Part 10 (1/2)
A small sound escaped my throat and J. seized the opportunity to part my lips with a rough stab of his tongue. My mouth was suddenly filled with the taste of him. He swirled his tongue around mine, tasting me deeply, exploring every inch of my mouth. My stomach dropped and the slow fire for him that had been burning since I first lay eyes on him roared to brilliant life. I pressed closer, snaking my hands down to his waist and pulling him into me. I felt the hardness of his desire press into my stomach, telling me more about how beautiful he thought I was than his words ever could.
A pack of teenagers hooted and catcalled as they ran past us up the steps. Reluctantly, I pulled back, pressing my hands against his chest. My engagement ring sparkled in the summer sun, chastising me.
He pulled back, his breath ragged. ”There are people,” I whispered.
The emerald shards in his eyes blazed fiercely. ”I don't actually give a f.u.c.k,” he growled. But he stepped back and gave me a hand, pulling me away from the wall. He sighed and s.h.i.+fted uncomfortably. His grip on my hand was suddenly painfully tight. I squeaked in fear and tried to pull away.
Then the moment past. He chuckled softly. ”Sorry. That wasn't very friendly of me. You don't need that.”
Yes! Yes I do need that! I've never needed anything more! My heart screamed at me to correct him, but when he continued talking it sank slowly.
”I don't need it either.” He looked at me quickly and explained. ”Complications, that is. I'm trying to get on my feet here.”
I nodded slowly. ”Right. Your graduation.”
I saw him startle then recover himself quickly. ”Right. Gotta get on with life and all that.”
I chuckled lightly, willing my heart rate to slow down. ”First maybe we should get on with climbing these stairs.”
He laughed, but there was no mirth. He was still holding my hand, but limply, as if he wanted to let me go but couldn't. We trudged up the steps to the plaza in front of the Museum. All around us tourists jumped up and down in imitation of the famous movie scene, but there was no joy for me in reaching the top. I wanted to be back down at the bottom, pressed between the wall and his body.
Chapter 16.
J.
He had no idea why he was here.
The peace of this morning's ride had been shattered by the knowledge of where it would end up. He was nearly jumping out of his skin the whole time the doctor asked him questions about the custom chopper. The longer he spent in front of Emmy's building, the greater the risk he would stay until he saw her.
And he didn't have to wait long. She had surprised him on the sidewalk, all smiles and sun-kissed hair. The anger that had driven him home in a rage last night dissipated the moment she greeted him. He hadn't noticed how bright her eyes were until that moment.
As hard as he tried to keep the wall up around his heart, she kept doing little things to knock it back down. Her vulnerability, her hesitation, the way she flicked her eyes across his face as if he were a book she wanted to understand. It beguiled him. So much so that he found himself agreeing to being her friend, agreeing to spending the day with her, agreeing to set foot inside a cage when there was no snow on the ground, and agreeing to look at art of all things. Her nearness confused him and inflamed him to distraction.
J. trudged up the steps to the Art Museum Plaza and turned back to look down the Parkway to Center City. He took a deep breath and clenched his fists. So long as she stayed out of reach, he could control his desire and ignore the feeling of her soft body pressed up against his. So long as he didn't catch a whiff of her scent on the breeze, he could forget the taste of her tongue.
The gla.s.s towers reflected the sky and gleamed in the summer sun. Atop the Art Museum hill there was a slight breeze that blew the sweat from his brow. He counted backwards from ten. It was becoming a habit.
”What do you see?” Emmy was at his elbow, enjoying the view, undoing all his efforts to calm himself. Her hair whipped about her face and she tucked it behind her ear, exposing her throat. J. had to look away hurriedly.
”Buildings.” He hadn't meant to mock her, but her nearness made it difficult to speak.
She laughed as if he had made a wonderful joke, completely missing the sarcasm in his answer. ”Not too long ago, there weren't any skysc.r.a.pers in Philly.”
J. nodded, grateful for the distraction. ”Teach told me that. Nothin' could be taller than City Hall or something?”
”Yeah, we learned about it in Intro to Architecture.”
J. was surprised. ”You're an architect?”
All the color drained from her face. ”I'm not really anything anymore.” She looked down at her feet and J. ran his words back in his head, wondering where he had hurt her.
But before he could pinpoint the moment, she turned her back on the city. ”Let's go in. My treat, right?”
”Okay, I guess.”
”I'm dragging you to the Art Museum to keep me company. I can pay.”
”Can I ask you something though?” J. bit his tongue as the traitorous words spilled out. He didn't want to press her. He didn't want to get involved. She was going to marry some rich a.s.shole and live in a penthouse that cost more money than he'd see in his lifetime. He didn't even know what he was doing here. ”Why'd you say you weren't anything?”
She opened her mouth wide in astonishment, then closed it with a pop. ”Sorry, I was just being dramatic.”
”Bulls.h.i.+t.”
She pressed her lips in a tight line as the wind whipped across the plaza. ”You know what I liked about you?”
”Liked?” The past tense stung.
”Yeah, liked. You just let me be. You didn't ask me question after question to confuse me.” There was more rage in her voice than J. could understand. He felt his heart rate rise. His body was ready to fight even as his mind scrambled to keep cool.
”I'm not tryin' to confuse you, Princess,” he spat. ”You asked me to be your friend. Well friends got each other's back. And it seems to me like you got a problem that you need back-up on.”
Her mouth fell open again. Without a word, she spun on her heel and made to run back down the stairs. Everything in him told him to let her go, but his arms wanted her back inside them. In two long steps he had covered the distance between them and clutched her close. Her face was wet with tears and she was shaking hard. J. waited, smoothing her hair back from her face so that it didn't stick to her tears.
She opened and closed her mouth several times before she found the words. ”I don't like saying things. Saying things makes them true.”
”Say what's gotta be said,” J. replied, then ducked his head in embarra.s.sment at hearing Teach's words coming out of his mouth. He was asking Emmy to do what he couldn't do.
”I don't think you could understand what it's like.” She pressed closer to him as she said this, s.h.i.+vering in spite of the heat radiating up off of the stone plaza.
”I may surprise you.”
”I doubt you could.” She pulled back and gazed out over the Parkway, a million miles away. ”Things just...happen to me. As if I'm a reflection in a mirror instead of a real person. And what's worse than that is that I'm okay with this. I don't want to make waves. I don't ever want to fight.” She shuddered. ”I tell myself it's better to make other people happy, even if it means I'm not.” She barked out a wild laugh as her tone rose up higher, verging on hysterical. ”And what's even worse than that? Is I don't even know how to be happy anymore. It's scary to be happy because it forces me to realize I'm usually sad. So I just feel nothing.”
”I don't think you're feeling nothing. Sure doesn't sound like nothing to me.” J. said carefully.
She laughed again, manic. ”No you're right, I feel awful. I feel angry, and hurt, and so f.u.c.king ashamed of what I've let myself become. But what can I do?”
”Decide what you want to do.”
She looked at him, tears streaming down her face. ”He scares me. I'm so f.u.c.king scared, J.”
Red rage flared brightly in J.'s skull. ”Then you get out. Right now.”
She nodded for a moment, then shook her head. ”You can't understand. Look at you. Big tough biker. Nothing scares you.”