Vol 1 Chapter 1 (2/2)

When the head of the PTA had insisted that I don’t bring any s.e.xual knowledge with me, I had laughed it off and said I was never planning to do that, but I had been too naïve. I had never imagined that a Tokioka student would come to me for the information.

I remained silent, so Fuwa-san continued her monotone speech.

“I pursued Blue’s actions. I thought I could solve the mystery of pregnancy if I followed her, but the influence of the Guidance Department was too powerful and Blue has been appearing less frequently. I am having difficulty gathering information. And even when I do gather some, I have no way of confirming its veracity. But then you transferred in from the middle school with the absolute worst public morals record.”

She startled me by moving her face in far too close.

“According to the earlier explanation concerning your parents, you have never triggered your PM. Still, you must have gained some knowledge in such an obscene environment. You know how women get pregnant, don’t you? Now, please tell me how to get pregnant. They say curiosity killed the cat, but as an unimportant scientist, I would like nothing better than to be killed by curiosity if such a thing is possible.”

Her expressionless face moved closer and closer.

“Wh-why are you so obsessed with this?”

As I trembled in fear, she tilted her head which was close enough that our noses were about to touch.

“Why wouldn’t I be? We can have a human being grow inside us. How could anyone be indifferent about such an important phenomenon? Also, pregnancy must hide a secret great enough that the government is willing to invest untold sums of money in the PMs and other programs. What could be more exciting than revealing something like that?”

I looked around the room, hoping to find someone who would stop this crazy girl.

“…”

But even though everyone was staring at me with glittering looks of antic.i.p.ation, none of them did anything to help.

Instead, they seemed to be waiting for me to talk about pregnancy.

What is going on here!? Isn’t this school supposed to be the pinnacle of public morals!?

Why am I being forced to tell my cla.s.s what causes pregnancy!?

And won’t I be expelled if I tell them!? …Ah! Don’t tell me I’m being bullied!

I exercised my right to remain silent and endured the wordless pressure of Fuwa-san’s staring eyes.

Then the cla.s.sroom door flew open. Despite the noisy entrance, the intruder herself cut boldly across the cla.s.sroom without even giving an introduction. She seemed to be heading toward…me?

Unlike when Fuwa-san had stood up, a tense silence enveloped the cla.s.sroom.

The girl gave off a heavy pressure, pushed Fuwa-san out of the way to stand in front of me, and spoke.

“I a.s.sume you’re Ok.u.ma Tanukichi-kun.”

The girl’s braids and gla.s.ses gave her an unfas.h.i.+onable look and her displeased aura forced me to shrink down and reply only with “yes”.

“Nice to meet you. I am Kajou Ayame. I am a second year in Tokioka Academy’s high school and I serve as the student council vice president.”

“Student council…vice president!?”

That’s the position I want to serve Anna-senpai directly!

Why had she come to me out of the blue like this?

“Kajou-senpai, the exit is over there.”

Fuwa-san casually pointed to the window. By the way, the cla.s.sroom was on the third floor.

“How very kind of you. As thanks, I will ask the board of directors to designate your name as a banned word.”

Kajou-senpai made it very clear that she had no business with Fuwa-san and turned her dull eyes back toward me.

“Ok.u.ma Tanukichi-kun, the student council has recommended you for a trial position as director of general affairs on the student council. I will come to take you there afterschool, so be ready.”

“Eh?”

That was all she said in her irritated tone of voice and she left the cla.s.sroom with a sullen look.

“So they beat me to the punch.”

Fuwa-san’s comment seemed to speak for the strange sense of resignation filling the cla.s.sroom.

Our homeroom teacher entered as Kajou-senpai left. I had yet to grasp just what had happened as a perfectly normal homeroom cla.s.s began.

After an orientation going over the schedule for the coming week and a time for introductions, school was out for the day.

It was still too early for lunch, so my cla.s.smates excitedly prepared to head home.

Once the teacher left the cla.s.sroom, Fuwa-san’s emotionless face slithered up from below my desk as if she had been waiting for this moment.

“To continue from before…”

She’s persistent. I’ll give her that!

“I don’t know anything else about pregnancy.”

“No, not that. I was referring to your invitation to the student council.”

“Eh? Oh, that?”

