Part 1 (2/2)

As such, the terhout the book loosely A dictionary definition of 'verbal' is 'expressed or conveyed by speech rather than writing' However, when using 'verbal' we refer to to the properties of words or the ability to co the power of words

THE FUNCTION OF BODY LANGUAGE

Nonverbal es are used to replace, reinforce, and occasionally (deliberately) contradict, a verbal e Nonverbal cues can easily substitute for verbal ones: for example, ”Yes/No” or ”I don't know” Often nonverbal cues can stress, underline or exaggerate the ate verbal cues A ”kinetic slip” is a contradictory signal where words give oneyou I'ry” or ”Of course it didn't upset me” can easily be said in one of tays

Often bodily communication coe so as, in effect, to repeat it A nonverbal signal can substitute for a verbal e, or indeed accentuate it Most obviously, nonverbal coue between people It is through nonverbal cues that we knohen it is our turn to talk, and when the topic of conversation is becos are deliberately not said or are coded in polite body language That is why it forence

People also appear to understand nonverbal behavior metaphorically Thus people use the approach or distance ests that chosen location/distance is an indication of liking or closeness Physical proxi, as all children instinctively know The exciteests that facial expression, speech rate and speed of movement are indications of exciteht into how interested, involved and excited a person is The power metaphor emphasizes that nonverbal communication tells us about dominance and submission in everyday coe in more eye contact than less powerful people and all children know this, too Put sie tells one about the closeness, relative excite with each other But it also tells us ical base and is a product of evolutionary development Animals are able to couistic systeesture and point to each other and so do we It doesn't co positions that we adopt give out social rank order and n of boredoe in Consequently, the e sit, hold a cigarette, smile and shake hands could also be interpreted and read into to reveal both the inner state of e is also about enize andemotions Some emotions appear to be innate and universal such as fear, happiness and disgust We can convey e sends more sympathy than carefully prepared words What istheir emotions verbally, hence the very prosperous industry of psychotherapy, role play and counselling

Figure 11 Body language awareness Soe works very efficiently The sender gestures, the receiver sees; and both are aware of the unspoken e In a conversation, for example, if one person is confused or overwhelht raise a hand to ask for clarification This gesture lets the speaker know that they did not express theument In this case, both people benefit from the silent cue

Someti with the hair or wedding ring, ht The receiver picks this up and interprets it; but the sender ree of those in the know, as long as the interpretation is correct

So people, copying their gestures, invading their space Distracted by words, the recipient is unaware of the sender's often subtle but deliberate h peripheral channels of attention by utilizing existing cognitive algorith is one of the most powerful ways of persuasion, since it does not require conscious attention on the part of the receiver and does not give them an opportunity to reject the proposition Successful political and ularly uses this type of communication

Occasionally neither party is really aware at least consciously of what is being signalled The sender ive off phero sexual excites the cues to conscious awareness In ros of instant, unexplainable attraction

SENSE AND NONSENSE ABOUT BODY LANGUAGE

The first scientists to ists It is no surprise that those skilled in bird-watching were easily able to turn their skills to ed text in 1873, entitled The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Aniy book in 1971 entitled Love and Hate: Natural History of Behavior Patterns But it was Desmond Morris's book, The Naked Ape, published in 1967, ninety-four years after Darwin that electrified popular interest in body-watching There are now dozens of books on this topic, as a quick internet search will reveal (see Appendix at the end of the book)

Since the early 1980s scientists froy and zoology have brought their ether in order to help the understanding of bodily coists, sexologists, and even marketers and advertisers have taken a particular interest in highly specific physiological processes that have nonverbal consequences

Despite the excellent and careful research in the area, much nonsense is still written on the topic, often by journalists and other selfappointed ”experts”, whose aihten and educate Fascination with the topic, as well as its apparent iurus to make confident proclamations about nonverbal cos” and ”recommendations” overemphasize the importance and power of nonverbal communication Often there is no evidence at all that their interpretations of literature are correct; thoughthat is based on fact

Misleading and soe communication seem to fall into four areas: symbolism; power; controllability; and ”you can read people like a book”

Symbolism: all bodily communication is symbolic expression

People with a fondness for psychoanalytic (Freudian) ideas love to interpret explicit behaviors as s Thus one observer believed that Prince Charles's habit of ”fiddling” with his cufflinks indicated that he felt chained by handcuffs to thehave ”imprisoned anxiety” Nu of lips, the crossing of legs and the folding of ar to a pretty wo to a handso: a psychoanalyst ht claim they want to take it off and appear available to the new partner A person describing theirthemselves: the symbolic explanation would state that perhaps the person is trying to recreate the warmth and affection of e: alternative interpretations The tee experts is that they favor ”unconscious”, Freudian, psychological explanations over more obvious ones It is too easy to over-interpret incorrectly For example, look at the table above and consider two types of explanation given for the same behavior (one innocent, the other not)

