Part 88 (1/2)

MDLx.x.xI.--LAW AND THE SCOTTISH THANE.

DURING the representation of ”Macbeth,” an eminent special pleader graced the boxes of Drury Lane Theatre, to see it performed. When the hero questions the _Witches_, as to what they are doing: they answer, ”a deed without a name.” Our counsellor, whose attention was at that moment directed more to c.o.ke upon Littleton than to Shakespeare, catching, however, the words in the play, repeated, ”A _deed_ without a _name_!

why, 't is _void_.”

MDLx.x.xII.--NOT TO BE BELIEVED.

THE following lines were addressed to a gentleman notoriously addicted to the vice which has been euphemistically described as ”the postponement of the truth for the purposes of the moment”:--

Whoe'er would learn a fact from you, Must take you by contraries; What you deny, _perhaps_ is true; But nothing that you _swear_ is.

MDLx.x.xIII.--A REASON FOR POLYGAMY.

AN Irishman was once brought up before a magistrate, charged with marrying six wives. The magistrate asked him how he could be so hardened a villain? ”Please your wors.h.i.+p,” says Paddy, ”I was just trying to _get a good one_.”

MDLx.x.xIV.--BYRON LIBELLOUS.

THE conversation at Holland House turning on first love, Thomas Moore compared it to a potato, ”because it shoots from the eyes.”--”Or rather,” exclaimed Lord Byron, ”because it becomes less by _pairing_.”

MDLx.x.xV.--A TERRIBLE POSSIBILITY.

AN acquaintance remarked to Dr. Robert South, the celebrated preacher at the court of Charles the Second, ”Ah! doctor, you are such a wit!” The doctor replied, ”Don't make game of people's infirmities: _you_, sir, might have been born a wit!”

MDLx.x.xVI.--ATTIRED TO TIRE.

SIR JOSEPH JEKYLL wrote the following impromptu, on observing a certain sergeant, well known for his prosiness, bustling into the Court of King's Bench, where he was engaged in a case:--

Behold the sergeant full of fire, Long shall his hearers rue it; His purple garments _came from Tyre_, His arguments _go to it_.

MDLx.x.xVII.--A SMALL JOKE.

MR. DALE, who it would appear was a short stout man, had a person in his employment named Matthew, who was permitted that familiarity with his master which was so characteristic of the former generation. One winter day, Mr. Dale came into the counting-house, and complained that he had fallen on the ice. Matthew, who saw that his master was not much hurt, grinned a sarcastic smile. ”I fell all my length,” said Mr. Dale. ”_Nae great length_, sir,” said Matthew. ”Indeed, Matthew, ye need not laugh,”

said Mr. Dale, ”I have hurt the sma' of my back.”--”I wunner whaur _that_ is,” said Matthew.

MDLx.x.xVIII.--A VAIN THREAT.

”MR. BROWN, I owe you a grudge, remember that!”--”I shall not be frightened then, for I never knew you to _pay_ anything that you owe.”

MDLx.x.xIX.--POOR LAW.

”PRAY, my lord,” asked a fas.h.i.+onable lady of Lord Kenyon, ”what do you think my son had better do in order to succeed in the law?”--”Let him spend all his money: marry a rich wife, and spend all hers: and when he has _not got a s.h.i.+lling_ in the world, let him attack the law.” Such was the advice of an old Chief Justice.