“Please be careful. Depending on how you conduct yourself, you could quickly lose any place for yourself in the academy.”

And yet she had nearly gotten me expelled by asking me about pregnancy.

“Thanks for the warning, but this is all so sudden I have no idea what to make of it.”

My thoughts were a mess after being pressed to explain pregnancy and receiving an invitation from the student council I had longed to join. There was no way I could make sense of an abstract warning like that.

“I would like to explain for you, but look.”

Fuwa-san pointed toward the cla.s.sroom’s front door just as it violently opened and Kajou-senpai walked quickly over with the same displeased look as in the morning.

“Please make it through today alive. We can speak after that. Oh, and can I ask one last thing?”

“What might that be?”

“Personally, I think the peni-…oops, that was close. To put it another way, I think mushrooms are the key to pregnancy, but are they really? A simple yes or no answer would help my research immensely.”

“Sorry, but I have to go.”

I suppose they are the key to opening a certain chamber.

I very nearly said that out loud, so I grabbed my bag and got out of there.

“Let’s get going, Ok.u.ma-kun.”

Other than that comment, Kajou-senpai remained entirely silent as I left the cla.s.sroom.

“Excuse us.”

Kajou-senpai knocked and opened the student council door to reveal a room filled with light.

I of course mean that as a simple description, but…

“Welcome, Ok.u.ma Tanukichi-kun. I have been looking forward to your arrival. I am Anna Nis.h.i.+kinomiya of the second year. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I serve as this academy’s student council president.”

…Ah.

I just about pa.s.sed out. It felt like my body was turning to stone.

That was just how beautiful and adorable Anna-senpai’s smile and bow were.

Seeing her again confirmed just how worthy of the phrase “peerless beauty” she was.

She had the facial features of a fairy and barely looked j.a.panese. Her smooth silver hair looked like high-quality silk. She was five centimeters taller than my one hundred seventy and she struck a nice balance between her slender limbs and her ample bust that were both apparent even below her clothes (and especially apparent to my eyes). She seemed to glow with a light that removed her from reality.

And she had more than her looks.

All she had to do was stand there and her aura was enough to permeate and calm you. Her gentle smile had the power to heal the heart of anyone who saw it. The elegance surrounding her every movement kindly overwhelmed everyone in the vicinity and gently convinced them to do her bidding.

She also maintained the top grades in Tokioka which was known to have the highest scores in the nation and she had conquered many a tournament as a black belt in judo. She had also earned excellent scores in piano compet.i.tions, so her specs went far beyond the norm.

Most importantly, she ruled the student council as the governor of Tokioka’s public morals, so she was the symbol of wholesomeness.

From her parents’ perspective, she had to contain every ideal one would want in a daughter.

I was charmed into a stupor by her.

“I have not been looking forward to it.”

After my ears delighted in Anna-senpai’s lovely voice, a deep voice violated them.

Ready to kill whoever it was, I turned toward the voice and saw a large boy who looked a lot like a gorilla.

“What the h.e.l.l are you doing-…gah!?”

“Speak more politely to your uppercla.s.smen. I am Gouriki Raiki of the third year. I am the treasurer and secretary.”

Gouriki-senpai was the large boy falsely accused on the train and my vision flashed in and out after he swung his solid fist down on my head.

“Gouriki-senpai, don’t be so naughty. Ok.u.ma-kun, please take a seat.”

Anna-senpai puffed out her cheeks and scolded Gouriki-senpai…who I decided to just call Gori-senpai.

I thanked her before sitting in a soft seat. Kajou-senpai had been silently watching it all, but she settled down in the seat behind a plate saying “Vice President” after seeing Anna-senpai sit down.

“Now, I am going to go ahead and give you a brief explanation of what we want.”

Anna-senpai smiled my way and I thought the throbbing of my heart was going to kill me.

“Ok.u.ma-kun, will you join the student council and protect this academy’s public morals with us?”

“I will! I will do everything I can! Please give me this chance!”

“That was fast,” whispered Kajou-senpai with a glare my way.

That was when I came to my senses.

“Um, why me so suddenly? I’m a newcomer from the school with the worst public morals record, so isn’t it too soon to think I can protect the great Tokioka Academy’s morals?”

I felt bad for thinking it, but something smelled fishy.

