget, if you know what I mean.'

I smiled and returned to Di, who was applying concealer to her dark circles.

'You're a life-saver.'

'Hardly,' I said, attempting to be modest.

'Don't tell anyone I had a meltdown,' she pleaded, 'especially Archie.'

'What meltdown?'

We rejoined the cabin. Di fielded a volley of questions regarding a policy she knew nothing about. I worked my way through each row taking orders. I disembarked first in Brisbane. The humidity was so thick that even the palm trees were sweating. I hailed a taxi.

'Is there a McDonald's between here and the convention centre?' I asked the driver.

'There's one at the Gabba. You got a craving?'

'Isn't the Gabba the cricket ground?'

'It's also a suburb.'

I Googled the number and dialled.

'McDonald's Woolloongabba, Codie speaking. How can I help you?' said a breaking voice.

'Hi, my name is Ruby and I need to place a very big order.' I drew breath. 'Twelve Quarter Pounder meals, eight Big Mac meals, six Cheeseburger meals and eleven Filet-O-Fish meals. Half with c.o.ke, half with Diet c.o.ke. I need it all in half an hour.'

'Is this a prank?'

'No,' I said, 'I work for the Leader of the Opposition and there's a plane full of hungry journalists waiting to be fed.'

'We'll do our best.'

I emailed Di.