37 Casus Belli (1/2)
”I don't own the world because it's a shithole and I don't want it.”
- Doc-Danger
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4 Days Later
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Wake up.Check phone.Curse Captain Industry.Sleep more.Shower.Fuck squidmaid.Eat pizza.Hit the club.
It's an everything goes day.Start drinking.Smoke with Big Iota and Psi.Check in with Brian.He's calling paintball suppliers.
”Hi!Do you sell paint by the case?Great!Who do you sell the most cases too?Uh-huh.Uh-huh.Uh-huh.Well, fuck you.”he hangs up.”Arsehole.'Kay, who's next?”
”Marked Commandos.”says Orcette.
”Arseholes.”he dials.”Hi!Do you sell paint by the case?”
I lean over to Orcette.”He's fishing for our pizza enemy?”She nods.”Is it working?”She shakes.
I tap Brian.”Can I try?”He shrugs, hands me the phone.
”Hi!We want to buy 500 cases of paintballs, and 100 markers.Yes.Today.Well, how many do you have in stock?Can you check?Yes.It's for a movie.Zombie pigeons versus stoners.It's a job.Oh yeah?I bet this is the biggest sale you've ever made.No shit.Who the fuck bought all that.Really?”I hang up.Look at Brian.”Weightwatchers.”
”Weightwatchers?”whispers Brian.
”Hmmm…” says Orcette.
Omicron walks down from his apartment upstairs.He has a girl with him.He walks her to the door.They kiss passionately.She leaves.
”Who the fuck was that?”asks Brian.
Omicron grins.Shrugs.”No idea.”Grabs a beer.
”What the fuck?Is it fuck a stranger day?”Orcette is looking through the indulgence calendar.
I laugh.I fuck a stranger everyday.That's not entirely true.I knew that squidmaid.
”Seriously.You never leave the club.How did you meet a girl?”asks Brian.
”I met her at work.”says Omicron.
”What?”Brian shakes his head.”The fuck?You get fucked up and stare at your phone.That's your entire fucking job.”
Omicron's phone chimes.”Excuse me, I have to go to work.”He pops a blue pill, and zones out on his phone.
Brian pokes him a few times.No reaction.”I guess we're done talking.Dang.”
I look at Omicrons phone.He's watching a feed of a roomba with a robot arm cruising through a messy house.It's tidying up clutter.Either the video is sped up, or the roomba is really booking.It's doing a pretty great job, but sometimes it moves stuff to weird places.Whenever it does, Omicron stops it, and gives a little direction.
Hmm.
We party for a bit.It's free day for most of us.We can do whatever drugs we want.We make the most of it.I get a little sloppy.
Captain Industry is broadcasting.I put it on in the main room.
”Overpopulation is the biggest threat to the human race.”says Captain Industry.”The Earth has limited resources.Our exponential growth is not sustainable.We have to grow in a responsible manner, and that starts with personal responsibility.How can you take care of others, if you can't take care of yourself?People who can't even pay their own way are pumping out kids that WE have to raise with our tax dollars.But, we're not helping them!We're enabling them.Burdening them with more responsibilities, when they already have more than they can handle.No more.Enough with this cruel helping, it's time for some tough love.No kids until you can pay your taxes.Get your house in order before you start a family.Trust me, you'll thank us later.”
It's absolutely quiet in the club.Everybody here is broke.We all just lost the right to breed.Most of us look confused.Orcette looks furious.She's crying.Delta has his arms around her.He's talking in her ear.
Maybe I shouldn't have put Captain Industry on the big screen.I think I killed the party.
Captain Industry slows, stops.Time for Mr. Brightside.
”Teleportation.Tele-FUCKIN-portation!The laws of science got broke, and we're all ignoring it!Sure, it's fuckin' scary, but what the fuck!It's the solution to all our problems!And, maybe our death sentence.But, only if we fight with it.SO QUIT FUCKING PICKING FiGHTS!!!Leave people alone, man.We don't know who made the God Machine.We don't know who has it now.c.. ... …. …
Mr. Brightside fades out.Show's over, I guess.
It's still silent in the club.I haven't heard teleportation discussed on a broadcast since the assassination of the last President.Speculating on teleportation is frowned upon, and people who don't take the hint disappear.
And then there's the God Machine.I thought only 6 people knew the God Machine was a thing that exists.How does Mr. Brightside know about it?Has someone been blabbing?Or is Mr. Brightside is someone I know?
”What's the God Machine?”asks Big Iota.”Is that the teleporter?”
Good question.Megacles thought it was.So did The Darkness.It was their casus belli.
I smoke.The God Machine was an artificial intelligence that guesstimated impossible math problems.It's possible that one of the impossible math problems it solved was teleportation.That ain't proof, but it's possible.A couple people definitely disappeared when they fucked with it.