Part 31 (1/2)

”I wonder you can jest about our misfortunes,” said Selina, in her most querulous voice.

”I'm not jesting. But where is the use of sitting down to moan! I mean what I say. The thing must be done.”

Her eyes glittered--her small, red lips were set tightly together.

”If it is not done, sisters--if his public disgrace is not prevented, don't you see the result? Not as regards your marriage, Selina--the man must be a coward who would refuse to marry a woman he cared for, even though her nearest kinsman had been hanged at the Old Bailey--but Ascott himself. The boy is not a bad boy, though he has done wickedly; but there is a difference between a wicked act and a wicked nature. I mean to save him if I can.”

”How?”

”By saving his good name; by paying the debt.”

”And where on earth shall you get the money?”

”I will go to Miss Balquidder and--”

”Borrow it?”

”No, never! I would as soon think of stealing it.”

Then controlling herself, Hilary explained that she meant to ask Miss Balquidder to arrange for her with the creditor to pay the eighty pounds by certain weekly or monthly installments, to be deducted from her salary at Kensington.

”It is not a very great favor to ask of her: merely that she should say, 'This young woman is employed by me: I believe her to be honest, respectable, and so forth; also, that when she makes a promise to pay, she will to the best of her power perform it.' A character which is at present rather a novelty in the Leaf family.”

”Hilary!”

”I am growing bitter, Johanna; I know I am. Why should we suffer so much! Why should we be always dragged down--down--in this way? Why should we never have had any one to cherish and take care of us, like other women! Why--”

Miss Leaf laid her finger on her child's lips--

”Because it is the will of G.o.d.”

Hilary flung herself on her dear old sister's neck and burst into tears.

Selina too cried a little, and said that she should like to help in paying the debt, if Mr. Ascott had no objection. And then she turned back to her white splendors, and became absorbed in the annoyance of there being far too much clematis and far too little orange blossom in the bridal bonnet--which it was now too late to change. A little, also, she vexed herself about the risk of confiding in Miss Balquidder, lest by any chance the story might get round to Russell Square; and was urgent that at least nothing should be said or done until after to-morrow. She was determined to be married, and dreaded any slip between the cup and lip.

But Hilary was resolute. ”I said that in two days the matter should be arranged, and so it must be, or the man will think we too break our promises.”

”You can a.s.sure him to the contrary,” said Selina, with dignity. ”In fact, why can't you arrange with him without going at all to Miss Balquidder?”

Again the fierce, bitter expression returned to Hilary's face.

”You forget, Miss Balquidder's honest name is his only guarantee against the dishonesty of ours.”

”Hilary, you disgrace us--disgrace me--speaking in such a way. Are we not gentle women?”

”I don't know, Selina. I don't seem to know or to feel any thing, except that I would live on bread and water in order to live peaceably and honestly. Oh, will it ever, ever be?”

She walked up and down the parlor, disarranging the white draperies which lay about, feeling unutterable contempt for them and for her sister. Angry and miserable, with every nerve quivering, she was at war with the whole world.

This feeling lasted even when, after some discussion, she gained her point and was on her way to call on Miss Balquidder. She went round and round the Square many times, trying to fix in her mind word for word what she meant to say; revealing no more of the family history than was absolutely necessary, and stating her business in the briefest, hardest, most matter-of-fact way--putting it as a transaction between employer and employed, in which there was no more favor asked or bestowed than could possibly be avoided. And as the sharp east wind blew across her at every corner, minute by minute she felt herself growing more fierce, and hard, and cold.