Part 21 (2/2)

CCCLx.x.xIX.--A CERTAINTY.

A PHYSICIAN pa.s.sing by a stone-mason's shop bawled out, ”Good morning, Mr. D.! Hard at work, I see. You finish your gravestones as far as 'In the memory of,' and then wait, I suppose, to see who wants a monument next?”--”Why, yes,” replied the old man, ”unless somebody's sick, and _you_ are doctoring him; then I _keep right on_.”

CCCXC.--NOMINAL RHYMES.

THE COURT OF ALDERMEN AT FISHMONGERS' HALL.

IS that dace or perch?

Said Alderman Birch; I take it for herring, Said Alderman Perring.

This jack's very good, Said Alderman Wood; But its bones might a man slay, Said Alderman Ansley.

I'll b.u.t.ter what I get, Said Alderman Heygate.

Give me some stewed carp, Said Alderman Thorp; The roe's dry as pith, Said Alder_men_ Smith.

Don't cut so far down, Said Alderman Brown; But nearer the fin, Said Alderman Glyn.

I've finished, i'faith, man, Said Alderman Waithman: And I too, i'fatkins, Said Alderman Atkins.

They've crimped this cod drolly, Said Alderman Scholey; 'T is bruised at the ridges, Said Alderman Brydges.

Was it caught in a drag? Nay, Said Alderman Magnay.

'T was brought by two men, Said Alderman Ven- ables: Yes, in a box, Said Alderman c.o.x.

They care not how _fur 'tis_, Said Alderman Curtis; From air kept, and from sun, Said Alderman Thompson; Packed neatly in straw, Said Alderman Shaw: In ice got from Gunter, Said Alderman Hunter.

This ketchup is sour, Said Alderman Flower; Then steep it in claret, Said Alderman Garret.

CCCXCI.--A BROAD HINT.

CHARLES II. playing at tennis with a dean, who struck the ball well, the king said, ”That's a good stroke for a _dean_.”--”I'll give it the stroke of a _bishop_ if your Majesty pleases,” was the suggestive rejoinder.

CCCXCII.--VAILS TO SERVANTS.

TO such a height had arrived the custom of giving vails, or visiting-fees, to servants, in 1762, that Jonas Hanway published upon the subject eight letters to the Duke of N----, supposed to be the Duke of Newcastle. Sir Thomas Waldo related to Hanway, that, on leaving the house of the Duke alluded to, after having feed a train of other servants, he (Sir Thomas) put a crown into the hand of the cook, who returned it, saying, ”Sir, I do not take _silver_.”--”Don't you, indeed!” said the baronet, putting it into his pocket; ”then _I do_.”

CCCXCIII.--QUITE TRUE.

AVARICE is criminal poverty.

CCCXCIV.--CONGRATULATION TO ONE WHO CURLED HIS HAIR.

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