Part 17 (1/2)

There was no response from any of them, but they'd do it because I asked. I wanted clarity and more information about what they'd seen, how they felt about Royal being gone, and what they needed from me.

I put Benji to bed and went to my room, switching on the television and lying against the bed sideways. I went through all four hundred channels twice before stopping on a cooking show.

I'd just dozed off when there was a knock on the door. ”Come on in,” I said sleepily.

Macy peeked her head in the door before pus.h.i.+ng it open and walking in and closing it behind her. ”Can I talk to you for a minute, Mom?”

I sat up, patting the mattress for her to sit. ”Of course you can. Come on.”

She climbed on the bed and curled up with her head in my lap. I ran my fingers through her soft hair and waited for her to start.

”Why is he so stupid? Why did he have to do this?”

A lump formed in my throat, choking me as I looked down on her. ”I think he made a bad decision, but I don't think Daddy meant to hurt us.”

She looked up at me. ”I wanted to hit him, and I want to kill that lady, like, seriously, Mom. I wish she was dead. I knew she wanted Daddy. The way she looked at him at Aunt Tara's house made me sick.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. f.u.c.king Lana.

”You shouldn't have had to see that, or deal with any of this. It's not your place, and I am so, so, sorry.”

”I don't think he kissed her back, though, Mom. I mean, I was shocked when she reached up and kissed him, but he didn't move. But, that's just it! He should've socked her or pushed her down!”

I chuckled at her. ”Baby, there's one thing you know about your Daddy, and he would never lay a finger on a woman-no matter how nasty she is. I don't know what's going on in his head, but we'll work very hard to clear it up.

”Why does he even talk to her? I don't get it.”

”He feels like he has this connection with her because they've known each other a long time. He thinks they're friends. I don't know, Macy. I can't answer that because I don't know myself.”

She was quiet for some time while I played with her hair, the way I'd done when she was a little girl. She'd always had a hard time falling asleep-like her father-and it soothed her.

”I know you love Daddy, and I'm sorry he's hurting you. You don't deserve it.”

I gave her a sad smile. ”Why don't you sleep in here with me tonight? We can watch something until we fall asleep.”

She smiled. ”Okay, just no cupcake or baking shows. I hate those,” she said, pointing at the television.

I shrugged. ”There's always Golden Girls,” I teased.

”You know, I secretly love that show. Just don't tell Skylar and Laney,” she said. She wiped her nose on her sleeve and then snuggled closer to me.

I smiled. ”I won't, cross my heart and hope to die.”

I slid her off my lap and crawled under the covers, lifting the quilt so she could get in next to me. ”I kind of like it being just me and you sometimes,” she said, laying her head on my shoulder.

”I do too. We'll do this more often, okay.”

I clicked around on the remote until I found the show and then laid it on the side table and snuggled next to her. It didn't take her long to fall asleep, but I was wide awake. I couldn't get my mind to slow down. My thoughts raced and my heart ached.

I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and ghosted over Royal's number. As much as I wanted to continue wallowing and avoid things, I knew in good conscience that I couldn't. I had to do something-we had to do something. I had to find out what happened to us, about the night with Lana, and where his head was at that very moment. Once everything was out in the open, we could finally move forward.

I punched in a quick text, my fingers shaking as I tapped the screen.

I'm ready to talk. I miss you. Sweet dreams, Love-J I waited a few minutes for a reply, and when it didn't come, I put it back on the nightstand and turned off the TV, falling asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Chapter 12.

”Unf,” I groaned.

I twisted, cracking my back, and groaned again. I woke up to a bed full of kids and a big old dog. Sometime during the night, our sleepover had grown.

I was in serious pain.

I hobbled to the bathroom, hunched over and aching, and started the shower. It had been one of the longest and most painful weekends of my life, and the emotional toll on my body was fierce. My eyes were swollen and red, my back felt like I'd been bent backwards over a fence, and the rest of my body just felt worn out with exhaustion. I wasn't sure how I would manage being on my feet for six hours at work.

On top of everything else, I had to deal with Royal when he arrived for breakfast with the kids. It was bound to be awkward.

My whole life had become this foreign ent.i.ty-a big, giant, belligerent soap opera I couldn't turn off. It was an infection that had diseased my soul. The urge to empty my stomach was almost constant.

I wasn't used to the dramatics and turmoil. Chaos, sure, but never complete upheaval.

The spray of water felt so good, I stood under it and let the spray of hot water melt away the tension for several minutes. Once my joints loosened up, I soaped up, scrubbed, rinsed, and then climbed out and wrapped up in a towel.

After pulling my hair into a twist, I dried off and headed straight for the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. There was no way I'd get through the day without it.

I heard sounds coming from the kitchen when I got to the bottom of the stairs and paused. The distinct sound of the can opener and then the rustling and crinkle of the dog food bag let me know someone was already up feeding Angus.

”Good morning. Did that dumb ol' dog get you up to feed him?” I asked as I entered the room.

”I think I woke him up,” Royal said from beside me.

”Ah!” I screamed, clutching at my towel. ”You scared the c.r.a.p out of me. G.o.d!”

He looked down at the floor, took in my toweled body and gave me a perplexed look.

”I didn't think I'd scare you.” He frowned, and I had never seen him look more miserable.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. ”What are you doing here so early? I didn't even hear you come in.”

He raised his eyebrow. ”Am I supposed to knock now?”

”No, but maybe you should call from now on. Let me know you're on your way so I'm not walking around... you know... naked.”

”Why should it matter?” he bellowed, throwing his hands in the air. ”You're my wife, Jenna! It's a f.u.c.king towel. You don't feel comfortable around me in a towel?”

All the wounds that had started healing the night before tore wide open again. ”I don't know the rules, okay! I don't know what I'm doing.”