Part 8 (1/2)

CXLIII.--AN HONEST HORSE.

A DEALER once, selling a nag to a gentleman, frequently observed, with emphatic earnestness, that ”he was an _honest_ horse.” After the purchase the gentleman asked him what he meant by an honest horse. ”Why, sir,” replied the seller, ”whenever I rode him he always threatened to _throw_ me, and he certainly never _deceived_ me.”

CXLIV.--THE RETORT CUTTING.

BISHOPS SHERLOCK and HOADLY were both freshmen of the same year, at Catherine Hall, Cambridge. The cla.s.sical subject in which they were first lectured was Tully's Offices, and one morning Hoadly received a compliment from the tutor for the excellence of his construing.

Sherlock, a little vexed at the preference shown to his rival, said, when they left the lecture-room, ”Ben, you made good use of L'Estrange's _translation_ to-day.”--”Why, no, Tom,” retorted Hoadly, ”I did not, for I had not got one; and I forgot to borrow yours, which, I am told, is the only one in the college.”

CXLV.--ELEGANT COMPLIMENT.

MR. HENRY ERSKINE, being one day in London, in company with the d.u.c.h.ess of Gordon, said to her, ”Are we never again to enjoy the honor and pleasure of your grace's society at Edinburgh?”--”O!” answered her grace, ”Edinburgh is a vile dull place--I hate it.”--”Madam,” replied the gallant barrister, ”the sun might as well say, there's a vile dark morning,--I _won't rise_ to-day.”

CXLVI.--A LOVE SONG, BY DEAN SWIFT.

A PUD IN is almi de si re, Mimis tres Ine ver require, Alo veri find it a gestis, His miseri ne ver at restis.

CXLVII.--BY THE SAME.

MOLLIS abuti, Has an acuti, No la.s.so finis, Molli divinis.

O mi de armis tres, Imi nadis tres, Cantu disco ver Meas alo ver?

CXLVIII.--A HAPPY SUGGESTION.

WHEN Jenny Lind, the Swedish Nightingale, gave a concert to the Consumption Hospital, the proceeds of which concert amounted to 1,776l.

15s., and were to be devoted to the completion of the building, Jerrold suggested that the new part of the hospital should be called ”The Nightingale's Wing.”

CXLIX.--PLAYING ON A WORD.

LORD ORFORD was present in a large company at dinner, when Bruce, the celebrated traveller, was talking in his usual style of exaggeration.

Some one asked him what musical instruments were used in Abyssinia.

Bruce hesitated, not being prepared for the question, and at last said, ”I think I saw a _lyre_ there.” George Selwyn, who was of the party, whispered his next man, ”Yes, and there is _one less_ since he left the country.”

CL.--AN EYE TO PROFIT.

A PERSON speaking of an acquaintance, who, though extremely avaricious, was always abusing the avarice of others, added, ”Is it not strange that this man will not take the _beam out of his own eye_ before he attempts the _mote_ in other people's?”--”Why, so I daresay he would,” cried Sheridan, ”if he was sure of _selling the timber_.”

CLI.--”OUT, BRIEF CANDLE.”

A VERY small officer struck an old grenadier of his company for some supposed fault in performing his evolutions. The grenadier gravely took off his cap, and, holding it over the officer by the tip, said, ”Sir, if you were not my officer, I would _extinguish_ you.”