29 Hitchhiker (2/2)

”Nope.All part of the plan.”I hand her a list of drugs.”Let's start with this.”

”Wow.That's quite a cocktail.” she says.

”Pick out a little something for yourself.Space is no place to be sober.”I send her on her way with a friendly little bum pat.I normally wouldn't do that, but she started it.

There's a pretty good party going on around me.The doctor gets back with my shopping list, and we get into it.Space parties are pill heavy operations.Pretty much the only drugs we're allowed to bring are uppers or downers.We do one, or the other, or both.I also take some decongestants.Eventually, they pass me a phone.It's a call from the bridge.

”Hello?”I say.

”GOD DAMN SPACE PRICK!!” thunders Captain Wick.

”Howdy.” I say.

”I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!” thunders Captain Wick.

”Good luck mother fucker.” I hang up.

”The settlers aren't stupid.” says Cute Doctor.”They will figure out what you're doing.”

”Oh, yeah?”I say.”What am I doing?”

”We don't have permission to settle on Damocles.You brought a virus on board to force the Captain to land there anyway.” she says.”You think he will switch planets because Damocles is closer, and we will have a better chance of surviving a virus if we land sooner.”

”That's a pretty cool plan.” I say.”Think it will work?”

”Shit.I don't know.Actually…I think you probably killed us all.” she says.”Earth Command said they'd blow the ship if we mutinied.I figure switching planets qualifies.Most of the crew sealed themselves in the bridge, so they're safe from the virus.They'll probably keep flying towards Mars, and fuck us.If most of us die, they will have saved a few of us.Which is better than Earth Command killing us all, crew included.”

”You are taking this rather well.” I say.

”Surviving this mission was always a long shot.I thought we'd have an outbreak sooner or later.Too many people, on a ship for too long.No reliable way to test for viruses before we left.Other than asking people how they feel, and relying on the honor system.”She shrugs.”Also, I just did a whole whack of drugs.”

I snap my fingers.”I remember that!I think I was there for that!”

We laugh.Or, maybe I'm just laughing.I just did a whack of drugs too.It's hard to read the room.

”It's not as bleak as you think.Though, in other ways, it's much more bleak.Basically, we're probably going to die, but not for the reasons you just said.Those problems I have figured out.”There is an explosion from the hallway.”You're welcome.”

There's a lot of people flapping around and screaming.It's exhausting.I've had a long day.I find an empty bunk and nap.