Part 89 (1/2)

THY flattering picture, Phryne, 's like to thee Only in this, that you both painted be.

MDC.--ANSWERING HER ACCORDING TO HER FOLLY.

A LADY having put to Canning the silly question, ”Why have they made the s.p.a.ces in the iron gate at Spring Gardens so narrow?” he replied, ”O, ma'am, because such _very fat people used to go through_” (a reply concerning which Tom Moore remarked that ”the person who does not relish it can have no perception of real wit”).

MDCI.--THE SUN IN HIS EYE.

LORD PLUNKETT had a son in the Church at the time the t.i.the Corporation Act was pa.s.sed, and warmly supported the measure. Some one observed, ”I wonder how it is that so sensible a man as Plunkett _cannot see_ the imperfections in the t.i.the Corporation Act!”--”Pooh! pooh!” said Norbury, ”the reason's plain enough; he has _the sun (son) in his eye_.”

MDCII.--A BRIGHT REJOINDER.

AN Englishman paying an Irish s...o...b..ack with rudeness, the ”dirty urchin” said, ”My honey, all the _polish_ you have is upon your boots and I gave you that.”

MDCIII.--WELL TURNED.

ON the formation of the Grenville administration, Bushe, who had the reputation of a waverer, apologized one day for his absence from court, on the ground that he was _cabinet-making_. The chancellor maliciously disclosed the excuse on his return. ”O, indeed, my lord, that is an occupation in which my friend would distance me, as I was never a _turner_ or a _joiner_.”

MDCIV.--A QUICK LIE.

A CONCEITED c.o.xcomb, with a very patronizing air, called out to an Irish laborer, ”Here, you bogtrotter, come and tell me the greatest lie you can, and I'll treat you to a jug of whiskey-punch.”--”By my word,” said Pat, ”an' yer honor's a _gintleman_!”

MDCV.--A MERRY THOUGHT.

THEY cannot be complete in aught Who are not humorously p.r.o.ne; A man without a merry thought Can hardly have a funny bone.

MDCVI.--AN IMPUDENT WIT.

HOOK one day walking in the Strand with a friend, had his attention directed to a very pompous gentleman, who strutted along as if the street were his own. Instantly leaving his companion, Hook went up to the stranger and said, ”I beg your pardon sir, but pray may I ask,--_are you anybody in particular_?” Before the astonished magnifico could collect himself so as to reply practically or otherwise to the query, Hook had pa.s.sed on.

MDCVII.--WEARING AWAY.

A SCHOOLMASTER said of himself: ”I am like a _hone_, I sharpen a number of _blades_, but I wear myself in doing it.”

MDCVIII.--A PERTINENT QUESTION.

JUDGE JEFFREYS, of notorious memory (pointing with his cane to a man who was about to be tried), said, ”There is a great rogue at the end of my cane.” The man pointed at, inquired, ”_At which end_, my lord?”

MDCIX.--A BASE JOKE.

A GENTLEMAN one day observed to Henry Erskine, that punning was the _lowest_ of wit. ”It is,” answered Erskine, ”and therefore the _foundation_ of all wit.”