Part 80 (2/2)

MCDXLI.--ALL THE SAME.

IN Edinburgh resided a gentleman, who is as huge, though not so witty, as Falstaff. It is his custom when he travels to book two places, and thus secure half the inside to himself. He once sent his servant to book him to Glasgow. The man returned with the following pleasing intelligence: ”I've booked you, sir; there weren't two inside places left, so I booked you _one in_ and _one out_.”

MCDXLII.--THE PRINCIPLE OF GOVERNMENTS.

I SHALL not easily forget the sarcasm of Swift's simile as he told us of the Prince of Orange's harangue to the mob of Portsmouth. ”We are come,”

said he, ”for your good--_for all your goods_.”--”A universal principle,” added Swift, ”of all governments; but, like most other truths, only _told by mistake_.”

MCDXLIII.--DR. WALCOT'S APPLICATION FOR s.h.i.+ELD'S IVORY OPERA Pa.s.s.

s.h.i.+ELD, while the supplicating poor Ask thee for _meat_ with piteous moans; More humble I approach thy door, And beg for nothing but thy _bones_.

MCDXLIV.--COOKING HIS GOOSE.

THE performers rallying Cooke one morning, in the green room, on the awkward cut of a new coat, he apologized, by saying, ”It was his tailor's _fault_.”--”Yes, poor man,” said Munden, ”and his _misfortune_ too!”

MCDXLV.--TAKE WARNING!

A BARRISTER who had retired from practice, said: ”If any man was to claim the _coat_ upon my back, and threaten my refusal with a lawsuit, he should certainly have it; lest, in defending my _coat_, I should, too late, find that I was deprived of my _waistcoat_ also.”

MCDXLVI.--”THE WIDE, WIDE SEA.”

HOOD says that, ”A Quaker loves the ocean for its _broad brim_.”

MCDXLVII.--CONDITIONAL AGREEMENT.

DR. A----, when dangerously ill at an hotel, was applied to by the landlord to pa.s.s his bill. The doctor, observing that all the charges were very high, wrote at the bottom of the account, ”If I die, I _pa.s.s_ this account; if I live, I'll _examine it_.”

MCDXLVIII.--ON A SQUINTING POETESS.

TO no _one_ muse does she her glance confine, But has an eye, at once, to _all the nine_.

MCDXLIX.--A NEAT SUGGESTION.

A WELSH judge, celebrated as a suitor for all sorts of places and his neglect of personal cleanliness, was thus addressed by Mr. Jekyll: ”As you have asked the Ministry for everything else, ask them for a piece of _soap_ and a _nailbrush_.”

MCDL.--SCOTCH ”WUT.”

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