Part 5 (2/2)

And it curled its evil lip.

And its tail began to whip.

You could tell it wasn't very nice to know.

But you couldn't tell exactly what it was. Not without the handbook. And the handbook was kept under lock and key. In a filing cabinet, in one of the Forbidden Zones.

And whatever it was, it was now coming after Inspectre Hovis.

The great detective felt it coming before he turned and saw it. Not that he was the seventh son of a seventh son, or anything like that. He was the only son of a belted earl. But he knew bad poetry all right.

Oblivious to alliteration and pseudo Shakespearianisms he might be, but not to unwarranted dollops of duff verse, bunged in out of the blue and creeping up behind him.

Hovis faced the thing as it approached him. It was grinning from ear to ear, exposing a double rank of lime-green teeth.

'Have a care,' counselled the detective, gripping his cane between both hands.

'Hands above your head and come out quietly,' called Sergeant St.u.r.dy. 'Hold the gun up straight now, Constable.'

'Gun?' Cornelius groaned.

'We're in trouble now,' whispered Tuppe.

'Sad,' said Anna. 'Very sad.'

'Shall I put a couple of rounds through the side to s.h.i.+ft some a.s.s?' asked Constable Ken.

'No need to be hasty, lad.'

Cornelius rose to face his fate. Anna pulled him back. 'Let me handle this.'

'Certainly not. This is my responsibility. I got you into this mess, after all.'

'And I shall get us out, trust me.'

Cornelius looked at Tuppe.

And Tuppe looked at Cornelius.

'Trust her,' they both said.

Anna stood up. Straightened her hair and smiled from the serving window. 'Sorry about the delay,'

she said. 'Who wanted the King Cone?'

'What do you want?' Inspectre Hovis stood his ground, as the joyless green giant moved closer, its reflected image swelling in the detective's mirrored pince-nez.

The creature stopped, but yards away. Still grin-ning, it shone like a sprout by the light of the moon.

'What order of being art thou?' enquired the Inspectre, who numbered necromancy and conju-ration amongst his many interests.

The creature ran a forked tongue, green it was, about lips of a likewise hue. 'Of the order of Tris-megistus,' it replied in a deep dark rumbling tone.

'Then have a care, odious one. My cane is thrice blessed.'

'Thrice what?'

'Thrice blessed. By the word of the Tetragram-maton. By the twenty-third Aethyr of the Enochian call. And by the Hindoo Howdo Hoodoo Voodoo Man of George Formby.'

The creature c.o.c.ked its head on one side. 'You cannot be serious,' it said.

'Try me.' Hovis stepped back and traced a penta-gram in the air with the tip of his cane.

'Get out of here. George Formby?''A great wizard.' Hovis made mystical pa.s.ses with his cane, to and fro, and mimed the play-ing of a ukulele. 'The Lancas.h.i.+re Thaumaturge. Be warned.'

'You're pulling my plonker.' The creature took a step forward.

Hovis took another step back. 'What do you want?' he asked once more.

'The diamonds.'

'Aha! The G.o.dolphins. I have them here.' Hovis patted a pocket. 'Take them if you will.'

'I will.' The beast stormed forward.

'You b.l.o.o.d.y well won't.' Inspectre Hovis twisted the silver pommel of his cane and drew out a s.h.i.+ning blade.

'Come taste my steel,' said he.

Car twenty-three backed out of the cul-de-sac and drove away.

'I don't believe that.' Cornelius climbed to his feet. 'I just do not believe you did that.'

'She sold them ice-cream,' said Tuppe.

'And I politely answered all their questions. And I apologized for any inconvenience I might have caused them. And I didn't charge them for the chocolate flakes.'

'Huh,' went Tuppe.

'And what is ”huh” supposed to mean?' 'It's not the way we would have done it.' 'And just how would you have done it?' 'Tell her, Cornelius.'

'Well...'said the tall boy. 'I...'

'He'd have leapt into the driving seat and swerved around and sideswiped the police car and...'

Tuppe made screeching noises.

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