Anna-senpai’s eyebrows cutely pressed together in a troubled look and she gave a worried sigh.

“That is exactly why we want you. Tokioka Academy has encountered some unprecedented trouble.”

Unprecedented trouble?

“Can I ask you not to repeat anything I am about to tell you?”

When she pressed her index finger against her plump limps and gave me a mischievous smile, I had no choice but to nod.

“Starting a few months ago, this very first city to be designated pure has been experiencing obscene terrorist acts by a mysterious individual going by the name Blue Snowfield. We fear a rapid deterioration in public morals. The Guidance Department has even raised the alert level in response to the situation, but they seem to be having trouble arresting this extremely special terrorist who seems able to speak banned words without detection by her PM.”

…Hm?

I had a feeling I’d seen that individual that very morning.

“But the real problem is that the odds are very high that this terrorist is a student in Tokioka Academy’s high school.”

“Ehh!?”

That pervert’s a student here? You’re kidding.

Anna-senpai must have sensed my doubt because she began explaining.

“Blue Snowfield first appeared in this school. And while the teachers and parents have been doing their best to keep this information from getting out, most of her terrorist activity has occurred within the school. …If she was not someone within the school, she would have a hard time even entering the building. Ok.u.ma-kun, have you already spoken with your cla.s.smates?”

“U-um…yes, I suppose.”

It had been more of an interrogation than a conversation, though.

“Then I a.s.sume you have noticed. I do not understand it myself, but it seems the students have already been contaminated by the acts of obscene terrorism. Some students are even looking forward to Blue Snowfield’s next appearance. To preserve the school’s reputation, we must quickly capture Blue Snowfield and restore the public morals as soon as possible. But…”

A bashful look came over her.

“I am embarra.s.sed to admit it, but those of us on the student council don’t understand what is and isn’t obscene. I even walked past Blue Snowfield as she wore a girl’s lower underwear on her head without realizing it was obscene. …Our countermeasures are always a step behind.”

Eh? Is she an idio-… No, no. That just shows how pure her heart is.

“The teachers can do a better job because they understand the concept of obscenity, but their efforts are inefficient because they are very busy and the mental contamination of the terrorism is targeted at us students. And at the end of last year, the students decided we needed someone who understands obscenity yet is prepared to fight obscenity.”

When I saw Anna-senpai’s meaningful smile, it all finally clicked for me.

Oh, so that’s why I was accepted. That’s the trick behind the miracle of someone from a school with low morals transferring to a school with high morals.

“Ok.u.ma-kun, while you attended a school with such poor public morals, you maintained enough wholesomeness to never once trigger an alert from your PM. You have the record needed to help us arrest the obscene terrorist. And yet if we look into your personal history…”

“You are the son of a terrorist who brought chaos to society.”

Gori-senpai forced his way in to finish Anna-senpai’s sentence.

“It’s clear you have an excessive knowledge of the obscene. Your father filled your head with it, didn’t he? I just can’t trust you. Who knows what you’re secretly plotting.”

“I’m surprised you can you look down on him like that after you announced you’d tail him to reveal who he really is but then pathetically needed him to rescue you,” whispered Kajou-senpai.

“And I reported back how he rescued me!” he angrily replied.

“And that’s what gave the final push to invite him. Just accept it already.”

Kajou-senpai was having none of it and their argument gradually heated up.

That was when I noticed Anna-senpai’s eyes on me.

“…”

She seemed to be asking if I had anything to say, so I opened my mouth.

“It is true I’m the son of the terrorist Ok.u.ma Zenjuurou.”

Kajou-senpai and Gori-senpai stopped arguing and gave me searching looks.

Yes. My father was a famous terrorist.

He had fiercely opposed the establishment of the Public Morality and Wholesome Upbringing Law sixteen years ago and had become a wanted man for committing acts of obscene terrorism all over the place. Even after the requirement to wear one’s PM ten years before had made terrorism much more difficult, he had stood on the front lines of disturbing public morals. The moron had finally been arrested scattering condoms in the National Diet Building.

“I have an abundance of that sort of knowledge due to my father’s influence. When I was young, I said and did all sorts of obscene things so the PM wouldn’t detect it.”

Anna-senpai, Kajou-senpai, and Gori-senpai all watched wide-eyed as I made my honest confession.

