Part 16 (1/2)

'I didn't hear you knock,' he said.

'I did,' Hovis replied. 'Several times.'

'I really must get a bell installed then. The door is quite thick and I fear it presents difficulties for those enfeebled officers of advancing years, who no longer retain the strength in their right arms.'

Hovis moved his mouth, as if in speech, but uttered no words.

'Sorry?' said Lytton. 'I didn't catch that.'

'I said, you'd better get a great big bell,' Hovis shouted. 'In case you have a problem hearing it.

What with the traffic noise, and everything,' he added politely.

'Ah yes. Indeed. Sit down then, Hovis. Take a pew.

Hovis sat down.

'Settling into the Portakabin all right?'

'No,' said Hovis. 'It is completely inadequate for my needs. I will certainly need to return to this office, if I am to successfully instigate the secret taskforce operation that I was discussing last night with the chief of police.' He paused to evaluate the effect of this outrageous lie.

'I shall await my briefing from him then,' said Lytton. 'I happen to be dining with him tonight.'

Beneath the wrong side of his desk, Inspectre Hovis clenched and unclenched his fists.

'Now let us talk of other matters.' The chief inspector set down his paper cup. 'Sherringford, might I call you Sherringford?'

'Of course, Brian.'

'So glad. Now, it behoves me to tell you that, as you may have noticed, the department is currently going through major restructuring. It is all down to government funding, or the lack of. The recession. Cut backs. Things of that nature. Someone has to go. That is the nub of it.'

'We will be sorry to lose you,' said Hovis.

'Me? Oh very droll. You will have your little joke.'

Hovis smiled. Lytton did not.

'Weight-puffing, that's the thing. Some of us are doing it. Others not. Crime figures. Clear-up rates.

Books to be balanced. Not my province really. The big boys upstairs. Administration. What do theyknow about gra.s.s-roots detection? Huh?'

'Nothing.' Hovis shook his head. 'Nothing at all.'

'Nothing at all. You're so right. But they do have the say-so. Isn't it always the way?'

'Always,' said Inspectre Hovis. 'So there you are.

'Where?' asked Hovis. 'Where am I?'

'Out,' said the chief inspector. 'Out on your ear, I'm afraid. Redundant. Taking an early retirement.

That's where.

'What?' went Hovis. 'What? What? What?'

'Knew you'd take it like a man. Told them upstairs. Begged them to reconsider, of course. But they were adamant. Still, look on the bright side. Give you a chance to spend more time with your wife and family.'

'I do not have a wife and family.' Hovis gripped the arms of his chair and began to rock in a distinctly manic fas.h.i.+on.

'No wife and family? Then you should get one, my dear fellow. I've two girls myself, eight and ten.

That's a photo of them over there on the wall. On the ponies.'

'No!' said Hovis. 'No! No! No!'

'Bit of a shock, eh? Thought it might be. Given your life to the force. Feel like you've been kicked in the teeth. Worthless. Thrown on the sc.r.a.pheap. My heart goes out to you. And if you ever need a reference, don't hesitate to write.'

'I!' went Hovis. 'I... I...I..

'No need to thank me. But cut along now. And don't forget to hand in your warrant card. End of the week, eh? Sorry to have to rush you, but we need the Portakabin. Temporary ladies' loo apparently.

What a world we live in, eh?'

Hovis rose from his chair. He would make it look like an accident, or suicide. The chief inspector, stricken with remorse, threw himself from the win-dow.

Chief Inspector Lytton took a regulation police-issue revolver from his top drawer and pointed it at his murderer-to-be.

'Don't even think about it,' he said. 'Now p.i.s.s off out of my office, before I call a policeman.'

'Behold the marvel,' said Hugo Rune, tearing aside the silken cloth.

'I can't behold from down here,' Tuppe com-plained. 'Give us a lift up, Cornelius.'

'My pleasure.' Cornelius hoisted Tuppe into the viewing position.

'Crikey,' went the small one. 'Now that is a neat trick.'

'Isn't it though.' Rune fluttered his pudgy fingers. Tuppe flinched accordingly. 'Do you now understand the beauty of the thing?'

'It's here,' said Cornelius, gazing with considerable awe. 'It's a miniature of this room. And of us. I thought you said it was a copy of that ancient fellow's chamber.'

'A microcosm,' Rune explained. 'The device is built into the table top. Take the table where you will. Uncover it, and there displayed will be a microcosm of the immediate surroundings.'

'It's very clever. How does it work?'

'Have you ever heard of the transperambulation of pseudo-cosmic anti-matter?'

'Not as such.'

'Best not to concern yourself then. It works. It is a thing of wonder.'