Part 77 (1/2)

A PERSON deeply in debt, was walking through the streets in a melancholy way, when a friend asked him the cause of his sadness. ”I owe money and cannot pay it,” said the man, in a tone of extreme dejection. ”Can't you leave all the _uneasiness_ to your creditors?” replied the other. ”Is it not enough that one should be sorry for what _neither of you can help_?”

MCCCLXXV.--ERUDITE.

A LADY had a favorite lapdog, which she called _Perchance_. ”A singular name,” said somebody, ”for a beautiful pet, madam. Where did you find it?”--”O,” drawled she, ”it was named from Byron's dog. You remember where he says, '_Perchance_ my dog will howl.'”

MCCCLXXVI.--VERY EASY.

ON the approach of Holy Week, a great lady said to her friend, ”We must, however, mortify ourselves _a little_.”--”Well,” replied the other, ”let us make our _servants fast_.”

MCCCLXXVII.--A WINNER AT CARDS.

A GENTLEMAN riding one day near Richmond, observed a house delightfully situated, and asking his companion to whom it belonged, was answered, ”To a _card-maker_.”--”Upon my life,” he replied, ”one would imagine all that man's _cards_ must have been _trumps_.”

MCCCLXXVIII.--EPIGRAM.

THE charity of Closefist give to fame, He has at last _subscribed_--how much?--_his name_.

MCCCLXXIX.--AN INCONVENIENT BREAK DOWN.

THE play of ”King Lear” being performed at Reading, the representative of _Glo'ster_ was, on one occasion, taken ill, and another actor was found to take the part at a short notice. He got on famously as far as the scene where _Glo'ster had his eyes put out_, when he came to a stand still, and was obliged to beg permission to _read_ the rest of the part.

MCCCLx.x.x.--SMALL TALK.

FUSELI had a great dislike to common-place observations. After sitting perfectly quiet for a long time in his own room, during the ”bald disjointed chat” of some idle visitors, who were gabbling with one another about the weather, and other topics of as interesting a nature, he suddenly exclaimed, ”_We had pork for dinner to-day_.”--”Dear me! Mr.

Fuseli, what an odd remark.”--”Why, it is _as good_ as anything you have been saying for _the last hour_.”

MCCCLx.x.xI.--RATHER FEROCIOUS.

AS Burke was declaiming with great animation against Hastings, he was interrupted by little Major Scott. ”Am I,” said he, indignantly, ”to be teased by the barking of this _jackal_ while I am attacking the royal _tiger_ of Bengal?”

MCCCLx.x.xII.--ONLY FOR LIFE.

A SPANISH Archbishop having a dispute with an opulent duke, who said with scorn, ”What are you? your t.i.tle and revenues are only for your life,” answered by asking, ”And for how _many lives_ does your Grace hold yours?”

MCCCLx.x.xIII.--AN OUTLINE.

WHEN the Duke de Choiseul, who was a remarkably meagre-looking man, came to London to negotiate a peace, Charles Townshend, being asked whether the French government had sent the preliminaries of a treaty, answered, he did not know, but they had sent ”the _outline of an amba.s.sador_.”

MCCCLx.x.xIV.--ON SIR WALTER SCOTT'S POEM OF WATERLOO.