“But I have changed. I am not who I used to be.”

I no longer grabbed my t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es in my hands, stretched them apart, placed my p.e.n.i.s on top, and called it a banana on a plate.

Nor was I still childish enough for my friends to give me the nickname “The Nipple Pincher” because of the supposedly lewd way I used my fingertips to open drink bottles.

I had long since gotten over climbing under the covers and squirming around “pretending to be an adult”.

I had redone every part of my life that had led my friends to say “I think this is talking about you” every time we pa.s.sed a sign warning of a suspicious person.

“I changed after I met you in elementary school, Anna-senpai.”

“Eh? Met me?”

She looked shocked. But we hadn’t actually given each other our names, so it wasn’t surprising she didn’t remember.

I smiled bitterly in my heart and continued.

“You were my idol, so I completely reformed myself. I have worked all this time to become even the slightest bit more like you and to become a person I can be proud of. So I will never betray the student council. I will never betray you, Anna-senpai!”

“I see.”

She nodded with a satisfied smile and turned her smile toward Gori-senpai.

“What do you think, Gouriki-senpai? Are you still going to complain that he is not worthy of our trust?”

Her question was a gentle one and he sulkily groaned that he would wait and see for the time being.

She clapped her hands and gave a beaming smile.

“That settles it. I look forward to working with you from now on, Ok.u.ma Tanukichi-kun. Let’s do everything we can to protect the school’s morals and capture Blue Snowfield.”

“O-of course!”

I enthusiastically replied because this felt like a dream come true.

It was only my first day and I already had an important position where I would uphold public morals alongside Anna-senpai.

The fact that they had chosen me for my s.e.xual knowledge was the polar opposite of what I had been hoping for, but this was no time to be picky. I needed to work myself to the bone for Anna-senpai!

“That will be the end of our meeting today. Thank you very much.”

…Huh?

“Um, Anna-senpai? If you don’t mind me asking, our meeting is already over? I a.s.sumed we would get down to work right away, discussing anti-terrorist methods and arranging patrols.”

“Oh, that’s right…”

The way she placed a hand on her chin was so cute.

“After this, I must report that you are now a member of the student council and Gouriki-senpai seems to have karate practice. I was thinking we would wait until a later date to explain what exactly we want you to do, but… Oh, I know!”

She clapped her hands as if she had just had a great idea.

“Ayame-san, you’re free today, aren’t you? To make up for what he missed from being late to the entrance ceremony, could you show Ok.u.ma-kun around the area and explain anything he needs to know? Deepening the interaction between council members is a part of our job, after all.”

“…”

I nervously looked next to me.

The gla.s.ses girl with braided hair had a sullen look.

“Yes, with pleasure,” she agreed, looking anything but pleased.

Wait, wait, wait, wait! This arrangement isn’t going to make anyone happy!

“And with that, the meeting really is over. Please gather here again afterschool tomorrow.”

With that final word, I headed out into the streets with Kajou-senpai.

There was definitely something wrong with this.

It proved to be treacherous journey.

“…”

“…”

From the moment we left the student council room to the moment we entered a restaurant in a back alley by the train station, Kajou-senpai and I did not have a single proper conversation.

I asked a few harmless questions like “Is the student council work tough?” or “What exactly am I supposed to do to maintain order?”, but she only ever gave monosyllabic answers and the conversation was dead on arrival.

To think I would find someone even harder to speak with than Fuwa-san. And on the same day no less.

The restaurant I entered on Kajou-senpai’s silent invitation was a café with a surprising amount of s.p.a.ce for a privately run establishment. We had a lot of choice when it came to selecting a private room. The elderly owner and Kajou-senpai seemed friendly, so after exchanging just a few words, we were given the private room in the very back.

“We have had very few guests today, so feel free to talk about whatever you wish.”

The elderly gentleman left us with wet towels, ice water, and that strange comment.

Um, what am I supposed to do?

An odd sweat soaked my entire body as I feared the previous silence would continue, but Kajou-senpai proved that fear unfounded by opening her mouth.

“That was a nice act, Ok.u.ma-kun!”

“………Eh?”

Time briefly ground to a halt inside my mind. Either that or it felt like being thrown into another world.

