Part 86 (2/2)

MDLIII.--SHERIDAN AND BURKE.

AFTER a very violent speech from an opposition member, Mr. Burke started suddenly from his seat, and rushed to the ministerial side of the house, exclaiming with much vehemence, ”I quit the camp! I quit the camp!”--”I hope,” said Mr. Sheridan, ”as the honorable gentleman has quitted the camp as a _deserter_, he will not return as a _spy_.”

MDLIV.--ALWAYS THE BETTER.

A CAMBRIDGE tutor said to his pupil, ”If you go over to Newmarket, beware of betting, for in nine cases out of ten it brings a man to ruin.”--”Sir,” said the youth, ”I must really differ from you; so far from ever being the worse for it, I have invariably been _the better_.”

MDLV.--A PUNGENT PINCH.

WHEN Curran was cross-examining Lundy Foot, the celebrated Irish tobacconist, he put a question at which Lundy hesitated a great deal: ”Lundy,” exclaimed Curran, ”that's a poser,--a deuse of a _pinch_, Lundy!”

MDLVI.--”OFF WITH HIS HEAD.”

AN EMINENT painter, who had suffered, under the common malady of his profession, namely, to paint portraits for persons who neither paid for them nor took them away, sent word to an ugly customer who refused to pay, that he was in treaty for the picture with the landlord of the ”_Saracen's Head_.” It was paid for immediately.

MDLVII.--ON A GREAT TALKER.

TO hear Dash by the hour blunder forth his vile prose, Job himself scarcely patience could keep; He's so dull that each moment we're ready to doze, Yet so noisy we can't go to sleep.

MDLVIII.--DRY HUMOR.

AN Irish post-boy having driven a gentleman a long stage during torrents of rain, was asked if he was not very wet? ”Arrah! I wouldn't care about being _very wet_, if I wasn't so _very dry_, your honor.”

MDLIX.--CHANGE FOR A GUINEA.

THE beautiful Lady Coventry was exhibiting to Selwyn a splendid new dress, covered with large silver spangles, the size of a s.h.i.+lling, and inquired of him whether he admired her taste. ”Why,” he said, ”you will be _change for a guinea_.”

MDLX.--AS BLACK AS HE COULD BE PAINTED.

A LITTLE boy one day came running home, and said, ”O father, I've just seen the blackest man that ever was!”--”How black was he, my son?”--”O, he was as black as black can be! why, father, charcoal would make a _white_ mark on him!”

MDLXI.--A MAN AND A BROTHER.

HARRY WOODWARD, walking with a friend, met a most miserable object, who earnestly solicited their charity. On Woodward giving a few pence, his friend said, ”I believe that fellow is an impostor.”--”He is either the most distressed man, or the best actor, I ever saw in my life,” replied the comedian: ”and, as _either one or the other, he has a brotherly claim upon me_.”

MDLXII.--PULLING UP A POET.

A POET was once walking with T----, in the street, reciting some of his verses. T---- perceiving, at a short distance, a man yawning, pointed him out to the poet, saying, ”Not so loud, _he hears you_.”

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