Part 32 (1/2)

COUNSELLOR LAMB, an old man when Lord Erskine was in the height of his reputation, was of timid and nervous disposition, usually prefacing his pleadings with an apology to that effect; and on one occasion, when opposed, in some cause, to Erskine, he happened to remark that ”he felt himself growing more and more timid as he grew older.”--”No wonder,”

replied the relentless barrister; ”every one knows the older a _lamb_ grows, the more _sheepish_ he becomes.”

DLXX.--TRUE WIT.

TRUE wit is like the brilliant stone Dug from Golconda's mine; Which boasts two various powers in one, To cut as well as s.h.i.+ne.

Genius, like that, if polished right, With the same gifts abounds; Appears at once both keen and bright, And sparkles while it wounds.

DLXXI.--ORDER! ORDER!

A BARRISTER opened a case somewhat confusedly. Mr. Justice Maule interrupted him. ”I wish, Mr. ----, you would put your facts in some order; chronological order is the best, but I am not particular. Any order you like--_alphabetical_ order.”

DLXXII.--THEATRICAL WIT.

HATTON, who was a considerable favorite at the Haymarket Theatre, and particularly in the part of _Jack Junk_, was one night at Gosport, performing the character of _Barbarossa_. In the scene where the tyrant makes love to _Zapphira_, and reminds her of his services against the enemies of her kingdom, he was at a loss, and could not catch the word from the prompter, when, seeing the house crowded with sailors, and regardless of the gross anachronism, he exclaimed, with all the energy of tragedy--

”Did not I, By that brave knight Sir Sidney Smith a.s.sisted, And in conjunction with the gallant Nelson, Drive Bonaparte and his fierce marauders From Egypt's sh.o.r.es?”

The jolly tars thought that it was all in his part, and cheered the actor with three rounds of applause.

DLXXIII.--THE CUT DIRECT.

A GENTLEMAN having his hair cut, was asked by the garrulous operator ”how he would have it done?”--”If possible,” replied the gentleman, ”_in silence_.”

DLXXIV.--BUSY BODIES.

A MASTER of a s.h.i.+p called out, ”Who is below?” A boy answered, ”Will, sir.”--”What are you doing?”--”Nothing, sir.”--”Is Tom there?”--”Yes,”

said Tom. ”What are _you_ doing?”--”Helping Will, sir.”

DLXXV.--THE HOPEFUL PUPIL.

WHEN the comedy of ”She Stoops to Conquer” was in rehearsal, Goldsmith took great pains to give the performers his ideas of their several parts. On the first representation he was not a little displeased to hear the representative of _Young Marlow_ play it as an Irishman. As soon as _Marlow_ came off the stage, Goldsmith asked him the meaning of this, as it was by no means intended as an Irish character. ”Sir,”

replied the comedian, ”I spoke it as nearly as I could to the manner in which you instructed me, except that I did not give it quite so strong a _brogue_.”

DLXXVI.--THE FORCE OF HABIT.

A TOPING bookseller presented a check at the banking-house of Sir W.

Curtis and Co., and upon the cas.h.i.+er putting the usual question, ”How will you have it?” replied, ”_Cold, without sugar_.”

DLXXVII.--NOTICE TO QUIT.

AN Ayrs.h.i.+re gentleman, when out on the 1st of September, having failed time after time in bringing down a single bird, had at last pointed out to him by his attendant bag-carrier, a large covey, thick and close on the stubbles. ”Noo! Mr. Jeems, let drive at them, just as they are!”