Kajou-senpai’s displeased expression transformed into a full-face smile. No hint remained of the uncontained disagreeableness. The only things I could find were a face filled with burning energy and a comfortably clear tone of voice.

This strength felt somehow familiar.

Despite my confusion, she began speaking so fast her previous silence seemed like a lie.

“When you were almost caught by the Guidance Officers this morning, I was disappointed and thought you’d be an unreliable ally, but that speech in the student council room was great! Even Gouriki-senpai had to admit it. Just as I had hoped, you’re a really capable guy with some real b.a.l.l.s! And I bet you’ve got a capable a.s.shole to match! You’re probably easily capable of taking a daikon radish up there! I bet you’re so capable in that regard that your sphincter doesn’t work at all anymore. Ah ha ha ha! Should I buy you some diapers to celebrate getting into the school!?”

“…!? …!?”

Wh-what the h.e.l.l is this!?

First she starts talking and now she’s making terrible dirty jokes and laughing her a.s.s off!?

Is this really Kajou-senpai!? Did someone else take her place on the way here?

But wait. This powerful voice, those burning eyes, and these awful jokes.

“D-don’t tell me…”

I pointed a trembling finger at “Kajou-senpai”.

The burning energy in her eyes seemed to grab ahold of me.

“Oh, right. I was really, really late to introduce myself. Let’s get that taken care of.”

She showed off her white teeth with a cruel smile, removed her gla.s.ses, undid her braids, pulled some panties from somewhere, and placed them on her head.

“I am Kajou Ayame, the obscene terrorist known as Blue Snowfield! Nice to meat you! Let’s work together to give that ridiculous campaign a good s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g!”

“h.e.l.lo, police? There’s a terrorist in-…gh!?”

“Wait, wait! All I did was introduce myself, so what gives, Ok.u.ma-kun? Feeling emotionally unstable?”

I had tried to call the police with my PM, but she hit the cancel b.u.t.ton with superhuman speed. She leaned over the table and grabbed my hands, so I couldn’t move.

“Y-you have to ask?”

Not only did you suddenly confess you’re an obscene terrorist, but you didn’t think I would report you!? And after you saw me swear loyalty to Anna-senpai!?

This is wrong. Something about this is definitely wrong. No, it’s all wrong.

Question marks floated above both our heads and we said nothing, but then the café owner calmly entered our room.

“Are you ready to order?”

That’s hardly my biggest priority right now!

“I’ll have coffee. What’ll you have, Ok.u.ma-kun? How about some roasted green tea to help you calm down?”

Eh? What? I’m the weird one?

“Um, sir.”

“Yes?’

“This girl is apparently a terrorist.”

“I am well aware. Now, what would you like?”

Oh, so I’m the weird one here. Okey-dokey. I read you loud and clear. Unfortunately.

“Um, then I’ll have the roasted green tea.”

“Very good.”

We stayed frozen in place for several minutes after the owner left for the kitchen. Kajou-senpai kept her head tilted curiously and her eyes suddenly opened wide in realization and her face grew visibly pale.

With dry lips, she looked away from me and hesitantly spoke up.

“Don’t tell me you…you actually came to Tokioka Academy because you look up to Anna.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying!”

She slowly released my hands and violently held her head in her own hands.

“Eh? That can’t be. Eh? But when the Ok.u.ma Zenjuurou’s son arrived now of all times, I just a.s.sumed you were here to help me. Plus you gave off an aura of loving dirty jokes. …Eh? Am I in trouble? Did I jump the gun here? But that can’t be… Eh? Am I seriously in trouble?”

She started mumbling to herself and closing herself in a sh.e.l.l.

It decided to make a run for it because I had to inform Anna-senpai.

I sat up and silently opened the private room’s door, but then she grabbed my wrist.

“Gwah!”

I was knocked onto the table and kept from moving at all.

With panties on her head, Kajou-senpai leaned over me as if to press her sweaty body onto me.

“Honestly, now. Calm down, Ok.u.ma-kun. Calm down, calm down, calm down, me.”

She seemed truly disturbed and muttered to herself as if in prayer, but then she fell silent.

The very next moment, she regained the confident look from before.

“H-heh heh. Ha ha ha ha ha! Now that you have discovered my ident.i.ty, I can’t exactly let you leave!”

