Part 15 (1/2)

'Oh yes there was.'

'Oh no there wasn't.'

'He's behind you,' called Tuppe in a pantomime voice.

Rune delved into a waistcoat pocket, brought out something unseeable, stretched it between his hands and promptly vanished from sight.

'The mantle of invisibility,' said the voice of Rune. 'I always carry a piece for my private use. After ail, I invented it.'

There was a slight swish and Rune reappeared. 'Convinced?' he enquired.

'Convinced,' said Cornelius. 'But how did you know we'd find our way into that particular zone, at that particular time? And choose to drive out that particular car?'

'I made certain calculations. You need not concern yourself with these. But suffice it to say, I merely sat in the car and awaited your arrival.'

'Weil,' said Cornelius, 'I hope I didn't keep you waiting long.'

'Not long,' said Hugo Rune. 'Just the eighteen years.

Polly put the Portakabin kettle on. 'Rough night?' she asked.

'Rough night?' Inspectre Hovis emptied the contents of his nose into a monogrammed handkerchief. 'Something inhuman attacked me last night. Some bally great green ghastliness. If I hadn't kept my nerve and employed my steel, there is no telling how things might have ended. A lesser man would surely have. perished.'

Polly turned up her eyes. 'Really?' she said.

'Really. But that's not the half of it. Having defeated this-supernatural adversary, I was then forced to leap from Kew Bridge, in order to avoid being run down by a bally joyrider. Do you know what it's like at the bottom of the Thames?'

'Mostly clay, I suppose. Hydrated aluminium silicate, quartz and organic fragments, sedimentary rocks and other deposits. A certain amount of alluvial matter Hovis ground his teeth and pocketed his hankie. 'Thank you,' said he. 'I experienced it at firsthand.

If I didn't hold an Olympic Silver for the high dive and the Athenaeum Club record for remaining face down in a punchbowl of Pol Roget, there is no telling how things might have ended.'

'A lesser man would surely have perished,' said Polly, fighting hard to keep a straight face.'Without doubt. But that's not the half of it. Having dragged my frozen body from the icy waters, I attempt to make my way home. And what do I find?'

Polly shrugged.

'I find that Kew Green has become a war zone. Upturned cars blazing away. The fire brigade out in force and our lads preparing to baton charge the local residents' committee. And if that's not enough.'

'Go on,' said Polly.

'I then realize that I have lost my front-door key.'

Polly chewed upon her bottom lip.

'But that's not the half of it. As I am attempting to gain entry to my own premises, through a side window I know to be open, a young con-stable leaps out with a pistol in his hand and orders me to ”get up against the wail and spread'm, buddy”.'

Polly turned her face away and fought against hilarity.

'Constable Kenneth b.l.o.o.d.y Loathsome. I shall do for that blighter. And I will do for the joyrider also. I caught a glimpse of his great grinning mug. And I never forget a face, especially when it's one I have on file.' Hovis scribbled a name on a piece of regulation police-issue notepaper and handed it to Polly. 'Pull this gentleman's file for me, if you can manage it without hysteria.'

'Yes, sir,' said Polly.

'But now I think a cup of Lapsang would not go amiss. I feel as if I have been through some baptism of fire. And after the horrors and indignities that have been heaped upon me, I truly believe that nothing this day can throw in my direction could faze me one little bit.'

'That is pleasing to hear', said Polly, warming the pot up, 'because I've just remembered, Chief In-spector Lytton wanted to see you in his office. Urgently. Ten minutes ago.

Cornelius, Tuppe and Hugo Rune sat puffing on their green cheroots.

'I will tell you a little story,' said Hugo Rune, 'to fascinate and entertain you before the arrival of the main course.'

'Goodo,' whispered Tuppe to Cornelius.

'Sssh,' said the tall boy.

And Rune began. 'There was a young fellow called Breeze-'

'Whose dongler hung down to his knees?' Tuppe asked. 'I think I know this one.'

'Silence!' The mage snapped his fingers and Tuppe collapsed in his chair, flapping at his face.

Cornelius leapt to his friend's a.s.sistance. 'What have you done to him?'

'Just quietened him down for a few moments.'

'If you've hurt him ...' Cornelius fought to pull Tuppe's hands away from his face. Tuppe looked up at him with frightened eyes and gestured frantically. He no longer had a mouth.

Cornelius glared back at Hugo Rune. 'That is an evil trick.'

'It is no trick, I a.s.sure you.' The voice belonged to Tuppe. And it came from Tuppe's mouth. A mouth that now occupied the centre of Hugo Rune's forehead.

'Put it back,' growled Cornelius.

'As you will.' Rune wiped his hand across his forehead and fluttered his fingers once more in the air.

Tuppe's mouth returned to its place of origin. 'b.a.s.t.a.r.d,' it said.

'Keep it closed from now on,' Rune advised, 'or I will transport it to a part of your body that will ensure you never again dine out in public.'

'Best do as he says,' said Cornelius.

Tuppe coughed smoke. 'I've swallowed my cigar,' said he.

Cornelius pa.s.sed him a gla.s.s of water.

'Now,' said Rune. 'There was a young fellow called Breeze.' He paused.

'Kindly continue,' said Cornelius. 'It's fascinating so far.'

'This Breeze', said Rune, 'was a common thief A housebreaker. He stole without conscience, because, having never owned a house, or items precious to himself, he did not understand their importance to others. The common mind can understand nothing but the commonplace. Youunderstand?' Rune tapped ash from his cigar on to the table and drew circles in it. 'I will not tire you with a catalogue of Breeze's crimes. As he lacked conscience, they were naturally vindictive. His enterprise brought misery to many.