Part 40 (1/2)

DCCV.--NOT TRUE.

A LADY was asked by her friends if she really intended to marry Mr.

----, who was a good kind of a man, but so very singular. ”Well,”

replied the lady, ”if he is very much _unlike_ other men, he is more likely to make a good husband.”

DCCVI.--BETTING.

THE folly of _betting_ is well satirized in one of Walpole's Letters: ”Sept. 1st, 1750,--They have put in the papers a good story made at White's. A man dropped down dead at the door, and was carried in; the club immediately made bets whether he was dead or not, and when they were going to bleed him the wagerers for his death interposed, and said it would affect the fairness of the bet.”

DCCVII.--FIRE AND WATER.

PADDY being asked if he thought of doing something, which, for his own part, he deemed very unlikely, he said he should ”as soon think of attempting to light a cigar at _a pump_.”

DCCVIII.--THE RAILROAD ENGINEER.

THOUGH a railroad, learned Rector, Pa.s.ses near your parish spire; Think not, sir, your Sunday lecture E'er will overwhelmed expire.

Put not then your hopes in weepers, Solid work my road secures; Preach whate'er you will--_my_ sleepers Never will awaken _yours_.

These lines will be read with a deep interest, as being literally the _last ever written_ by their highly-gifted and deeply-lamented author,--James Smith.

DCCIX.--THE SPECIFIC GRAVITY OF FOLLY.

COLERIDGE once dined in company with a grave-looking person, an admirable listener, who said nothing, but smiled and nodded, and thus impressed the poet with an idea of his intelligence. ”That man is a philosopher,” thought Coleridge. At length, towards the end of the dinner, some apple-dumplings were placed on the table, and the listener no sooner saw them than, almost jumping from his chair, he exclaimed, ”_Them's the jockeys for me_!”

DCCX.--EQUALITY.

A HIGHWAYMAN and a chimney-sweeper were condemned to be hanged the same time at Tyburn,--the first for an exploit on the highway, the latter for a more ign.o.ble robbery. ”Keep farther off, can't you?” said the highwayman, with some disdain. ”Sir,” replied the sweep, ”I _won't_ keep off; I have as much _right_ to be here as you!”

DCCXI.--A CANDID COUNSEL.

AN Irish counsel being asked by the judge for whom was he concerned, replied, ”I am _concerned_ for the plaintiff, but I'm _retained_ by the defendant.”

DCCXII.--TRADE AGAINST LAND.

WHEN the late Mr. Whitbread's father, the brewer, first opposed the Duke of Bedford's interest at Bedford, the Duke informed him that he would spend 50,000 rather than he should _come in_. Whitbread, with true English spirit, replied, that was nothing; the sale of his grains would pay for that.

DCCXIII.--TRUE EVIDENCE.

A JEW called on to justify bail in the Court of Common Pleas, the opposing counsel thus examined him: ”What is your name?”--”Jacob.”--”What are you?”--”General dealer.”--”Do you keep a shop?”--”No.”--”How then do you dispose of your goods?”--”To the _best advantage_, my good fellow.”

DCCXIV.--DR. YOUNG.