Part 12 (2/2)

Around 1881 my health declined. I lost my normal cycle and again had trouble sleeping. I ignored my fatigue and sudden flushes of heat and hoped they would go away. By the time the country celebrated my forty-sixth birthday in November, I was seriously ill. It took me longer to rise and dress, and I had to drink ginseng tea to keep up my strength. Nevertheless, I continued to attend audiences and supervise Guang-hsu's study. I encouraged Tutor Weng to introduce the Emperor to people from outside the capital.

Guang-hsu granted the governors of twenty-three provinces private audiences. The senior governors that had been appointed by my husband, Emperor Hsien Feng, were especially grateful. I attended each audience and was glad to meet with my old friends. We often had to pause to dry our tears.

By the onset of winter I was completely exhausted. My chest was congested and sore, and I had terrible diarrhea. One morning I pa.s.sed out during an audience.

Dressed in her golden court robe, Nuharoo visited me the next morning. It was the first time I saw her hair wrapped on a black board in the shape of a V, rich with jewelry and ornaments. I complimented her and asked if she would conduct the audiences. Nuharoo agreed, then added, ”But don't expect me to be a slave.”

I hadn't had the leisure of waking up to daylight for years. As winter became spring, my energy slowly returned. Spending the day in the suns.h.i.+ne, I worked in my gardens. I thought of Yung Lu and wondered how he was doing in the distant Moslem state. I had written to him but received no response.

Guang-hsu stopped by after audiences and brought me dinner. He had grown taller and was sweet and gentle. He kindly placed a piece of roasted chicken on my plate and asked if I was enjoying the new blooming camellias.

I asked Guang-hsu if he wondered about life outside the Forbidden City, and also if he missed his parents. ”Mother and Father are permitted to visit me at any time,” he replied. ”But they haven't come.”

”Maybe you should invite them.”

He looked at me for a moment and then shook his head. I couldn't tell if he had no desire to meet them or was afraid of offending me. My past comments about my sister must have influenced his att.i.tude. Although I had never intentionally disparaged Rong, I hadn't had good things to say about her either.

I asked Guang-hsu if he remembered the death of his cousin Tung Chih, and how he felt about being chosen to succeed him.

”I don't remember much about Tung Chih,” Guang-hsu said. Regarding the night of his departure from home, he recalled being held in Yung Lu's arms.

”I remember his dark face and the decorative b.u.t.tons on his uniform. The b.u.t.tons were cold against my skin. I felt strange. I remember that it was pitch-dark.” He looked at me intently and added, ”I enjoyed riding with the Bannerman.”

”You are being kind, Guang-hsu,” I said, comforted but still feeling guilty. ”It must have been terrible to be pulled away from your warm bed and a deep sleep. I am sorry to have put you through it.”

”There was a purpose in my chaotic beginning,” the boy said in an old man's tone.

I sighed, again impressed by his sensitivity.

”Good living needs no reasoning, convincing or explaining, while bad requires plenty.” Guang-hsu smiled. ”Three of my brothers died by my mother's hand. I would have been next if you hadn't adopted me.”

He rose and offered me his right arm. We stepped into the garden. He came up to my eyebrows and looked thin in his yellow satin robe. His movements recalled his cousin's.

”I am sure my sister didn't mean harm,” I said.

”Mother is very ill. My father said that he's given up.”

”Prince Kung's wife told Nuharoo that your father has moved out and is living with his fifth concubine. Is it true?”

”I'm afraid so.”

”Will Rong be all right?”

”Mother fell from her bed and broke her hip last month. She blamed the doctors for her pain. I shouldn't have sent Doctor Sun Paotien.”

”Why not? What happened?”

”She hit him.” After a pause, Guang-hsu added, ”She hits everybody who tries to help her. Sometimes I wish she was dead.”

”I am sorry.”

Guang-hsu went quiet and wiped his eyes.

”I wasn't thinking of your welfare when I adopted you,” I confessed. ”The welfare of the dynasty was the only thing on my mind. Tung Chih had a tragic end. I still can't forgive myself. I let him down ... and I am afraid to let you down, Guang-hsu.”

The young man dropped to his knees and kowtowed. ”Mother, I beg you to stop thinking about Tung Chih. I am here, alive, and I love you.”

19.

In April, the news that Nuharoo had collapsed swept through the Forbidden City.

”Her Majesty has been feeling ill since last week,” Nuharoo's chief eunuch reported at court. His skinny neck protruded forward, making him look like an overripe squash hanging from a vine. ”She had no appet.i.te. She went to bed before we had a chance to warm her sheets. The next day she insisted on getting up, but couldn't. I helped her dress and noticed that her clothes were damp with cold sweat. She put her weight on my shoulders while we did her hair and makeup. She made it to the Hall of Spiritual Nurturing in the palanquin, but she fell unconscious before the audience was called.”

”Why didn't you inform Doctor Sun Pao-tien earlier?” I asked.

”Her Majesty wouldn't let me,” the eunuch replied.

”It was four in the afternoon and I gave Her Majesty some medicine to dissipate her ailment,” Sun Pao-tien stepped up and reported.

”What is wrong with her?” I asked.

”We don't know for sure yet,” the doctor said. ”It could be her liver or the grippe.”

”Her Majesty insisted on keeping her condition a secret,” the chief eunuch said. ”After five days she dismissed the doctors. My lady had a seizure last night. She knotted up on the floor. Her eyes rolled back and foam came out of her mouth. Before the doctors arrived Her Majesty lost control of her body. I must complain that Doctor Sun Pao-tien was not helping.”

”The eunuchs kept rolling my patient up and down and around as if she were an acrobat,” the doctor protested.

”It was the only way we could keep her dry!” Nuharoo's eunuch shot back.

”My patient was having a seizure!” The gentle doctor lost his patience.

”We should have gone first to the priest at the temple.” The eunuch battered his head with his fists. ”His prayers are known for making the dying sit up and walk.”

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