Part 17 (1/2)

'I have been given until the weekend to put my affairs in order.'

'A week in politics can be a long time, to quote-'

'Quote me no further quotes,' said Hovis, 'please.' Polly made fists at the ceiling. 'I don't want to be made redundant. It sucks on the dole. Surely we can think of something. There has to be something.'

'I did have one idea,' said Hovis thoughtfully. 'It's an old trick, but it might just work.'

'Tell me. Tell me.'

'You must swear to keep it secret.'

'I swear.' Polly licked her finger and made motions above the bosom area. 'Cross my heart and hope to die.'

'We could discredit Lytton.'

'Now that is a brilliant idea. What should we do?' Inspectre Hovis leaned back in his chair and stared unto s.p.a.ce.

'Catch him in a compromising situation. In the arms of some harlot. Burst in, camera in hand.

Flagrante delicto. The deed is done. I think that would do the trick.'

'And serve the b.u.g.g.e.r right too. Jumped-up little s.h.i.+t.'

'Quite so. Right then. I'll pop out to Boots and get some film for the old box Brownie. You go up to his office, whip off all your clothes and pros-trate yourself across the desk. Shall we synchronize watches?'

Polly looked at Hovis.

And Hovis looked at Polly.

'Go and suck,' said Polly Gotting. 'I'm off to the Job Centre.'

Unseen hands had replenished the great table and another course lay ready for the digging into.

Rune dug in. And he spoke as he did so. 'We must wipe out the beings in the Forbidden Zones,'

quoth he. 'Wipe them out while there are still a few of us left.'

'I don't think I quite follow that.' Cornelius heaped goodies on to his latest plate.

'Mankind declines,' said Rune solemnly. 'We grow fewer every day.'

'I would hate to be the one to contradict you, er, guru. But the population of the world is, as ever, on the increase.'

'It is nothing of the sort. Those within the zones grow in number. We decline. Once we were many, but we grow fewer by the year.'

'And might I ask how you come to this con-clusion?'

'Simple mathematics. Allow me to explain.' Rune thrust his thumbs into his waistcoat pockets and regarded his audience.

'How many are there of you, personally?' he asked Cornelius.

'Me personally? One, I suppose.'

'Correct, one. And how many parents do you have?'

'Two,' said Cornelius. 'Everybody has two. A mother and a father.'

'Correct again. Two. And how many grand-parents?'

'Four,' said Cornelius.

'And great-grandparents?'

'Eight.'

'And great-great-grandparents?''Sixteen.'

'And great-great-great-grandparents?'

'Thirty-two.'

'And so it goes on. Every generation you go back, you double it. By the time you go back a mere twenty-three generations, you have a figure in excess of four million people. Every one of which was necessary if you were ever to be born at all. The further you go back, the greater the number of people.'

'There has to be something wrong with that,' said Tuppe, giving his head a serious scratch. 'But for the life of me, I can't think what.'

'There cannot be anything wrong with it,' declared Rune. 'Work it out on a pocket calculator if you don't believe me. You cannot disprove an Ultimate Truth.'

Tuppe began to count on his fingers.

Cornelius asked, 'Where is this getting us?'

'We must wage war upon the Forbidden Zones now.' Rune struck the table another mighty blow.

'We must purge the planet of this unseen pestilence. This cankerous bubo, this septic pus-filled-'

'I think we get the picture,' said Cornelius Murphy. 'We're all for that. Tuppe and I have sworn ourselves to this very end. It's just that we haven't made much of a success of it, so far.'

'But that is because you lacked the wisdom and guidance of Hugo Rune.

'Ah,' said Cornelius. 'You think that was it then?' Rune nodded. 'Indubitably. Under my benevolent leaders.h.i.+p, we will stamp out these ”fairies”, devils, more like. Throw off the shackles that constrain mankind. Raise high the battle standard of Ultimate Truth.'

'Do you have a plan?' Cornelius asked.

'Plan? Do I have a plan? I have a stratagem.'

'Tell us, guru,' said the Tuppe.

Cornelius raised an eyebrow to the small fellow.