Part 19 (1/2)

Standing behind Alex on the dock, Keri felt like a voyeur infringing on an intimate moment. What now? Should she announce herself or just wait quietly to be noticed? She opened her mouth to speak but was silenced by a compulsion to experience this heart-wrenching soliloquy, the betrayal of all she thought she knew about Alex Troy.

* 165 *

Alex drew a sobbing breath. ”I wonder how my life would be today if I hadn't fallen in love with Helen Callahan, if my parents hadn't died so early, if I hadn't become a cop.”

”Oh...I'm sorry, but...” Keri stammered.

Alex whirled around and came face-to-face with a blus.h.i.+ng, swimsuit-clad Keri Morgan. Her mouth fell open. ”Where did you come from?” She turned away and grabbed the edge of her beach towel, attempting to wipe her watery eyes.

Keri had never seen such hurt in their depths. ”I'm so sorry to interrupt. I didn't know you were...”

Alex shook her head. ”Please, don't.”

The intensity of Alex's pain grabbed Keri and pulled her in. She closed the distance between them, sat down, and placed her hand on Alex's shoulder. ”We're off the job.” She tried to console her, knowing she couldn't possibly erase what she'd just heard. ”If nothing else, I'd like to be a friend.”

Alex's pride felt bruised. Embarra.s.sed by her outburst, she struggled to regain control but couldn't. She'd never allowed herself to acknowledge the suffering or grieve the losses completely. Somehow she knew it had to come out now or she'd forever be a prisoner.

Keri watched tears pooling in Alex's swollen eyes as a progression of anger, fear, pain, and surrender clouded her features, battling for dominance. Instinctively avoiding eye contact, Keri wrapped Alex's shaking frame in her arms, bringing their bodies together. She couldn't help the joy that came over her as she understood what she was nally seeing, the person behind the public faade. ”Let it go. I know it hurts.

You're safe with me, Alex.”

The soft whisper released another torrent of emotion. The years of psychological restraint shattered. More cries of unbridled anguish escaped Alex's lips as waves of tears tumbled down her face. The soothing sound of Keri's voice combined with the gentleness of her caress made Alex believe she really could nally be free. For the first time in years, she allowed herself to be comforted without fear of payback.

After a long time, she said, ”I don't know what's happening to me.” She took a deep, labored breath. ”My emotions are all over the place and everything hurts.”

* 166 *

Alex's sporadic breathing created invisible ngers that stroked Keri's neck and the swell of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. She fought the physical responses threatening to overtake her, sensing Alex's deeper need. ”It happens to everybody.”

”What happens to everybody?” Alex sniffed.

”I call it the monster mash.”

Alex's body jerked as a low chuckle sounded in her throat. ”Care to elaborate on that highly technical term?”

”It's the sad stuff we bury, hoping it'll go away by itself. Problem is, it doesn't. It gets bigger, uglier, and scarier until it feels like a huge monster that's going to crush us from the inside.”

Alex released the small sobs ghting their way up from her chest.

”I didn't get to tell my parents good-bye.”

”I'm so sorry.”

”Then there was Helen,” Alex choked out. ”She once threatened to shoot me, but I stayed with her anyway. What an idiot.”

”Shh...” Keri rocked Alex in her arms, nally understanding the terri ed look in her eyes that dreadful night in the gym. Such intense pain. d.a.m.n Helen Callahan for hurting her.

”I don't know how I could let someone do that to me. I'm a cop.

I know better.”

”Alex, it's not your fault. Like a friend once told me, people can fool us sometimes, but we still have to trust. I know how it feels.”

”How did you get to be so wise?”

”I'm a fast learner. And I'm convinced life is worth the effort.”

They sat huddled on the dock as the full moon rose between the trees, casting its silver luminescence across the water. Intermittent periods of calm and restlessness racked Alex's body as the wellspring of tears ebbed and owed, but she marveled at the incredible peace she felt in Keri's arms. As she began to feel more comfortable, she recognized a desire to remain there forever. A voice in the back of her mind asked if Keri could be the one.

