Part 41 (1/2)
Which was my dilemma: any further demonstration of weakness could be an invitation to a full-fledged takeover. If Gideon was willing to go on to Michigan, while I tried to turn back out of fear of the possible consequences. . . well, just because I started back towards Autumn Creek didn't mean I'd get there.
I didn't want to lose the body to Gideon -- that would be the ultimate failure. But I also really, really didn't want to go to prison for murdering someone I'd never even met.
I imagined Billy Milligan, wherever he was now, laughing at my predicament: Ha ha ha. That'll teach you to judge other people!
”Go to h.e.l.l,” I said, and thrust my fists against the wall beneath the showerhead. ”I will live up to my obligations. I will accept my responsibilities.” I grabbed my wounded forearm and squeezed hard enough to start it bleeding again; the pain made me grit my teeth, but it also made me feel better. Billy Milligan had nothing further to say.
I got out of the shower and dried myself off. When I went to get dressed I realized I had no clean clothes to change into, just the same s.h.i.+rt and pants that I'd been wearing the past two days. There was no extra gauze, either, so I had to rewrap my arm in the same bandage.
Feeling less refreshed than I'd hoped, I went back out to the car. ”All right, Penny,” I said, getting in, ”I think I know what I want to do. Or what I need to do, anyway.”
”Yeah?” she said, and I noticed she was smoking a cigarette.
”Maledicta.”
”f.u.c.king swift, as always.”
”Maledicta,” I said, ”I need to talk to Penny. I've decided to go on to Michigan, and --”
”I want concessions,” Maledicta said.
”What?”
”I want f.u.c.king concessions. Mouse may have agreed to chauffeur you cross-country, but I f.u.c.king didn't. You want to go to Michigan, I want some things in return.”
”Like what?”
She lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. ”Sam and I have another game of pool coming.”
”Sam. . . Aunt Sam? You and Aunt Sam played pool?”
”Like I said, you're f.u.c.king swift.”
”What else do you want?”
”Well you know I'm going to end up doing a lot of the f.u.c.king driving, right? I want Sam riding shotgun for part of that.”
I shook my head. ”If I do that, the others are going to want time out, too. I can't afford to start a fight about that now.”
”What f.u.c.king bulls.h.i.+t,” Maledicta said. ”Look, you f.u.c.king told Mouse that you were going to have to go back inside again, right? And it's pretty f.u.c.king obvious that somebody's going to have to be outside keeping an eye on things while you're gone. So why not give Sam the f.u.c.king duty?”
I thought about it, and it actually made sense. Until order could be fully reestablished in the house, somebody probably would have to occupy the body when I was out of it, and Aunt Sam was a much better choice than Adam -- although Seferis would be a better choice than either of them. But Seferis wasn't much of a traveling companion. Still, it struck me funny that Aunt Sam would have hit it off with Maledicta.
”All right,” I finally said. ”Maybe we could do that. But then I want a concession too.”
Maledicta shot me an impatient look. ”What?”
”Can Penny hear us right now?”
”No. She's asleep in the f.u.c.king cave.”
”Did you put her to sleep?”
”I wanted another f.u.c.king smoke. It's not like she was f.u.c.king doing anything except sitting out here.”
I nodded. ”From now on, when you want a cigarette, or anything else that requires the body, I don't want you to just take over. I want you to ask permission.”
”f.u.c.k you.”
”Maledicta, I'm serious.”
”No f.u.c.king chance,” Maledicta said. ”One, I don't have to ask for f.u.c.king permission, and two, if I did, and Mouse said no, I couldn't --”
”Exactly. Another thing, I don't want you knocking Penny unconscious against her will anymore.
It's one thing if she gets upset and goes to sleep on her own; but if you're just coming out for a cigarette break, there's no reason she can't keep watching over your shoulder.”
Maledicta looked away, muttering disgustedly under her breath. ”What bulls.h.i.+t. . .”
”It's not bulls.h.i.+t,” I said. ”You came to me for help managing your MPD. Discipline is a big part of it.”
”Discipline!” Maledicta turned back with a sneer on her face. ”Like you should f.u.c.king talk!”
”I am having problems with that right now,” I admitted. ”Which is another reason why I'm asking you for this. If you and I both start switching uncontrollably at the same time, G.o.d knows where we'll end up. But if you focus really hard on keeping things orderly, and I do the same, then hopefully at least one of us will be stable at any given moment.”
”Ehhh. . .” Maledicta drew her arm back, as if to sweep the suggestion away, but I could tell I'd scored a point with her.
”So is it a deal? ”I asked.
”Ehhh, f.u.c.k.” She rolled down her window and pitched her cigarette b.u.t.t onto the parking lot.
”I'm not going to make any f.u.c.king promises,” she told me. ”If Mouse doesn't give me the time I want, or if she starts putting on f.u.c.king airs just because I say please --”
”I'm sure Penny will be gracious about it.” I offered her my hand. ”Deal?”
Maledicta regarded my hand with disdain. ”What are you, Jimmy f.u.c.king Stewart? I'm not going to shake on this. I told you, no f.u.c.king promises. I'll just. . . I'll f.u.c.king try, all right?”
”All right,” I said. ”Good enough.”
”Yeah, yeah, f.u.c.k, all right,” Maledicta said. ”So can we get some f.u.c.king food now?”
24.
After checking out of the motel and getting some lunch, they take stock of their resources.
Mouse has about sixty dollars in cash left; Andrew is down to fifteen dollars. Neither of them has an ATM card. Andrew does have his credit card, which has a limit of a thousand dollars, but he's going to have to call the 800 number to find out how much of that has been used up already (at least two hundred dollars' worth; because they missed the official noon checkout time by ten minutes, the manager of the Badlands Motor Lodge charged them for an extra night).