Part 46 (1/2)

DCCCXII.--MAC READY TO CALL.

IN the time of Sir John Macpherson's Indian government, most of his staff consisted of Scotch gentlemen, whose names began with Mac. One of the aides-de-camp used to call the government-house _Almack's_, ”For,”

said he, ”if you stand in the middle of the court, and call _Mac_, you will have a head popped out of every window.”

DCCCXIII.--EPIGRAM.

(On the oiled and perfumed ringlets of a certain Lord.)

OF miracles this is _sans doute_ the most rare, I ever perceived, heard reported, or read; A man with abundance of _scents_ in his _hair_, Without the least atom of _sense_ in his _head_.

DCCCXIV.--LOOK-A-HEAD.

A TORY member declared the extent of the Reform Bill positively made the hair of members on his side the house to stand on end. On the ensuing elections, they will find the Bill to have a still greater effect on the _state of the poll_.

G. A'B.

DCCCXV.--THE BIRTH OF A PRINCE.

JERROLD was at a party when the Park guns announced the birth of a prince. ”How they do powder these babies!” Jerrold exclaimed.

DCCCXVI.--SETTING HIM UP TO KNOCK HIM DOWN.

TOM MOORE, observing himself to be eyed by two handsome young ladies, inquired of a friend, who was near enough to hear their remarks, what it was they said of him. ”Why, the taller one observed that she was delighted to have had the pleasure of seeing so famous a personage.”--”Indeed!” said the gratified poet, ”anything more?”--”Yes: she said she was the more pleased because she had taken in _your_ celebrated '_Almanac_' for the last five or six years!”

DCCCXVII.--BRIEF CORRESPONDENCE.

MRS. FOOTE, mother of Aristophanes, experienced the caprice of fortune nearly as much as her son. The following laconic letters pa.s.sed between them: ”Dear Sam, I am in prison.”--Answer: ”Dear mother, so am I.”

DCCCXVIII.--MAN-TRAPS.

IT being unlawful to set man-traps and spring-guns, a gentleman once hit upon a happy device. He was a scholar, and being often asked the meaning of mysterious words compounded from the Greek, that appear in every day's newspaper, and finding they always excited wonder by their length and sound, he had painted on a board, and put up on his premises, in very large letters, the following: ”_Tondapamubomenos set up in these grounds_.” It was perfectly a ”patent safety.”

DCCCXIX.--A COLORABLE EXCUSE.

A LADY who painted her face, asked Parsons how he thought she looked. ”I can't tell, madam,” he replied, ”except you _uncover_ your face.”

DCCCXX.--CONSISTENCY.

NO wonder Tory landlords flout ”Fixed Duty,” for 'tis plain With them the Anti-Corn-Law Bill Must go against the grain.

DCCCXXI.--A WONDERFUL CURE.