36 To Hunt Man (1/2)
”If you don't want to be a superhero, you'll never amount to anything.”
- Mr. Brightside's Guide to Goal Setting
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3 Weeks Later
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I wake up, check my phone.Captain Industry is driving everybody crazy.I check the time.His address isn't for another couple hours.I go back to sleep.
I wake up again, head to the shower, turn on the hypno-clone.Hook up with a generic young woman profile.She's rude.Too grabby.And I fuck squidmaids.I double flick my wrist and toss her avatar down the drain.The consent protocols of the hypno-clone were designed by an air traffic controller.There is no room for miscommunication.
I wash my hair.No sex today I guess.I wash my hair again.Fuck it, I turn the hypno-clone back on.I find a 40 year old dumpy dude who wants bang a bi chick.What a curious display of honesty.We make love.
We chat a bit as I wash my hair.He's really nice.I friend him.
I head to my kitchen.My plan is to make my usual breakfast of vegan bacon and eggs.A drone delivers a slice of pizza.It has vegan bacon and eggs as toppings.It's a troubling harbinger of a societal speed wobble.I eat it.It's pretty good.
I check the indulgences calendar - how shall I get wrecked today?It just says sleep.The fuck!Who agreed to this?I get back in my pajamas.
I send a query - does anybody want to watch Captain Industry with me?I'm tired of being depressed by myself.I get a half dozen yeses, and two dozen maybes.The champaign room is being kitted out for a slumber party.Delta suggests we watch it there.
I head down to the club.There's a fragile atmosphere of sobriety.And pajamas.
I go see Brian.This is usually where we'd share a drink or a joint.Thankfully, he's doing something interesting.
”We're weaponizing the pizza drones.” says Brian.”I'm sick of them getting shot down.”
”Cool.I thought the U.N. outlawed autonomous deathbots.” I say.
”Yeah, we're not going to tell them.” says Brian.”Anyway, there not deathbots.They just deal a face full of piping hot pizza.”
”It's a weight thing.” says Orcette.”The drones aren't strong enough to carry a pizza and a AK-47.”
”You can take out a gunman with a slice of pizza?Wait!What the fuck!Are people really shooting at our drones?” I ask.
”Paintballs.They're shooting them with paintballs.” He points to a smashed drone covered with fluorescent goo.”Gums up the rotors.Fucking kids.”
”It could be our competition.” says Orcette.
Brian nods.”Some asshole anyway.To answer your question - yes, it is extremely hard to pelt a gunman with pizza.Even if he's only shooting paintballs.That said, we've patched the drones into the hypno-clone network, so they have the same augmented senses a human.”
To access to the hypno-clone network, you must share your visual feed.Billions of video feeds are what makes virtual travel possible.Privacy settings only work inside homes.
You can make yourself anonymous, but if you turn off your feed, you can't see any others.
”How often does the gunman leave his feed on?” I ask.
”So far, always.” says Brian.”Lazy asses are using it to help their aim.Or, maybe they forgot it's on.I can't remember the last time I turned mine off.Anywho, we can see what they see.And what any bystanders see.From there it's just an optimization problem.”
”I started them off with a library of hunting strategies.” says Orcette.”They try them randomly, and beam the results to the rest of the pizzadrones as training data.They learn.”She laughs.
”It's pretty cool.” says Brian.”If you want to hunt man, may I suggest running from their attacks, and discretely following them home.Eventually, they come out without a gun.”
”One drone flew in a window and pelted a guy while he was taking a shit.” says Orcette.”It was awesome.”
”That does sound awesome.Provisionally.”I say, and slowly back away.I'll deal with this later.When I can drink.
I sashay over to Intervention Group.Isaiah is talking.