Part 17 (1/2)

'Nate? Hes a joke . . . I drew the long straw on this one, man. Livin in paradise; got little tramps falling all over me . . . Chuckle . . . 'Of course Ive still got my eye on the prize! Stop stressing! Its all going to be okay . . . Of course Im sure! Theyre a pushover. Theyre on a major guilt trip about stuffing up their kids life . . . So easy its scary! Nate Cartwrights got his head so far up G.o.ds a- . . . Alright! Alright! Im just saying that hes ready to spill dollars all over me. Okay? . . . Yep, its all planned . . . Sigh. 'Will you quit b.i.t.c.hin about it? Just trust me! The moneys as good as ours . . . Its easy, right? Ive already got him rethinking the Far Eastern mission stuff. And hes primed and ready to transfer the money into my account for a local mission. Laughter . . . 'Ive been sowing the seed; h.e.l.l be in. No question. Once weve got the money, Ill find a reason to have to return to the States, and then drop the bomb that Id better stay and open the mission there! And then well be home free . . . Its foolproof! Best part? Its a never-ending supply, baby. A never-ending supply . . .

Anything he said after that was drowned out by the thundering of my heartbeat. Lava filled my veins and burned a white-hot trail through my entire body, replacing my lethargy with sheer uncontrolled rage. I was no longer tired; I was no longer beaten; I was mad. Mad as h.e.l.l. That sc.u.mbag!

I strode straight to the back deck where Dad and Mimi were drinking coffee. 'Hes conning you! Hes after your money! I just heard him on the phone!

Mimi put down her cup. 'Oh, Willow . . . Is this about Simon? Cant you just learn to accept him instead of being jealous?

My brain did a three-sixty, I swear it did. 'I beg your pardon? I am so not jealous! That guy is a fraud! Hes using your money to set up some scam in the States. I just heard him talking about how easy you guys are and how he can milk this for years! I smacked my hands against my thighs. My heart was still thundering; my breathing hard and fast. 'Hes using you! And you know what else? He a.s.saulted Macey! Right here in this house! I swore I wouldnt say anything but hes a creep, Dad! Hes a sicko!

I saw a look slip between them and then Dad templed his fingers, almost like he was going to pray. Oh, come on!

But Dad didnt pray, he cleared his throat instead. 'Um . . . Willow? About Macey. Simon told us about her, told us how she came on to him and he had to you know reject her. He warned us we might hear a story . . .

I couldnt believe my ears. 'He what? Dad, listen to me. It did not happen that way. Ive known Macey since we were in Grade 2! Macey doesnt lie you know that!

But it was evident I wasnt getting anywhere with them. They werent looking convinced. Just the opposite. 'Willow, Mimi began, 'Simon has suggested that maybe Macey isnt the right friend for you; that maybe shes a bad influence.

'And youre going to listen to him? You hardly know him! How could you believe him over me? I cant believe youd do that! Or maybe I can!

Mimi shrugged. 'We understand, Willow, really. We even agree with him that maybe you need some counselling. It could help. He suggested that perhaps youre a bit jealous. He understands that its hard for you to share . . .

Now I knew Id flipped. My brain had imploded. Especially when all I could manage were repet.i.tions. 'Jealous? Share? And you believe him? Are you guys back on acid or what?

'Will- 'Stop! Do not speak! Now my heart was pressing so hard against my ribs I was sure it was going to burst right through. 'Do you guys even live on this planet, let alone in this house? Share what? My family? That would be hard considering we havent been a family ever! My whole life has been spent on the outside! First it was the drugs and then it was just you two. Then it was G.o.d himself! I am your daughter, but you never let me in! Ive never had to share you, because Ive never had you! I was screaming now, and I didnt care. In fact, it felt good. 'All I am is a caretaker! I get all the worry and none of the good stuff! Jealous! Yeah okay, maybe I am. But not of him. Im jealous of the fact that you saw him. You trusted him! You listened to him talked to him when you never did any of that stuff with me! And in my book, thats a deal-breaker right there . . .

The last words came out on broken sobs, and one part of my brain was telling me I should stay and see if Id got through to them. But the other part told me to run. And thats what I did, because if they didnt react in the way I needed them to, I knew that would do me in once and for all.

