Part 7 (1/2)

PRINCIPLE THREE: CRITICISM IS SELF-EXALTING.

Here's a third principle about criticism that we find ill.u.s.trated in the attack by Aaron and Miriam: Criticism is self-exalting. Criticism is self-exalting. Ultimately, criticism inflates the self. Oswald Chambers, the great devotional writer, wrote, ”Beware of anything that puts you in the place of the superior person.” Anything that makes you feel superior is not conducive to your spiritual life. That's what criticism does: It takes the focus off me and my faults and highlights me as the one who knows. ”I know; I see.” Criticism elevates me as the highest and best. Criticism reduces the pain of being in the spotlight and gives me the fleshly satisfaction of running the spotlight. And in a sick sort of way it can feel good to put that kind of pressure on others. People find it much harder to see my life if I am s.h.i.+ning the glaring light of criticism on others! Ultimately, criticism inflates the self. Oswald Chambers, the great devotional writer, wrote, ”Beware of anything that puts you in the place of the superior person.” Anything that makes you feel superior is not conducive to your spiritual life. That's what criticism does: It takes the focus off me and my faults and highlights me as the one who knows. ”I know; I see.” Criticism elevates me as the highest and best. Criticism reduces the pain of being in the spotlight and gives me the fleshly satisfaction of running the spotlight. And in a sick sort of way it can feel good to put that kind of pressure on others. People find it much harder to see my life if I am s.h.i.+ning the glaring light of criticism on others!

Be careful you don't find yourself saying subconsciously, ”If I can't make my mark in this world by what I do, maybe I'll make it for knowing what others could do better.” Criticism is self-exalting, and G.o.d will not honor that.

PRINCIPLE FOUR: CRITICISM IS PAINFUL.

Here is a fourth, unexpected principle of criticism in our biblical story: Criticism is painful Criticism is painful. Let's look at criticism's impact on the other person. You are probably well aware of the pain of someone criticizing you. Imagine Moses: His brother and sister, the ones he thought he could count on, suddenly turned on him. The betrayal must have cut deeply. Sometimes the ones who injure us the most are the ones closest to us. Our immediate families at home and at church know our faults and where we are vulnerable to injury.

A person who is constantly or continually criticized can become good-for-nothing. The effect of criticism can knock all of the confidence and power out of a person's life. The pain from the ”coldwater bucket brigade” can be devastating.

If your ideas are ignored and your efforts ridiculed, if you have been mocked by those from whom you most need support and encouragement, my heart goes out to you. Parents often leave their kids' lives in shambles by creating a household filled with criticism. Maybe you have been thinking about your parents or some other significant person this whole chapter-hardly able to focus on your own life because you have been seeing the face of your harshest critic. You remember someone who has left deep scars upon your life by constantly criticizing you. ”That's not good enough!” Or, ”You'll never get it right!” Maybe those words ring in your ears.

How do you respond to such criticism? The key is to remember we are not here to win people's approval but G.o.d's. The apostle Paul wrote, ”Am I now seeking the favor of men, or of G.o.d? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ” ”Am I now seeking the favor of men, or of G.o.d? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10). (Galatians 1:10).

Theodore Roosevelt said, ”It's not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbles or how the doer of deeds might have done it better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” 1 1 I encourage you to turn down the volume on the critics in your life. Center your attention on what G.o.d thinks of you, and life will be better. Otherse, it's so easy to get sucked into the wilderness by someone who seems to love it there.

PRINCIPLE FIVE: CRITICISM IS OFTEN INADVERTENT.

A fifth principle of criticism that we learn through Aaron and Miriam is that criticism is often inadvertent. criticism is often inadvertent. This is a very important point. Not every person who criticizes has a wicked, awful heart. A healthy portion of the critical things that people say are words they wouldn't say if they thought twice. This is a very important point. Not every person who criticizes has a wicked, awful heart. A healthy portion of the critical things that people say are words they wouldn't say if they thought twice.

People, including you and me, often utter careless, thoughtless words that strike others like a slap in the face. Our verbal missiles are not targeted for intentional injury, but loose lips often do damage we don't antic.i.p.ate. On a better day, filled with the Spirit and focused on what's right, we would never choose to say those things. Criticism is often inadvertent. Notice in the text how quickly Aaron said, ”We have acted foolishly” ”We have acted foolishly” (Numbers 12:11). He didn't try to defend his position. He doesn't stick up for what they said with, ”Yes! Moses did marry the wrong person!” And, ”We should have more prominence!” He realized his position, and as soon as he did, notice how quickly he and Miriam retreated. (Numbers 12:11). He didn't try to defend his position. He doesn't stick up for what they said with, ”Yes! Moses did marry the wrong person!” And, ”We should have more prominence!” He realized his position, and as soon as he did, notice how quickly he and Miriam retreated.

