Part 12 (1/2)

So, for the length of the trip, I listened to her talk about the guys, what they did, what she thought of them, and when she thought she'd dump them. My poor mother was having a hard time with her stories. She wanted Abbie to settle down, and even though she'd never say it out loud, she thought she was a hussy.

She wasn't, but my mother was old-fas.h.i.+oned.

When she talked about Jason, however, there was a certain pull to her lips, a thoughtful sparkle in her eyes. He scared her-which was good. She needed the challenge. He was a change for her but in a great way. She thought so, too, but she wasn't sure how to make it work. But she was willing to try, and that was a start.

Three hours later, we pulled into the campground, and the whole scene made me smile. Royal and my dad were already setting up camp, and the girls were hard at work, helping put up tents. It was awesome to see my family together, happy and working as a unit. Even Benji, in his own little way, was right in the middle of the action.

While they worked on the tents, I helped my mom get situated in the RV. I was pretty sure our vacations meant more to her and my dad than they did to any of us. They couldn't get enough of the kids, and the kids in turn loved being with their grandparents.

My dad lived for the time he spent with the boys. He adored Royal, the way a man would love a son. It took him years to warm up to Royal, but the day we announced my pregnancy and Royal made it clear he was ready to do whatever it took to make a life for us, he earned my father's respect.

They'd grown very close, and it meant a lot to Royal since he never had a father figure growing up. He hung on my father's every word, learned everything he had to teach, and tried to be the man he promised my father he'd be.

And Benji, well, as much as my dad loved the girls, he couldn't hide his joy when we announced that we were having a boy. Teddy's death had hung over us for so long, and Benji was a huge ray of suns.h.i.+ne. Another chance. He was everything we expected and more. Sweet, stubborn, feisty, and beautiful. He was boy through and through. Even though he was a surprise, he was a true blessing to all of us. There was a soft, special spot in my heart for my little boy, a place that was waiting just for him.

That night after we'd had a nice dinner, we all sat around the campfire and talked. Everyone was too tired for much else after the long drive and getting things around camp done. There was an instant sense of peace and calm once we were all together, laughing and talking and relaxing. Some of the most important memories of my life were made at that lake, and it held a special place in my heart.

At that very campground, I'd lost my virginity to Royal, and the memory was so vivid even after all these years that I felt my face heat just thinking about it. Being there usually revved up the romance and pa.s.sion for us and brought us back to a time when we were so insanely in love. But we were so far removed from those two kids that believed in forever and trust and s.e.x under the stars. We were now worn out, angry, miserable people that didn't even know or like one another most of the time.

The guilt and shame made me sick. As much as I wanted to believe that if we worked hard enough we'd be okay, I had more doubt than hope. I'd resigned myself to living in denial and ignorance. Somehow, I had to find a way to crawl through the tunnel until I saw the light.

I needed the f.u.c.king light like I needed air.

After a little while in front of the fire, there was more yawning than conversation, so I knew it was time to get the kids to bed. Benji especially. I sent the girls off to their tent with the dog. They didn't like to be alone, even though they didn't like to admit it. Angus always stayed in the girl's tent. Always.

I climbed into the tent after Ben and flopped onto the floppy rubber mattress, patting a spot for him.

”Come on, kiddo. Let me clean you up and get your jammies on.”

He pulled his swim trucks off and stood proudly in his Power Ranger underwear. ”Do you have to wash my face with wipes, Mommy? Those are yucky.”

”Sorry, Bubba, but you're all sticky from marshmallows. I don't want sticky in the bed.”

”Daddy had some, too. Make him wash his face, too.”

Royal chuckled and held his hand out for a wet wipe. Benji watched to make sure he actually washed and then turned around for me to get him cleaned up. I put all the dirty wipes in a Ziploc and then slipped Benji's pajamas on. Royal had already climbed onto the mattress and stripped his s.h.i.+rt and shorts off, leaving him in his boxers.

I was the last to get ready, but finally I was in a clean t-s.h.i.+rt and climbing in next to them. I let Benji stay in the middle, not wanting to be near Royal. It was the perfect excuse.

”Daddy,” he whispered loudly.

”What, bud?”

”You didn't give Mama a kiss.”

I clenched my eyes tight and dragged the blanket up around my shoulders. Leave it to my innocent boy to pull the elephant into the room. Or tent, as it was.

”Guess I forgot, bud. Move over, so I can reach her.”

I could hear, and feel, them rustling behind me, and then the weight of Royal was behind me. ”Lift up,” he said softly in my ear.

I did, letting his arm slip underneath me while the other went around my torso and brought me against his chest. His lips were at my ear, his breath heavy and warm.

”Is this okay?”

My stomach knotted. It should've been okay, and for such a simple question to hurt so badly made me sick. Having him hold me while I slept was normal, or at least should've been. Sadly, it wasn't normal anymore. I hated that he felt like home and an intruder at the same time.

I nodded, and his lips were on my ear, soft and uncertain. Once, twice, and then his fingers were rubbing my stomach.

”Night, cookie. Love you.”

The tears were silent, but he knew. His lips apologized, and his hands were comforting. The strong thump of his heart against my back told me he was as confused as me. I could almost hear the unspoken questions as his thoughts filled the tent. He didn't know what to do either.

Benji finally got sick of being alone because not even five minutes later, he was curled up with his tiny, sharp toes digging into my thighs, and his hot fire breath fanned against my neck. I was hot as blazes between the two of them holding me down like a Jenna sandwich, but I didn't dare move. I was exactly where I wanted to be. There was nowhere in the world more comfortable than in their arms.

The next morning, I woke up in a tangle of arms, legs, and smelly boys. I managed to escape and made my way over to the RV so I could pee. I tried to be as quiet as I could so I wouldn't wake my parents, but I had to pee so bad at that point I didn't care.

I wasn't surprised to find my mom already awake and working on breakfast.

”Morning, honey. Did you sleep okay?”

I groaned. ”No. I think I'm getting too old for sleeping on the ground.”

She laughed and nodded. ”Benji should've stayed with us. Daddy pulled the bed out before we went to sleep just in case he changed his mind.”

”I think he just wanted to be with Mom and Dad last night.” I thought about his little comment to Royal, and I knew more than ever that was the truth.

She smiled and turned her attention back on the bacon. ”I'll be back, Ma. I need to use the bathroom.”

I quickly did my thing and then joined her in the kitchen. ”You didn't have to do this. I could've done this on the camp stove. It has that huge skillet.”

She waved me off with her spatula. ”I was up, it's not a biggie. I can only stand to lay there and watch your father snore for so long, baby.”

We giggled, glancing back toward the room where my father was still asleep. ”At least Royal doesn't snore that bad. I don't know how you sleep with that.”

She winked and b.u.mped me with her hip. ”The alternative is worse. Your daddy is a great cuddler.”

I wrinkled my nose. Knowing my mother, she was about to start in about their s.e.x life.

”I still have gunk in my eyes, Mom. Do not talk about you and Daddy in bed. I'll never be old enough, okay.”

”Fair enough,” she huffed. ”So, what are we doing after breakfast? Did you want to go into town early, or do that tomorrow?”

I thought about it as I cracked some eggs in a dish. ”We might as well go today. I'll ask the girls if they want to tag along.”

The door swung open, flooding the cramped s.p.a.ce with light, and Royal walked through the door.

”What are you two hens cackling about?”