Part 76 (2/2)

MR. MOORE having been long under a prosecution in Doctors' Commons, his proctor called on him one day whilst he was composing the tragedy of _The Gamester_. The proctor having sat down, he read him four acts of the piece, being all he had written; by which the man of law was so affected, that he exclaimed, ”Good! good! can you add to this couple's distress in the last act?”--”O, very easily,” said the poet, ”I intend to _put them into the Ecclesiastical Court_.”

MCCCLXVI.--CONSERVATIVE LOGIC.

”TAXES are equal is a dogma which I'll prove at once,” exclaimed a Tory boor; ”Taxation _hardly presses_ on the rich, And likewise _presses hardly_ on the poor.”

MCCCLXVII.--THE BEST WINE.

SHERIDAN being asked what wine he liked best, replied, ”The wine of _other people_.”

MCCCLXVIII.--A VALUABLE BEAVER.

A GRAND entertainment taking place at Belvoir Castle, on the occasion of the coming of age of the Marquis of Granby, the company were going out to see the fireworks, when Theodore Hook came in great tribulation to the Duke of Rutland, who was standing near Sir Robert Peel, and said: ”Now isn't this provoking? I've lost my hat. What can I do?”--”Why did you part with your hat? I never do,” said his Grace. ”Ay!” rejoined Theodore, ”but you have especial good reasons for sticking to _your Beaver_” (Belvoir).

MCCCLXIX.--SOMETHING TO POCKET.

A DIMINUTIVE lawyer appearing as witness in one of the Courts, was asked by a gigantic counsellor what profession he was of; and having replied that he was an attorney,--”You a lawyer!” said Brief; ”why I could put you in my pocket.”--”Very likely you may,” rejoined the other; ”and if you do, you will have more law in your _pocket_ than ever you had in your _head_.”

MCCCLXX.--UP AND DOWN.

AT the Irish bar, Moran Mahaffy, Esq., was as much above the middle size as Mr. Collis was below it. When Lord Redesdale was Lord Chancellor of Ireland, Messrs. Mahaffy and Collis happened to be retained in the same case a short time after his lords.h.i.+p's elevation, and before he was acquainted personally with the Irish bar. Mr. Collis was opening the motion, when Lord R. observed, ”Mr. Collis, when a barrister addresses the court, he must stand.”--”I am standing on the bench, my lord,” said Collis. ”I beg a thousand pardons,” replied his lords.h.i.+p, somewhat confused; ”sit down, Mr. Mahaffy.”--”I _am sitting_, my lord,” was the reply to the confounded Chancellor.

MCCCLXXI.--A POOR SUBSt.i.tUTE.

THE Rev. Mr. Johnston was one of those rough but quaint preachers of the former generation who were fond of visiting and good living. While seated at the table of a good lady in a neighboring parish, she asked him if he took milk in his tea. ”Yes, ma'am _when I can't get cream_,”

was the ready reply.

MCCCLXXII.--OUT OF SPIRITS.

”IS my wife out of spirits?” said John with a sigh, As her voice of a tempest gave warning.

”Quite out, sir, indeed,” said her maid in reply, ”For she _finished_ the bottle this morning.”

MCCCLXXIII.--GOOD AT THE HALT.

PETER MACNALLY, an Irish attorney, was very lame, and, when walking, had an unfortunate limp, which he could not bear to be told of. At the time of the Rebellion he was seized with a military ardor, and when the different volunteer corps were forming in Dublin, that of the lawyers was organized. Meeting with Curran, Macnally said, ”My dear friend, these are not times for a man to be idle; I am determined to enter the lawyers' corps, and follow the camp.”--”You follow the camp, my little limb of the law!” said the wit; ”tut, tut, renounce the idea; you never can be a disciplinarian.”--”And why not, Mr. Curran?” said Macnally.

”For this reason,” said Curran; ”the moment you were ordered to march, you would _halt_!”

MCCCLXXIV.--AN EASY WAY.

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