His example makes this point: Inadvertent criticism does damage to people we really do care about.

PRINCIPLE SIX: CRITICISM PLUGS THE FLOW OF G.o.d'S BLESSING A sixth principle about criticism can also be found in our pa.s.sage: Criticism plugs the flow of G.o.d's blessing Criticism plugs the flow of G.o.d's blessing. Oswald Chambers made a brilliant observation: ”Whenever you are in a critical temper, it is impossible to enter into communion with G.o.d.” That's a scary thought! Criticism makes us hard and vindictive and cruel. It leaves us with the flattering notion that we are superior persons. It is impossible to develop the characteristics of a saint and at the same time maintain a critical att.i.tude. Criticism harms our relations.h.i.+p with G.o.d and others, and that will block the flow of G.o.d's blessing.

I have observed a pattern over the past five years as a number of people have come to Harvest Bible Chapel from other churches. They have arrived wounded, tired, and sometimes angry. My primary concern has not been about their critical att.i.tude as new members. What I'm concerned about is the critical att.i.tude they might have toward the churches that they left. Perhaps things were said during their departure that caused injuries. If they have brought hurts, frustrations, and unresolved conflicts with them from their past experiences, these may come out in continual criticism that will poison them and their new relations.h.i.+ps. There is a solution: The offense must be addressed. Thus, I regularly challenge new people, in Jesus' name, to write a letter or make a phone call in order to settle past offenses. I would challenge you also: If criticism from past emotional injuries has leaked into your family, you must find a way to apply healing. If your kids know your frustration and have heard your negative att.i.tude toward others, you are injuring them spiritually. Please remember that our children get a lot of their early att.i.tudes from us.

I challenge you to have a righteous, gracious att.i.tude toward the church of Christ and toward the servants of Christ. The momentary relief you may get from criticizing other Christians is not worth the damage you will pa.s.s on to your family. And the critical att.i.tude festering in your heart is not worth the damage you will do to your relations.h.i.+p with G.o.d. To restore G.o.d's blessing, we need to confess and forsake this wilderness att.i.tude, and replace it with a Promised Land att.i.tude. That brings us to the solution . . . but first, some personal words about my response to criticism.

UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL.

It's probably not surprising that I get a significant amount of criticism. It seems to go with the pastoral territory. I know a lot of it is deserved. Some of it is even helpful. But whether deserved or not, negative comments are hard to deal with. My greatest struggle, however, is not to deal with the pain of being criticized but to make sure that I don't catch the disease. Too often I have heard myself speaking words of criticism that, upon further reflection, were rooted in the pain I felt from being harshly treated. This is not an acceptable excuse.

Some of the pain that fuels criticism must be quickly dismissed as not worthy of our attention. In this respect, I value the example of Abraham Lincoln. He received an amazing cascade of harsh criticism during his lifetime. Mr. Lincoln himself once commented: If I tried to read, much less answer, all the criticisms made of me and all the attacks leveled against me, this office would have to be closed for all other business. I do the best I know how-the very best I can-and I mean to keep on doing this down to the very end. If the end brings me out all wrong, ten angels swearing I had been right would make no difference. If the end brings me out all right, then what is said against me now will not amount to anything. If I tried to read, much less answer, all the criticisms made of me and all the attacks leveled against me, this office would have to be closed for all other business. I do the best I know how-the very best I can-and I mean to keep on doing this down to the very end. If the end brings me out all wrong, ten angels swearing I had been right would make no difference. If the end brings me out all right, then what is said against me now will not amount to anything. 2 2 But all of the criticism we receive cannot be dismissed. What remains must be taken to the Lord.

G.o.d wants to help us bear the pain when others sin against us. I had to learn that when the pain of criticism shows up in wrong att.i.tudes to those around me, I have not really taken my burden to the Lord. First Peter 5 speaks of the pain of false accusation and unjust treatment, telling us to cast our cares upon Him, because He cares for us (see verse 7). That's what breaks the chains of criticism from others and keeps a critical spirit from growing in us.

