Part 44 (2/2)
DCCLx.x.xVI.--LORD CLONMEL.
THE late Lord Clonmel, who never thought of demanding more than a s.h.i.+lling for an affidavit, used to be well satisfied, provided it was a _good one_. In his time the Birmingham s.h.i.+llings were current, and he used the following extraordinary precautions to avoid being imposed upon by taking a bad one: ”You shall true answer make to such questions as shall be demanded of you touching this affidavit, so help you, &c. _Is this a good s.h.i.+lling?_ Are the contents of this affidavit true? Is this your name and handwriting?”
DCCLx.x.xVII.--QUEER PARTNERS.
JERROLD, at a party, noticed a doctor in solemn black waltzing with a young lady who was dressed in a silk of brilliant blue. ”As I live!
there's a blue pill dancing with a black draught!” said Jerrold.
DCCLx.x.xVIII.--CORRUPTLY INCORRUPTIBLE.
CHARLES THE SECOND once said to Sidney, ”Look me out a man that can't be corrupted: I have sent three treasurers to the North, and they have all turned thieves.”--”Well, sire, I will recommend Mivert.”--”Mivert!”
exclaimed the king, ”why, Mivert is a thief already.”--”Therefore _he cannot be corrupted_, your majesty,” answered Sidney.
DCCLx.x.xIX.--EPIGRAM ON THE MARRIAGE OF A VERY THIN COUPLE.
ST. PAUL has declared that, when persons, though twain, Are in wedlock united, one flesh they remain.
But had he been by, when, like Pharaoh's kine pairing, Dr. Douglas, of Benet, espoused Miss Mainwaring, St. Peter, no doubt, would have altered his tone, And have said, ”These two splinters shall now make one bone.”
DCCXC.--GOOD AUTHORITY.
HORNE TOOKE, during his contest for Westminster, was thus addressed by a partisan of his opponent, of not a very reputable character. ”Well, Mr.
Tooke, you will have all the _blackguards_ with you to-day.”--”I am delighted to hear it, sir, and from such _good_ authority.”
DCCXCI.--LUXURIOUS SMOKING.
”THE most luxurious smoker I ever knew,” says Mr. Paget, ”was a young Transylvanian, who told me that his servant always inserted a lighted pipe into his mouth the first thing in the morning, and that he smoked it out before he awoke. 'It is so pleasant,' he observed, 'to have the proper _taste_ restored to one's mouth before one is sensible even of its wants.'”
DCCXCII.--NO JUDGE.
A CERTAIN Judge having somewhat hastily delivered judgment in a particular case, a King's Counsel observed, in a tone loud enough to reach the bench, ”Good heavens! every judgment of this court is a mere _toss-up_.” ”But _heads_ seldom win,” observed a learned barrister, sitting behind him.
DCCXCIII.--RELATIONS OF MANKIND.
BY what curious links, and fantastical relations, are mankind connected together! At the distance of half the globe, a Hindoo gains his support by groping at the bottom of the sea for the morbid concretion of a sh.e.l.l-fish, to decorate the throat of a London alderman's wife.--S.S.
DCCXCIV.--VERY TRUE.
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