Keri hadn't felt so needed for a long time. Sometimes when she held her mother, she felt the same draining she sensed in Alex. Her mother was dying, and Keri understood that part of Alex was also dying, a part Keri hoped she'd never have to revisit. Holding Alex felt so natural and right. She'd imagined how close they could be, but * 167 *

not in this context. She'd just a.s.sumed their physical longing would be answered before the emotional, but she much preferred this. She cherished the intimate glimpse of Alex's life and inner self she'd been allowed to share.

She nger-combed Alex's thick, auburn hair and lowered her head to inhale the remnants of a light oral shampoo mixed with musk perfume. The fragrance invaded her senses, creating a memory that would be forever Alex. Ma.s.saging the back of Alex's neck with small circular motions, she placed a light kiss on the top of her head.

Alex drew back slightly. ”Keri...” What she wanted to explain, she wasn't exactly sure. ”I'm sorry you found out about...me. Especially like this. I trust you'll use discretion.”

Their eyes locked and Keri felt herself moving toward Alex's slightly parted lips.

Alex allowed herself to look beyond Keri Morgan, the of cer, acknowledging the unspoken between them. The chemistry was too strong to ignore. Gazing into Keri's eyes, she was overcome with desire. Longing ripped through her and seared into her soul. She'd seen this strength and compa.s.sion before, but refused to consider its implications. Such levels of empathy and nurturing could never be faked. This was a woman deserving of trust and love.

Alex's brain screamed for her to stop, but as Keri came closer and her breath washed hot across Alex's face, she knew she was lost. All she wanted was to kiss her, to hold her and feel everything that came afterward, whatever that might be, for however long it lasted. Right now, her body demanded contact.

The feathery brush of Alex's lips initially tickled Keri's. She wondered if they'd touched at all until a jolt of electricity shot to her core, forever welding her soul to this woman. A splash of color ashed behind her eyelids. Her nipples grew hard and painful. Pressure built between her legs, straining for release. She grew light-headed as Alex's mouth demanded more. Never had Keri imagined a simple kiss could release so many feelings-tenderness, compa.s.sion, desire, need, hunger, craving, love, and an animalistic willingness to do or be anything Alex Troy wanted. She prayed this would never end.

Alex slid her arms tighter around Keri's naked waist. Everywhere their exposed esh touched felt like a volcanic explosion followed by * 168 *

liquid re burning its way to the river owing between her thighs. The gilded moonlight cast shadows across their entwined bodies. Their kiss deepened, as did Alex's need. She refused to stop for air as her breath, ragged and hot, escaped in erratic spurts.

”Hey, are you two down there?” Beth's voice shattered the charged air around them.

Alex withdrew as if stricken. She stared at Keri, her eyes hazy with desire, mouth open and lips swollen. Breathing in short, uneven gasps, she traced the angle of Keri's jaw with her nger, then rose as though her legs were leaden.

”We can't,” she said simply.

”Why?” Keri felt the distance between them grow with every breath Alex took.

”Because I want it too much.” Without looking back, Alex walked away and climbed the stairs toward Beth.

Keri was unable to speak or move. She felt as if she'd own too close to the sun, energized by the rays but ultimately burned by the intensity. She sat motionless as chirping crickets, buzzing mosquitoes, and the gentle lapping of waves against the dock invaded her oversensitized faculties.

She would never forget these life-changing minutes, the lingering fragrance of Alex's perfume, the creamy look and feel of her naked skin, and the burning points of contact as they touched. The silken texture of Alex's lips stayed with her. So, too, the way her tongue lled Keri's mouth and stroked her from the inside and the connection she felt so profoundly to the essence of her being.

A few minutes later, Keri knew she had to go after Alex and refuse to accept the dismissal of all they might have. Frantically she rushed up the bank of stairs toward the cabin. As she reached the top, a car spun out of the gravel driveway. It felt like a piece of her heart was dragged behind on the pebbly surface.

v ”I f.u.c.ked up.” Keri buried her face in her hands.