LET'S TALK SOLUTION I trust that you have sensed G.o.d connecting these words about criticism to your life. We need to have a clear idea of what we're asking G.o.d to replace when it comes to our critical att.i.tude. I invite you to seriously consider the following personal questions.

1. Am I a critical person? Is that too general a question? Try this: Am I negative and harsh in my opinions of others? Am I quick to find fault? Am I an a.n.a.lytical person who gets carried away into criticism? I am particularly sensitive to this because that's who I am. I know the frustration of defeat in this area myself. Those who are a.n.a.lytical-who have all kinds of thoughts and ideas constantly coming through their minds-need to respond to this challenge: Am I a critical person? Am I a critical person? Is that too general a question? Try this: Am I negative and harsh in my opinions of others? Am I quick to find fault? Am I an a.n.a.lytical person who gets carried away into criticism? I am particularly sensitive to this because that's who I am. I know the frustration of defeat in this area myself. Those who are a.n.a.lytical-who have all kinds of thoughts and ideas constantly coming through their minds-need to respond to this challenge: Am I a critical person?

2. Am I reaping the consequences in my relations.h.i.+p with G.o.d? As is true of each of these negative att.i.tudes, we may be able to spot the results in our lives more clearly than we can see the causes themselves. A critical spirit creates all the effects we have mentioned in this chapter. So ask yourself: Is my life like a wilderness? Is my heart like a wasteland? Am I reaping the consequences in my relations.h.i.+p with G.o.d? Am I ready to agree that my critical att.i.tude is one reason I'm in the desert? Am I reaping the consequences in my relations.h.i.+p with G.o.d? As is true of each of these negative att.i.tudes, we may be able to spot the results in our lives more clearly than we can see the causes themselves. A critical spirit creates all the effects we have mentioned in this chapter. So ask yourself: Is my life like a wilderness? Is my heart like a wasteland? Am I reaping the consequences in my relations.h.i.+p with G.o.d? Am I ready to agree that my critical att.i.tude is one reason I'm in the desert?

3. Am I willing to repent? Am I willing to turn from the rationalizations that allowed me to form that pattern of thinking? Am I willing to turn from the habit of a critical att.i.tude and repent? If so, I encourage you to review the prayer below, and then make it your own as you ask G.o.d to help you deal with your critical att.i.tude. Am I willing to repent? Am I willing to turn from the rationalizations that allowed me to form that pattern of thinking? Am I willing to turn from the habit of a critical att.i.tude and repent? If so, I encourage you to review the prayer below, and then make it your own as you ask G.o.d to help you deal with your critical att.i.tude.

Look Up Lord, thank You for the priceless privilege to wors.h.i.+p and live alongside my brothers and sisters in Christ. Thank You that each one is known and loved by You and has his and her own story of Your grace and goodness in their lives. Lord, I am like them in that You found me in my sin also. And You have shone the light of Christ into my life. Now I am in the process of growing and becoming more like You. Help e along the way to discern the difference between loving, constructive criticism and the kind of criticism that destroys. Help me to think highly and graciously about others. Help me to pray for others.

Thank You that Your Word has shone into my heart. Thank You for using it to reveal the price that I pay for my critical opinions. Forgive me for thinking so highly of myself. Forgive me for thinking that my perspective is always the right perspective. G.o.d, I recognize the arrogance in that. Give me graciousness, love, and forbearance with others. Thank You, G.o.d, that You have made us all different. Help me to celebrate our differences and not demand that all the world see things exactly as I do. Give me victory over a critical spirit. Make me quick to turn from that pattern of thinking so that I might know Your fullness in my life. I pray this in Jesus' precious name. Amen.

NOTES.

1. Michael P. Green, ed. , 2nd ed. Ill.u.s.trations for Biblical Preaching Ill.u.s.trations for Biblical Preaching (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1989), 87. (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1989), 87.

2. Paul Lee Tan, Encyclopedia of 7,700 Ill.u.s.trations: Signs of the Times Encyclopedia of 7,700 Ill.u.s.trations: Signs of the Times (Rockville, Md.: a.s.surance, 1979), 294. (Rockville, Md.: a.s.surance, 1979), 294.

CHAPTER 6:.

...WITH AN ATt.i.tUDE OF LOVE.