As noted earlier, people often co aware of it However, this should not encourage explanations based on unconscious drives or needs for all idiosyncratic behaviors People acquire and internalize gestures and other behaviors from parents, teachers, even film actors Some nonverbal cues are syes but many, probably most, are not

Power: bodily communication is always more powerful

It is not uncommon to read statements such as: ”Seventy percent of the coe is sent nonverbally” or ”It is not what you say but the way that you say it” Body communication pundits have a natural inclination to ”talk up” their area of expertise, to over-emphasize its importance Nonverbal communication can, indeed, at tie or terror are often h facial and body expression than through words, for exaes in facial expressions, especially by children and others who articulate their feelings via a lie nonverbally is the whole point of the parlour game ”Charades”

Yet words have extraordinary precision Consider, for example, the power of poetry to move people emotionally It is the precision of words that create sharp and clear iive up their scriptwriters and communicate by their nonverbal char ie to impart will be able to succeed Ask all those people who advocate ”talking cure” therapies to rely more on nonverbal rather than verbal cues On the contrary, to actively acknowledge and verbalize a problearded by esture, for example, to comestures compared to words The power of bodily communication lies priical state of the individual because of changes in the central nervous systeer ”leak out”, however carefully a person tries to hide theuilt But these physiological states are nearly always an expression of emotional extreuage can shout and it can be subtle But those who claier the following, relatively sies nonverbally: ”Thank you very ree”; and ”I feel very happy for you”

EXAGGERATION, LIES AND HALF TRUTHS

It is common to hear various claie To back it up, soes So one is told that 93 percent of the infors is nonverbal Most of it is through face and body movements and expressions, and around a third is derived froe is always applied to verbal communication: the words that people actually say This is, of course, patent nonsense: ould anyone bother to learn a foreign language when they could be co nonverbally with 90 percent efficiency

Max Atkinson (2004), in his char book, Lend Me Your Ears, did the detective work behind those often repeated oes like this An Aist, Albert Mehrabian, published a series of papers in the 1960s researching the types of inforive their preference for or find es where these types of inforruent The nature of the task involved participants detecting and s and attitudes of people shown in short files were either consistent or inconsistent across three channels (the words did or did not match the nonverbal expressions) He found that when the inforruent, people put more trust in the nonverbal cues Mehrabian's analysis converted the frequency of information preference into nu came from the vocal cues; 7 percent from verbal cues; and 55 percent from facial or visual cues

This conclusion is quite different froeneral co specific attitudes in the presence of incongruent inforinal research, what his thoughts were about this, and his response was dis completely misquoted

However once this statistic was publicized and, unfortunately, misinterpreted, it has beco sessions and corporate events It makes, or should make, people very sceptical about e and nonverbal communication

Controllability: we can control all the estures and touch, are naturally controllable; while others, such as sweating and pupil dilation, are not Often people want to cover up evidence of their anxiety or specific motives (such as sexual pleasure, for example) but are unable to do so Most people in conversation are not particularly aware of others, or of their own legs and feet, which if they chose they could control They are not aware of ses in posture and s are said

Once these behaviors have been witnessed on a video-recording, it is surprisingly easy to see and understand theirOnce an ”actor” becomes an ”observer” of his or her own behavior, awareness of what is going on is increased

Naturally, soe actorsor passion on cue They have learnt, often with the help of nals of those eifted Indeed, the more we try to control emotions particularly if we try to conceal powerful emotions the more they leak out nonverbally

You can read people like a book: decoding nonverbal language is easy

There are y Books are passive, whereas people are not Most observers are aware that when two people are speaking, each is atte is often an advantageous feedback uess the other party The curious claim of many popular books is that it is possible simultaneously to read techniques of others but hide your own to disguise one's secret intentions by putting on a believable poker face

True experts in the area of nonverbal coly diffident on this point Research tells us that such a ”double blind” show is extremely difficult to perfors while reading the other person's ed in two tasks si their attention resources Further, experts on lying point out how tricky it is to detect it in skilful dissiht how much infor”, ”she is an extrovert” or ”they are not coe, one can beco body signals, but there is no ical solution, partly because of the subtlety of the cues but also because of the s attached to identified behaviors