Part 48 (2/2)
SOME one who had been down in Lord Kenyon's kitchen, remarked that he saw the spit s.h.i.+ning as bright as if it had never been used. ”Why do you mention his spit?” said Jekyll; ”you must know that nothing _turns upon that_.” In reference to the same n.o.ble lord, Jekyll observed, ”It was Lent all the year round in the kitchen, and _Pa.s.sion_ week in the parlor.”
DCCCLIX.--MONEY'S WORTH.
A SOLDIER, having retired from service, thought to raise a few pounds by writing his adventures. Having completed the ma.n.u.script, he offered it to a bookseller for forty pounds. It was a very small volume, and the bookseller was much surprised at his demand. ”My good sir,” replied the author, ”as a soldier I have always resolved to _sell my life as dearly as possible_.”
DCCCLX.--HIS WAY--OUT.
SIR RICHARD JEBB, the famous physician, who was very rough and harsh in his manner, once observed to a patient to whom he had been extremely rude, ”Sir, _it is my way_.”--”Then,” returned his indignant patient, pointing to the door, ”I beg you will _make that your way_!”
DCCCLXI.--A GROWL.
HE that's married once may be Pardoned his infirmity.
He that marries twice is mad: But, if you can find a fool Marrying thrice, don't spare the lad,-- Flog him, flog him back to school.
DCCCLXII.--A MODERN SCULPTOR.
BROWN and Smith were met by an overdressed individual, ”Do you know that chap, Smith?” said Brown. ”Yes, I know him; that is, I know of him,--he's a sculptor.”--”Such a fellow as that a _sculptor_! surely you must be mistaken.”--”He may not be the kind of one you mean, but I know that he _chiselled_ a tailor--out of a suit of clothes last week.”
DCCCLXIII.--A DIFFICULT TASK.
”YOU have only yourself to please,” said a married friend to an old bachelor. ”True,” replied he, ”but you cannot tell what a _difficult_ task I find it.”
DCCCLXIV.--THE GOUTY SHOE.
JAMES SMITH used to tell, with great glee, a story showing the general conviction of his dislike to ruralities. He was sitting in the library at a country-house, when a gentleman proposed a quiet stroll in the pleasure-grounds:--
”Stroll! why, don't you see my gouty shoe?”
”Yes, I see that plain enough, and I wish I'd brought one too; but they are all out now.”
”Well, and what then?”
”What then? why, my dear fellow, you don't mean to say that you have really got the gout? I thought you had only put on that shoe to get off being shown over the improvements.”
DCCCLXV.--A LUSUS NATURae.
AN agricultural society offered premiums to farmers' daughters, ”girls under twenty-one years of age,” who should exhibit the best lots of b.u.t.ter, not less than 10 lbs. ”That is all right,” said an old maid, ”save the insinuation that some girls are _over_ twenty-one years of age.”
DCCCLXVI.--A CASE OF NECESSITY.
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