1 CORINTHIANS 13:18a SAY IT IN A SENTENCE: SAY IT IN A SENTENCE:.

The only att.i.tude big enough to replace a critical att.i.tude is an att.i.tude of love.

A business traveler I'll call Chris was waiting in a ”Red Carpet Club”; you know, one of those frequent-flyer-perk places in airports where you can hang out during flight delays. Chris was just chilling on the phone and noticed that just across the aisle was Bill Gates, that guy from Microsoft. Not having enough cla.s.s to just leave him alone, he walked over and asked, ”Are you Bill Gates?”

Bill looked up from behind his newspaper and said, ”Yes.”

”I'm so excited to meet you. I can't believe I'm finally meeting a famous person. This has never happened to me before!” By then, he was babbling. Bill's response was an unspoken smile that said, It's happening now. It's happening now.

So then the irritating guy says, ”This is like such a big deal. I just can't believe that I finally get to meet you. Here's the thing. In a few minutes I've got a really big meeting here with some very important clients. I don't know if I should ask you this or not, but I really want to impress these people. So, is there any way while I'm meeting with them-my name's Chris, by the way-that you could come over and tap me on the shoulder and say, 'Hey, Chris. How's it going?' or something like that? Because they would really be impressed if they thought that I knew you. And I'll just play along or whatever.”

Surprisingly, Bill Gates said, ”OK.”

So, a few minutes later, Chris was in this meeting with the clients he was trying to impress. Sure enough, he felt a tapping on his shoulder. He looked up as Bill Gates said, ”Hey, Chris. How's it going?”

And he said, ”Take a hike, Gates. Can't you see I'm in a meeting?”

A friend sent me that story by E-mail. (You can judge for yourself whether it is true.) When I heard the story, I thought, I know what that feels like. I know what that feels like. I know what it feels like to really try to help somebody or go out of your way for somebody, and all of a sudden they give you that ”fingernails on a chalkboard feeling,” or worse! Most of our difficulties in life are the result of difficult people. And, more often than not, our reaction is negative and becomes the larger issue as it relates to our own att.i.tudes and our desire to st not, but ut of the wilderness. I know what it feels like to really try to help somebody or go out of your way for somebody, and all of a sudden they give you that ”fingernails on a chalkboard feeling,” or worse! Most of our difficulties in life are the result of difficult people. And, more often than not, our reaction is negative and becomes the larger issue as it relates to our own att.i.tudes and our desire to st not, but ut of the wilderness.

We're talking in this chapter about replacing a critical att.i.tude. Sometimes, that's really hard to do because people can be so irritating. Criticism, I think, more than any other wilderness att.i.tude, is the one that can really trap us. When we allow the inevitable frustrations that come from others to make us critical, negative, and faultfinding, then we are headed for the wilderness for sure.

WHAT TO DO.

Here's how to get out. The att.i.tude that replaces a critical one is love. Now if you have some people in your life you're just dying to criticize, you're probably like, ”Beautiful. That's it? I have to love love everybody-even...?Do you know who you're talking about-do you have any idea-you're asking me to love them?” Yes, you can love that person-husband, boss, neighbor, or whoever-and the Bible tells you and me how. everybody-even...?Do you know who you're talking about-do you have any idea-you're asking me to love them?” Yes, you can love that person-husband, boss, neighbor, or whoever-and the Bible tells you and me how.

Open your Bible to 1 Corinthians 13. People call it ”the Love Chapter.” Normally you don't go there except if you're at a wedding or wedding anniversary. First Corinthians 13 is like a flower that loses its beauty if you start dissecting it and pulling all the petals off. I want to make sure we don't do that to 1 Corinthians 13. If you have only heard it in church and never studied it for yourself, then you may have missed the powerful transforming truth that is found there.

The church in Corinth had many powerful traits going for it. The members did have real problems, but 1 Corinthians 1:7 says that they had spiritual gifts; and 11:2 points out that they had good solid doctrine. What was missing, however, was love; and Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, did not hesitate to tell them how much they were really missing.

Let's begin with this thought from 1 Corinthians 13:12: All truth and no love is brutality. All truth and no love is brutality. Speaking only the raw truth and not loving others is a very brutal thing. First Corinthians 13:1 says, Speaking only the raw truth and not loving others is a very brutal thing. First Corinthians 13:1 says, ”If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” ”If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.”

The concept of love in the world is terribly distorted. Those distortions affect the way we hear G.o.d's Word.