Part 86 (1/2)

MDXLIII.--RESTING HERSELF.

A LABORER'S daughter, who had been in service from her childhood, would frequently wish to be married, that, as she expressed herself, she might _rest her bones_. Some time afterwards she got married, and her late mistress meeting her, asked her, ”Well, Mary, have you rested your bones yet?”--”Yes, indeed,” replied she, with a sigh, ”I have rested my _jaw-bones_.”

MDXLIV.--A CHARTIST NOT A LEVELLER.

A CHARTIST at a public meeting, in the course of a speech about the ”five points” of the charter, exclaimed, ”Gentlemen, is not one man as good as another?”--”Uv course he is,” shouted an excited Irish chartist, ”and _a great deal betther_.”

MDXLV.--DEATH AND DR. BOLUS.

”MY dart,” cried Death, ”I cannot find, So now I'm quite at sea.”

Quoth Dr. Bolus, ”Never mind,-- There, take this recipe.”

MDXLVI.--AN EVASION.

A WELL-DRESSED fellow walked into a room where they were talking politics, and, stretching himself up to his full height, exclaimed, in a loud voice, ”Where is a radical? Show me a radical, gentlemen, and I'll show you a liar!” In an instant a man exclaimed, ”I am a radical, sir!”--”_You_ are?”--”Yes, sir, I _am_!”--”Well, just you step round the corner with me, and I'll _show you_ a fellow who said I couldn't find a radical in the ward. Ain't _he_ a liar, I should like to know?”

MDXLVII.--GOING FROM THE POINT.

CURRAN, in describing a speech made by Sergeant Hewitt, said: ”My learned friend's speech put me exactly in mind of a familiar utensil in domestic use, commonly called an _extinguisher_. It began at a point, and on it went widening and widening, until at last it fairly put the question out altogether.”

MDXLVIII.--DEFINING A CREED.

A FRIEND of Sydney Smith inquired, ”What is Puseyism!” To which the witty canon replied: ”Puseyism, sir, is inflexion and genuflexion; posture and imposture; bowing to the east, and curtseying to the west.”

MDXLIX.--A BIT OF MOONs.h.i.+NE.

BROUGHAM, speaking of the salary attached to a new judges.h.i.+p, said it was all moons.h.i.+ne. Lyndhurst, in his dry and waggish way, remarked, ”May be so, my Lord Harry; but I have a strong notion that, moons.h.i.+ne though it be, you would like to see the _first quarter_ of it.”

MDL.--EPIGRAM.

WHEN at the head of our most gracious king, Disloyal Collins did his pebble fling,-- ”Why choose,” with tears the injured monarch said, ”So hard a stone to break so soft a head?”

MDLI.--A KIND HINT.

LORD GREY complains that he cannot succeed in pleasing any party. He should follow the example of duellists, and by _going out_ he would certainly give _satisfaction_.

MDLII.--PRIEST'S ORDERS.

AN actor named Priest was playing at one of the princ.i.p.al theatres. Some one remarked to the Garrick Club that there were a great many men in the pit. ”Probably clerks _who have taken Priest's orders_,” said Mr. Poole, one of the best punsters as well as one of the cleverest comic satirists of the day.