Part 32 (1/2)
Hilary shrank, sensitively.
”Not on my account, my dear, but your own. I often see people making martyrs of themselves for some worthless character on whom the sacrifice is utterly wasted. I object to this, as I would object to throwing myself or my friend into a blazing house, unless I were morally certain there was a life to be saved. Is there in this case?”
”I think there is! I trust in Heaven there is!” said Hilary, earnestly.
There was both pleasure and pity expressed in Miss Balquidder's countenance as she replied, ”Be it so: that is a matter on which no one can judge except yourself. But on the other matter you ask my advice, and I must give it. To maintain two ladies and pay a debt of eighty pounds out of one hundred a year is simply impossible.”
”With Johanna's income and mine it will be a hundred and twenty pounds and some odd s.h.i.+llings a year.”
”You accurate girl! But even with this it can not be done, unless you were to live in a manner so restricted in the commonest comforts that at your sister's age she would be sure to suffer. You must look on the question from all sides, my dear. You must be just to others as well as to that young man, who seems never to-- But I will leave him unjudged.”
They were both silent for a minute, and then Miss Balquidder said: ”I feel certain there is but one rational way of accomplis.h.i.+ng the thing if you are bent upon doing it, if your own judgment and conscience tell you it ought to be done. Is it so?”
”Yes,” said Hilary, firmly.
The old Scotswoman took her hand with a warm pressure. ”Very well. I don't blame you. I might have done the same myself. Now to my plan.
Miss Leaf, have you known me long enough to confer on me the benediction--one of the few that we rich folk possess 'It is more blessed to give than to receive?' ”
”I don't quite understand.”
”Then allow me to explain. I happen to know this creditor of your nephew's. He being a tailor and outfitter, we have had dealings together in former times, and I know him to be a hard man, an unprincipled man, such a one as no young woman should have to do with, even in business relations. To be in his power, as you would be for some years if your scheme of gradual payment were carried out, is the last thing I should desire for you. Let me suggest another way.
Take me for your creditor instead of him. Pay him at once, and I will write you a check for the amount.”
The thing was put so delicately, in such an ordinary manner, as if it were a mere business arrangement, that at first Hilary hardly perceived all it implied. When she did--when she found that it was in plain terms a gift or loan of eighty pounds offered by a person almost a stranger, she was at first quite bewildered. Then (ah! let us not blame her if she carried to a morbid excess that n.o.ble independence which is the foundation of all true dignity in man or woman) she shrunk back into herself, overcome with annoyance and shame. At last she forced herself to say, though the words came out rather coldly.
”You are very good, and I am exceedingly obliged to you; but I never borrowed money in my life. It is quite impossible.”
”Very well; I can understand your feelings. I beg your pardon,”
replied Miss Balquidder, also somewhat coldly.
They sat silent and awkward, and then the elderly lady took out a pencil and began to make calculations in her memorandum book.
”I am reckoning what is the largest sum per month that you could reasonably be expected to spare, and how you may make the most of what remains. Are you aware that London lodgings are very expensive?
I am thinking that if you were to exchange out of the Kensington shop into another I have at Richmond, I could offer you the first floor above it for much less rent than you pay Mrs. Jones; and you could have your sister living with you.”
”Ah! that would make us both so much happier! How good you are!”
”You will see I only wish to help you to help yourself; not to put you under any obligation. Though I can not see any thing so very terrible in your being slightly indebted to an old woman, who has neither chick nor child, and is at perfect liberty to do what she likes with her own.”
There was a pathos in the tone which smote Hilary into quick contrition.
”Forgive me! But I have such a horror of borrowing money--you must know why after what I have told you of our family. You must surely understand--”
”I do fully; but there are limits even to independence. A person who, for his own pleasure, is ready to take money from any body and every body, without the slightest prospect or intention of returning it, is quite different from a friend who in a case of emergency accepts help from another friend, being ready and willing to take every means of repayment, as I knew you were, and meant you to be. I meant, as you suggested, to stop out of your salary so much per month, till I had my eighty pounds sate back again.”
”But suppose you never had it back? I am young and strong; still I might fall ill--I might die, and you never be repaid.”
”Yes, I should,” said Miss Balquidder, with a serious smile. ”You forget, my dear bairn, 'Inasmuch as ye have done it to one of these little ones, ye have done it unto ME.' 'He that giveth to the poor lendeth to the LORD.' I have lent Him a good deal at different times, and He has always paid me back with usury.”