Part 30 (1/2)

Dx.x.xVI.--THE TANNER; AN EPIGRAM.

A BERMONDSEY tanner would often engage, In a long _tete-a-tete_ with his dame, While trotting to town in the Kennington stage, About giving their villa a name.

A neighbor, thus hearing the skin-dresser talk, Stole out, half an hour after dark, Picked up in the roadway a fragment of chalk, And wrote on the palings,--”_Hide_ Park!”

Dx.x.xVII.--AN ABSENT MAN.

A CONCEITED young man asked Foote what apology he should make for not being one of a party the day before, to which he had been invited. ”O, my dear sir,” replied the wit, ”say nothing about it, you were not _missed_.”

Dx.x.xVIII.--A DOUBLE KNOCK.

ON Dr. K----'s promotion to the bishopric of Down, an appointment in some quarters unpopular, Archbishop Whately observed, ”The Irish government will not be able to stand many more such _Knocks Down_ as this!”

Dx.x.xIX.--A PROPER RETORT.

A CERTAIN dramatic translator, introducing a well-known comedian to Madame Vestris, said: ”Madame, this is Mr. B----, who is not such a fool as he looks.”--”True, madame,” said the comedian; ”and that is the great _difference_ between me and my friend.”

DXL.--FORAGING.

DURING the interregnum after the death of King Charles I., the soldiers were accustomed to visit the theatres and rob the audience, so that it was said to be part of the stage directions,--”_Enter_ the Red Coat: _Exeunt_ Hat and Cloak.”

DXLI.--ON JEKYLL NEARLY BEING THROWN DOWN BY A VERY SMALL PIG.

AS Jekyll walked out in his gown and his wig, He happened to tread on a very small pig: ”Pig of science,” he said, ”or else I'm mistaken, For surely thou art an _abridgment of Bacon_.”

DXLII.--UNKIND.

”PRAY, sir,” said Lady Wallace to David Hume, ”I am often asked what age I am; what answer should I make?” Mr. Hume, immediately guessing her ladys.h.i.+p's meaning, said, ”Madam, when you are asked that question again, answer that you are not yet come to the years of _discretion_.”

DXLIII.--DEAN SWIFT AND KING WILLIAM.

THE motto which was inserted under the arms of William, Prince of Orange, on his accession to the English crown, was, _Non rapui sed recepi_ [”I did not _steal_ it, but I _received_ it”]. This being shown to Dean Swift, he said, with a sarcastic smile, ”The _receiver_ is as bad as the _thief_.”

DXLIV.--EPIGRAM.

(On ----'s declaring his detestation of all meanness).

IF really ---- do but loathe Things base or mean, I must confess I'd very freely take my oath, Self-love's a fault he don't possess.

DXLV.--ELOQUENT SILENCE.

”YOU have already read that section four times, Mr. ----,” said Maule to a prosing counsel. ”It's iteration! It's ----, I use no _epithet_, it is iteration;” his look implying _the anathema_.