65 BES (2/2)

I sat at the love seat and tucked my legs in, my head on top of my knees. I won't give him a chance. No way.

He sat across me, legs sprawled in front, arms draped over the back of the couch. And he was just staring at me. I'm getting creeped out of his staring.

I swallowed many times, afraid to start a conversation because he might flare up.

He then initiated the conversation. ”Cassidy.”

”Yeah?” I asked nervously.

”Are you really in love with your boyfriend?”

I contemplated for a bit. Am I in love? ”You know, the moment I think that he'd leave me,I would always feel sad. I'm gonna break if he leaves me. I don't want him to go. I want him to be with me, through all my ups and downs. I wanted him to support him, and as I to him. I wanted to share every single moment of my life with him. And if my life would be spent without him, I 'd rather die than live that kind of life. So yeah. I think I am.”

He looked down. I don't know what he's thinking. I don't even know this Ethan anymore. I thought I was the only one who knew Ethan very well. Even his parents doesn't know him that well. They always spend their time on friends and work, that they leave Ethan alone. I was the one he shared of all his flaws and imperfections, his views and his hatred towards his parents. And I guess that's why he liked me because I never judged him once. I was a great listener.

But now.... I don't know anymore.

Just then, he raised his head and looked me straight in the eye. ”Cass, you know I thought I'd get over easily after our break up, just like what I have done from the past.”

He leaned his head back and looked at the ceiling. ”I thought, when I direct my attention to other things I'd forget.” He sighed then continued, ”So I decided to meet and befriend more. I then grew close to some of the upper class. And there I knew Cara.”

”She was such an angel. She was so good to me, and I liked talking to her. We talked about so many things, and we have almost similar likes and dislikes.I enjoyed her company, and I guess I was pressured because of the teasing of her friends. So we talked a lot, and spent so many times together. We were good.”

”And then when I saw you again at school during your graduation, I had the urge to hug you, to hold you tight in my arms. My eyes were glued onto you, from the procession, when you went up stage to get your award, and until your picture taking with your friends.”

”I couldn't look away. You were so beautiful, so happy, shining. Just like the first time I met you, I saw your eyes laughing. Such wonder that your eyes could laugh.” He laughed at that.

I didn't know where this talk would lead on, but I let him continue because Ethan never talks about things. And I'm afraid I'd ruin this moment for him if I talk. And so I just stared at him and listened.

”But Cara was there. And there was a look she gave that I couldn't understand andthat I never saw in you before. And I chose to ignore that because she chose not to talk about it.”

”When Cara started showing that she likes me, I liked it. I like the feeling that someone's fawning over me and I liked the thrill of it. And so I didn't think of you again and focused on Cara.”

”There was a moment there that our group decided to have some get-together before we'd go in our separate ways. Some of you would be working and some, like me, would still continue studying since I have more years in college. It was that beach party that I lost all my control and talked to you for the first time since our break up. And I realized that I miss that. I missed talking to you, the no-censors talk. It was so natural and so comfortable.”

He sighed, leaned his head back and covered his eyes with his arms.

”It was then that I started getting touchy to you. But you didn't mind so I thought it was okay. Our friends teased us if we're going back together. We just smiled at them. We took photos and selfies together. And I didn't know it would reach Cara.”

”After that, she started nagging me, complaining about everything. I got tired of it, because I never had that with you. And after that stupid game, I felt so trapped, so suffocated with her. I tried to go with it, that maybe I could get used to it. But no, it worsened.”

”But during those times, just talking to you, being with you, takes it all away. I become a new one again, minus all that sadness and suffocation. So I always look forward when I'd get to see you or call you. It was my sunshine.” He looked at me. ”You are.”

I don't know what to say. Words were stuck in my throat. I wanted to say something but I was struck dumb.

He smiled sadly. ”I don't think I'll ever have someone like you again, because baby, you were, and you will always be the best one that happened to me.”