“You did that to yourself!”

“But you can’t fool my eyes. You’re oozing with the scent of a guy that loves dirty jokes! You’ve got the same aura as me! You changed after meeting Anna!? Haven’t you heard that no one can truly change!?”

I tensed up at that.

“You leave me with no choice. Let’s have a nice long chat about all sorts of lewd things until you’ll admit you love dirty jokes!”

“N-no! Someone help!”

“Your drinks are ready.”

Not what I wanted!

“Heh…heh heh heh heh heh heh heh. Now, it’s time to say goodbye to this wholesome and boring world with no concept of dirty jokes, Ok.u.ma-kun. From here on out, everything’s going to be more exciting!”

My collar was squeezed tight and I pa.s.sed out right there.

“Ah! I have to tell Anna-senpai! The enemy is one of us! …Wait, what?”

When I came to, I was tied up in what looked like a dimly-lit storeroom.

There were a bunch of cardboard boxes, shelves of small objects that must not have fit into the boxes, and a single lightbulb as the sorry excuse for a light source. Looking entirely out of place in the old-fas.h.i.+oned atmosphere of the room, a business printer was sitting in one corner.

In the center of the room, someone was sipping coffee on a stool in front of a round wooden table.

“Kajou…-senpai.”

“So you’ve come to. Are you prepared to become an obscene terrorist with me?”

She looked down on me with her braids and gla.s.ses removed.

“Like h.e.l.l I am! Release me, dammit. I swore to protect the public morals with Anna-senpai!”

I struggled, but my arms were tied to a column and they felt like they were going to break. It didn’t look like I could escape.

“You’re not a female cat in the middle of some baby-making, so calm down. This is that café’s storeroom, you know? You’re going to cause trouble for the place.”

She slipped the erotic ill.u.s.tration from my pocket and held it in front of my face.

“Ghah!”

I did as I was told.

“Here’s your roasted green tea. It’s gone cold, but it should still help calm you down.”

She crouched down next to me and gave me a sip at a time.

Meanwhile, I tried to see if I could operate my bracelet and contact someone, but the bracelet was covered in some kind of padding and I couldn’t start it up properly.

“Now, then. It’s time I invited you again.”

Kajou-senpai sat back in her seat and stared at me with energy to spare on her face.

“Work with me as we establish an obscene terrorist organization named SOX and destroy public morals.”

“Do you really think I’ll give in to your demands!?” I immediately snapped back. “Why would you do something so stupid and filthy!? What’s the point of it all!?”

I was thankful she had saved me back at the station, but it only looked like she was enjoying herself disturbing the public morals by shouting banned words in public and scattering those attractive – no! – those horrid ill.u.s.trations. I knew I would rather die than help the despicable criminal who directly opposed the n.o.ble goals Anne-senpai and I held.

“Sigh. I can’t believe this.”

Kajou-senpai frowned and gave a forced sigh.

“Ok.u.ma Zenjuurou was your father, but I guess he only gave you s.e.xual knowledge. Well, it is like him to not imprint you with his ideology. But he could have at least taught you that obscene terrorism – that is, spreading s.e.xual knowledge – is a necessary evil. And it’s ironic he gave you a name as wonderful as Tanukichi yet raised you to be tamed by the modern world.”

“What does my name have to do with this?”

“Oh, you don’t know?”

She looked surprised, pulled a rectangular object from her pocket, and started pressing b.u.t.tons. I was pretty sure it was a cellphone, a technology that had not been produced for over a decade. I couldn’t figure out why she would be using an antique like that.

“To explain how wonderful your name is, I must first discuss how j.a.pan views t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es.”

“Why!?”

“There are many words for t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es around the world, but j.a.pan is the only place that uses gorgeous words like ‘golden’ or ‘jewels’ to refer to them. The j.a.panese have special feelings about b.a.l.l.s. And the tanuki is a unique j.a.panese creature with enlarged b.a.l.l.s. Nowhere else in the world can you find an obscene character like that! Viewing s.e.xuality with simple humor and tolerance is part of the good, old spiritual culture of j.a.pan and that idea was placed inside your name! You can hold your head high.”

“Like h.e.l.l I will!”

“You’re right. You’re probably better at holding the head in your pants high.”

“You don’t have to shove dirty jokes

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