Part 37 (1/2)

Rune rolled by, followed by a good many big green thingys, an Inspectre with a swordstick and Mr Arthur Kobold.

And in through the great doorway slid something rather wonderful. An entire pink stage, complete with four-piece band and prince, a selection of light-ing gantries, a control-box containing a white-faced Sergeant St.u.r.dy, an utterly out-of-it Constable Ken and a sound engineer who didn't have much of a part, a number of HOLLYWOOD-style letters, which now spelt out H.R. IS A NERD, probably by accident rather than design, and a fifty-foot hairdryer.

'What the heck is going on?' shouted Chief Inspector Lytton to his troops at the place where the buses turn around. 'They're all running away.

'They're making up the hill,' said a helpful officer. 'It looks like the stage has collapsed. Should I radio for an ambulance?'

'Radio for reinforcements. Men, to your cars. Let's get up there.'

'Should I radio for helicopters, sir?' asked the helpful officer. 'We can see how well the big numbers on the tops of our cars work then.'

'Good idea. Radio for helicopters. Now forward, men. After those travellers.'

's.h.i.+va's sheep!' Vain Glory clung to his microphone stand. 'We've fallen into h.e.l.l.'A big green thingy struck him from his feet.

'How dare you smite my chum,' said Prince Charles, wading into the big green thingy with the business end of his cello.

Cornelius fought to keep hold of the pedestal table and get it back up the right way, but tumbling bodies engulfed him in a verdant maelstrom of flailing fists (and not a little purple prose).

The great hall took another turn for the worse, then came to rest. Upside down. Those who still had places left to fall to, fell to them. Those who tried to get up found others knocking them down. There was some unpleasantness.

But it was nothing before the face of that yet to come.

Because now, in through the door, surged the travellers.

'Charge,' cried b.o.l.l.o.c.ks, at the head of them.

Now there have been battles and there have been battles. You had the Somme and El Alamein, Goose Green and Desert Storm.

But you never had anything like this before.

The green legions of King Christmas, rising from the ceiling which was now the floor, offered up a battle-cry and launched themselves against the in-vaders.

The invaders, somewhat stunned by the enormity of their adversaries, decided to take flight. But as more and more of their number were pressing in through the inverted doorway, they were unable to do so.

The big green thingys, for their part, suddenly realized that these were no ordinary invaders, these were the dreaded travellers themselves, feared throughout the world. The big green thingys sounded the retreat.

And then came the police-car sirens.

Those travellers that were in, wanted out. Those that weren't quite in, wanted to see what was in, before they went out.

And those that really weren't in at all, and didn't have much of a hope of getting in, turned to confront the police.

And so on and so forth. And, as if a great ma.s.s mind had suddenly arrived at a single decision, everyone and every thing fell on each and every other one or thing and began to beat the daylights out of it.

In a far corner Cornelius tried to right the pedestal table. But the microcosm had gone. The mechanism was smashed and the innards all hung out in a ruined ma.s.s. Curiously, they appeared to consist of nothing more than a couple of old tennis b.a.l.l.s with nails stuck in them and a clockwork mouse in a little treadmill.

Tuppe crawled over to his friend. 'Do you think we should get out of here before we get killed?' he asked.

'The doorway looks a tad crowded. Perhaps we had better hide. Where is Anna?'

'I thought she was with you.'

'You did not.'

'No, you're right.'

Anna was nowhere to be seen. And Cornelius, even with his height to his advantage, could not make her out amongst the seething battle.

'She'll be OK,' said Tuppe.

'You wouldn't be just saying that.'

'I would, you know.'

DO DAH DO DAH DO DAR DO DAH, went the police-car sirens. Or is it, WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEE? It's WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, I think.

A police helicopter circled over Star Hill.'Hey look,' said the co-pilot, 'you can make out all the big numbers on the tops of the police cars.'

'So you can,' said the pilot. 'I wonder what they're for.'

'Get moving,' said Arthur Kobold. He'd got his gun back and he was prodding Anna with it.

Prodding her along a stone pa.s.sage. A secret stone pa.s.sage. It led away from the great hall. Anna was in front. Arthur was behind her. And good old Father Christmas was bringing up the rear. It wasn't that large a secret pa.s.sage, they're not usually, Santa was pretty cramped.

'What are we doing, Arthur?' he asked.

'Making our getaway, sire.'

'But getaway to where?'

'South America?' said Arthur.

'Why don't you just give yourselves up?' Anna asked. 'You're beaten and you know it.'

'Don't be absurd,' Arthur gave her a good hard poke with the pistol. 'True, the king and I and the cleaning lady may be the last there are in London. But that's just London. Our lot are all over the world.

Few in numbers, but great in power. We'll live to fight another day. Now, as hostage-taking seems to be the order of the night, you are our hostage until we make our safe escape. Then I'll shoot you. It's nothing personal. Well, actually it is.'

'Cornelius will track you down, no matter where you hide.'

'He won't find us. The world is a very large place. Much larger than you think it is. Murphy is probably dead by now anyway. And even if he's not, there's no way he's going to find the entrance to the secret pa.s.sage.

'Hey look,' said Cornelius, 'isn't that the entrance to a secret pa.s.sage over there?'

'Oh yes,' said Tuppe sarcastically. 'And surely that is a piece of Anna's T-s.h.i.+rt lying in the entrance.'

'No.' The tall boy flexed his nostrils. 'But that's the way she went, I can still smell her perfume.'