Part 14 (1/2)
”Yes, he is. But the neck pinch. What was that all about?”
”Upper thunder point.”
”Acupuncture?”
JJ nodded. ”Shanshangdien. It's used on stroke victims and people who drift in and out of consciousness. I learned about it from this Net sage from Shanghai. You know what we could also try? Some liquid Vitara. The 'v.i.a.g.r.a for her.' I can get it in bulk, cheap, I'm talking drums of the stuff. It should give her a bit of clarity. A bit of friskiness too. Hey! You know what also might be worth a shot? Ricin. You know it?”
”Yes. It's a protein extracted from the castor bean.”
”Shall we try it?”
”No. It's twice as deadly as cobra venom, with no known antidote.”
”Exactly.”
”So the idea is to get rid of my mom's Alzheimer's by killing her?”
”It would would kill her-if she took enough of it. The trick is to give a minuscule amount, a microscopic amount. Just enough to shock her cerebellum, get her brain cells dancing again.” kill her-if she took enough of it. The trick is to give a minuscule amount, a microscopic amount. Just enough to shock her cerebellum, get her brain cells dancing again.”
”I don't think so.”
”We could try puffer fish.”
”Fugu? That's one of Norval's favourites.”
”Shall we get some?”
”No, it has the most lethal skin, intestines, liver and gonads in the world.”
”The j.a.panese are nuts about it.”
”It kills hundreds of them every year. Tetrodotoxin. It's what Haitian sorcerers use to zombify their victims.”
”Here's the kicker. The right amount-a minuscule amount-can kick-start the whole nervous system. It's already being used to treat terminal cancer patients and heroin addicts! And it's being researched- right here in Montreal-for other diseases!”
”Like Alzheimer's?”
”Well, not that I know of. Shall I get some puffer guts at the sus.h.i.+ place on Saint Lawrence?”
Noel shook his head. ”No.”
”Good decision. Speaking of Saint Lawrence, there's a new oxygen bar-have you seen it? Beside the place that does microdermabrasion and laser hair removal? It's got three flavours of O2. Pa.s.sion fruit, grapefruit and ... I can't remember the third. Shall we take your mom there for a fill-up? Pump some good old O2 into the upper storey?” into the upper storey?”
”No.”
”I've got another idea. Distaval. They're coming up with radical new-”
”Distaval? You mean thalidomide? Are you out of your mind?”
”I know that's what Norval thinks.”
”No, I'm sorry ... I didn't mean ... I meant it rhetorically. And Norval doesn't think that either.”
”He said that I wasn't overfurnished in the brain department. That I'm as dumb as a box of rocks.”
No, what he actually said, Noel recalled, was that you have moments of spasmodic illumination, like a bulb that's gone loose in its socket. And that I am to push him down a long flight of highly polished stairs if he ever becomes like you. ”No, JJ, he doesn't ... think that, he just, you know, he's like that with everybody. Take everything he says with a grain of salt. A drum of salt.”
”I overheard him at the party. While I was changing he asked if I was 'crazed'. But you know what? I don't give a beaver's dam.”
”Well, first of all, he was quite drunk, and second-”
”It doesn't matter, I don't mind, it's the brain G.o.d gave me. I've never complained. But I'm not as dumb as he thinks, it's just that sometimes I get overexcited and my brain overheats and everything bundles together and sounds stupid.”
”I know the feeling.”
”You do?”
”Perfectly.”
”I think that Norval judges people only by their brains, their intellectual powers. If there's no logic, no learning, he just ... ridicules. But there are two kinds of intelligence, my mom used to say-that of the brain, and that of the heart. And I think the second kind is the most important. Don't you?”
”Yes.”
”The best people I've met have something Norval doesn't have: intelligence of the heart. Kindness, generosity, tolerance, acceptance of weakness. L'intelligence du coeur L'intelligence du coeur-that's what Mom called it. And that's what you have, Noel. You have both kinds, in fact.”
”Well, thanks, but I'm not sure that-”
”You do, trust me.”
Noel fidgeted, never good at fielding compliments; he hadn't had much practice. ”You do too, JJ. In fact, I was wondering if ... well, if I could use your intelligence, if you'd like to help me out, go into a kind of partners.h.i.+p. I need someone like you-a Web magician, herbal alchemist, inventor.”
JJ's face shone, taking on a shade of peach. ”Really? Anytime, Noel. You can count on me, I'm your man.”
”I'll pay you-”
”You can pay me never. You're my friend, like a blood brother. And you rescued my sc.r.a.pbook and love letters. You're a hero in my book. You risked your life. I'll never forget that.”
”Well, thanks, but I ... I hardly ...”
”You did. Now can we see your lab?”
Noel sighed. He was afraid they'd be up all night if he agreed. ”Tomorrow? Aren't you ... exhausted after a day like this?”
”I only need four hours. I'm usually too excited to sleep. I need less sleep than Edison. Did you know that according to a recent study, those that sleep less than the sacred eight actually live longer?”
”I didn't know that. I guess I'm going to live a long time.”
”Hey Noel, why did the man run around his bed?”
Noel paused. ”Uh, let me see. Because he wanted to catch up on his sleep?”