Part 30 (2/2)
DXLVI.--KEEPING A PROMISE.
THUS, with kind words, Fairface cajoled his friend: ”Dear d.i.c.k! on me thou may'st a.s.sured depend; I know thy fortune is but very scant, But never will I see my friend in want.”
d.i.c.k soon in gaol, believed his friend would free him; He kept his word,--in want he ne'er would see him!
DXLVII.--NAVAL ORATORY.
WHEN Admiral Cornwallis commanded the Canada, a mutiny broke out in the s.h.i.+p, on account of some accidental delay in paying the crew. The men signed _a round robin_, wherein they declared that they would not fire a gun till they were paid. Captain Cornwallis, on receiving this declaration, caused all hands to be called on deck, and thus addressed them: ”My lads, the money cannot be paid till we return to port, and as to your not fighting, that is mere nonsense:--I'll clap you alongside the first large s.h.i.+p of the enemy I see, and I know that the Devil himself will not be able to _keep you from it_.” The men all returned to their duty, better satisfied than if they had been paid the money ten times over.
DXLVIII.--VERSE AND WORSE.
AMONG a company of cheerful Irishmen, in the neighborhood of St. Giles, it was proposed by the host to make a gift of a couple of fowls to him that, off-hand, should write six lines in poetry of his own composing.
Several of the merry crew attempted unsuccessfully to gain the prize. At length the _wittiest_ among them thus ended the contest:--
”Good friends, as I'm to make a po'm, Excuse me, if I just step home; Two lines already!--be not cru'l, Consider, honeys,--I'm a fool.
There's four lines!--now I'll gain the fowls, With which I soon shall fill my bow'ls.”
DXLIX.--THE IRON DUKE.
IT is said the Duke of Wellington bought a book of the ”Hunchback” at Covent Garden Theatre, for which he gave a pound in gold, refusing to receive the difference. His Grace seemed very ready to sacrifice a _sovereign_, which he probably would have done had he at the time refused to take _no change_. The Reform Bill was under consideration.
DL.--CLEAR THE COURT.
AN Irish crier at Ballinasloe being ordered to clear the court, did so by this announcement: ”Now, then, all ye _blackguards_ that isn't _lawyers_, must lave the coort.”
DLI--SCOTCH CAUTION.
AN old shoemaker in Glasgow was sitting by the bedside of his wife, who was dying. She took him by the hand. ”Weel, John, we're gawin to part. I hae been a gude wife to you, John.”--”O, just middling, just middling, Jenny,” said John, not disposed to commit himself. ”John,” says she, ”ye maun promise to bury me in the auld kirk-yard at Stra'von beside my mither. I couldna rest in peace among unco folk, in the dirt and smoke o' Glasgow.”--”Weel, weel, Jenny, my woman,” said John soothingly, ”we'll just pit you in the Gorbals _first_, and gin ye dinna lie quiet, we'll try you sine in Stra'von.”
DLII.--WALPOLIANA.
SIR CHARLES WAGER always said, ”that if a sea-fight lasted three days, he was sure the English suffered the most for the two first, for no other nation would stand _beating_ for two days together.”
Yesterday we had another hearing of the pet.i.tion of the merchants, when Sir Robert G.o.dschall (then Lord Mayor) shone brighter than even his usual. There was a copy of a letter produced, the original being lost; he asked whether the copy had been taken _before_ the original was lost, or _after_!
This gold-chain came into parliament, cried up for his parts, but proves so dull, one would think he chewed opium. Earl says, ”I have heard an _oyster_ speak as well twenty times.”
DLIII.--NOT POLITE.
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