So I ran from the room. Literally ran. All the way up the stairs, only stumbling when the big gulping sobs hindered my breathing and when the tears were so thick I couldnt see.

And all in vain, because no one came after me.

In my room I slammed the door shut and leaned heavily against it, and let the sobs have their way. I was past caring.

And so not ready for the next barrage. What was this? Crush Willow Day?

'What took you so long? she demanded.

I drew in a deep breath and tried to push back the sobs. 'Not now, JoJo.

'Yes, now! Ive been waiting for you!

I started moving slowly and deliberately towards her. 'Where have I been? What kept me? Let me tell you exactly what Ive been doing. Okay, so I wasnt exactly what youd call stable. 'For starters, Ive been fighting my way through the fallout of all the c.r.a.p you caused! Aka fighting to get my life back! Thanks to you, its completely destroyed! I sucked in a jerky breath. 'Although thats probably your definition of a victory. Right?

I knew that, amazingly, she was only part of the reason my life was currently a train wreck, but a need to salvage some pride had me focussing all the blame on her.

'What? Her scoff was nearly as demoralising as all the other rubbish that had rained down over me. 'Why should I care what happens to you? Dont flatter yourself, Willow Cartwright. If shed yawned I couldnt have felt more insignificant. 'Youre way too uninteresting to even appear on my radar.

And trust me, normally Id say that was a good thing. But the fact was, Id gone from being on no ones radar to having a target painted on my forehead. And she still had no idea just how toxic she really was. As I stood there watching her, letting her words bounce over me, I felt my life spiralling further and further out of control. My hands came up to grab either side of my head and I squeezed. Why couldnt the world just go away?

I needed to sulk and get angry; to feel sorry for myself. I needed to grieve.

I needed to be alone.

But, you know, as quickly as that thought popped into my internal inbox, I knew it wasnt true.

What I wanted was Macey here, telling me to get over myself, because then Id know that the world was in its right orbit again.

What I wanted was Seth here, with his arms wrapped around me telling me that even if I was just his pretend girlfriend, that as my friend, he still believed in me; that he knew I wouldnt lie.

One sole tear rolled down my cheek and slipped over my chin and landed on my s.h.i.+rt.

And what I wanted most was for that door to burst open and my parents to rush in and smother me with love and beg for my forgiveness and promise theyd never go away and leave me.

But guess what? Reality is a b.i.t.c.h, because none of that was going to happen. None of it.

Apart from JoJos indignant huffing and my own sloppy sniffles, the house was wreathed in silence. No thundering footsteps on the stairs, no voices begging to be forgiven, no one pleading for entry.

I was on my own.

So, what was new?

Oh yeah thats right. This time I had a spear hanging out of my side. Its name was JoJo.

I held up one hand. 'Do not, I repeat, Do. Not. Say. A. Word. Im going to lie on my bed. Alone and in silence.

Sometimes I forgot how quickly she could move. I was vaguely aware of the clomping sound of one stiletto and then she was in front of me. 'Finished feeling sorry for yourself?

I rolled over. 'Go away.

But there she was on the other side. 'Are you listening to me? Im not letting up, Willow. This is important I remembered something.

I rolled back, shutting her out.

'Dont you dare shut me out! This is important! I picked this up when I was at the cemetery, but I faded before I could tell you.

'More important than the fact that thanks to you my life is set to self-destruct and I cant do a d.a.m.ned thing about it?

She eyed me coldly. And trust me, considering she was already hovering below zero, that was cold. 'Get over yourself, Willow. Your life was already far from perfect and that had nothing to do with me. Dont forget Ive been stuck here in this holy h.e.l.lhole living it with you.

There was really no answer to that, but I still didnt have to stop blaming her for her part in my lifes downfall.

She folded her arms. 'So, are you listening or what?

What did it matter? I sighed; my eyes felt gritty and sore, my nose glowed, my heart was in pieces. How much worse could it get? 'So? Spill and get it over with so I can get some peace . . .

After all this Id expected everything to come tumbling out, but suddenly she looked sort of uncertain. 'I told you I dont know what it means, she hadnt, but that was moot now 'but I know its important, she finished.